I have never been a um well…sleeper. Good isn’t even a word I’d use in the same sentence as sleep. Not as it pertains to me at least. These days, I am getting very little sleep. I would love to blame it all on Harrison, since he isn’t sleeping that much either, especially this week as he’s been sick, but it’s not just him.
Besides I’ve been there with the teething baby thing twice before. One day, they all learn to sleep. One day they stop waking up at night wanting to be cuddled by mama only. That day comes sooner than most people think and in the moment, I don’t mind the quiet moments in the middle of the night with him. He is a ball of movement in the day time, trying to get anything in the house he shouldn’t have, trying to chase down his sisters or the dog. At night, he is that tiny boy baby again. The one who wants nothing more than to cuddle up to me, lay with his face in my neck, breathing warm baby breath on me.
Oh heck, where was I? Ah, yes, so Harrison is not the source of my not sleeping, or at least not all of it. I have trouble falling asleep, i always have. Can’t tell you why, I’ve never known, I’ve just always had trouble falling asleep. It’s genetic, this I know. My mom has and my grandpa had this same problem.
So i lay there at night and eventually manage to turn my brain off and fall asleep. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes three, depends on the night. Then the boy wakes up, sometimes once, lately like three times a night. Since Logan has to get up and go to work early in the morning, the late night stuff is left to me.
To be fair, Harrison is in a total mama phase right now. The times when Logan has gone in at night, Harrison just screams bloody murder and tries to beat his daddy up, till I eventually go in and rescue him from the horribleness that is someone besides me .
for some reason, when i go back to bed after Harrison does, I am very able to go back to bed. Till the nightmares start. I try to not watch anything scary right before I go to bed. I’m not even talking scary movies, because I never watch those. More like the CSI, Saving Grace, anything good type of TV shows. We record Whose Line Is IT Anyway, Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory and before I go to bed, I always try and watch one of those.
It works some night and not others. Of course it does nothing for the BlogHer nightmares.
I’m not sure why I have nightmares. I have periodically throughout my life. Mostly though it had to do with something I watched on TV. When I was eight, I saw the Bad Seed on TV somehow by accident and I didn’t sleep for a week. At twelve, I saw a made for TV movie about a family with three hemophiliac boys, one of whom died of AID’s. Even though I knew an amazing man (my brother’s godfather) who died of AID’s before that time, the thought of a little boy dying gave me nightmares.
Right now, it’s every night. It’s gotten old actually. I need some sleep. I’d kill for a good night’s sleep right now. I’ve even gone so far as to consider getting a hotel room for a night this weekend, just for me and Logan and seeing if his Aunt would keep all the kids, just so I could sleep for a night.
Can I buy sleep? Anyone know? Does Amazon carry that?
ps. Yes, I’ve tried every, single homeopathic type of thing known to man. No need to ask, because the answer will be, yes I have and no it doesn’t do a dam thing. Yes, I do have sleeping pills which I take most nights. Still, I am in a non-sleeping phase. There will at some point come a sleeping better phase, as there always does. Here’s hoping it comes soon.
Undomestic Diva, Marinka and Anymommy have all posted in the last few weeks different versions of things we should know about them before BlogHer. Basically what I learned from their lists is, they are all way cooler than me. However, it has made me start to think about the things you should all possibly know about me.
Seeing as how I’ve already started having nightmares about BlogHer, I might as well get it all out in the open. Then at least you will all be pre-warned.
First of all, hi, I’m Issa. *waves* I know you all know that, but what people always ask is, how do I pronounce Issa. Well see my name is actually Melissa. Which I will totally answer too. So Issa is a nick name for Melissa, because my best friend James, couldn’t say Melissa when we were toddlers. Issa is Melissa without the Mel. (Try and call me Mel and you die. Am not kidding. I don’t find it funny and I DESPISE it. Try it more than once and I will most likely not speak to you any more.) There is no E sound in Issa. Basically think of it this way, it’s Lissa without the L. Got it? Please, don’t worry about screwing it up. Because honestly, I am probably going to look at you and go, and your Twitter/Blog Name is what again? Just ask, I promise I don’t bite and I’ll say Issa for you.
Now that we got that out of the way…..
1. I won’t know any of you, unless you walk around with a picture of your Twitter avatar and your Twitter name attached to your head. Please help me out with your name, okay? I promise I want to meet everyone, so if you see me, hear my name, whatever, please come and say hi.
2. I am not a friendly person in the AM, until I’ve had coffee. I will make sure I find a Starbucks, this isn’t a concern of mine. I can smell any Starbucks in a three mile radius. But you have been warned.
3. I do not drink much at all. I am a big talker when it comes to drinking. A glass of wine is more than enough for me. When I say I’ve had a lot to drink on twitter, it means I’ve had two glasses. However, once I’ve had a drink, I am much more calm in social situations. Like, hai, I can talk to you now. Cause I iz drunk.
4. My hair is not awesome, I may or may not re-color it before the conference, so you may see some grays. I don’t have brand new clothes and my purse is four years old. But? I smell nice and my toes will be pretty. I’m just not that girly enough to worry about the rest of it. So rest assured, the rest of you who will be wearing tank tops and capri’s, you will fit in with me.
5. I don’t talk about politics or religion. It’s not that I don’t have opinions, because believe me I do. But I like to keep the peace, so I tend to steer very far away from these subjects.
6. I am not a huge talker until I feel comfortable around you and then I never shut up.
7. I truly am scared shit less about this Keynote thing. Even more so, since I realized they RECORD it. Like with a camera, so the whole world can see it later. I know some of you don’t want to hear about it anymore. I got picked, you didn’t. And for that, I’m sorry. But I is skerred. Unless Matthew really wears a G-String in the audience like he promised me on Saturday night, I may be nervous until the dam thing is over. Excited and honored, but nervous.
8. I don’t like Peas. Or mushrooms. Or eggplant. Or curry.
9. I play confident on the Internet. I appear to be much more confident in real life than I really am. Much saner, much more easy going. This is a good thing in some ways and in other ways it is an albatross. Because when I come home and say, I was a complete spaz, I was scared of everything and I’m pretty sure I offended twelve people, you will all think I am insane. Issa appears saner in person than she really is. Maybe that should be my new tagline. If you don’t believe me, ask Maura and Insta-mom. They’ve met me.
10. I say dude as often in real life as I type it. I say seriously more often than I type it. I possibly need to learn some new words.
11. I will yawn the whole time I am there. It’s not you and let me apologize in advance for yawning mid-sentence. I don’t sleep well in general and I won’t sleep well there, because I won’t be at home. It’s just how it is.
12. I have a ton of people I want to meet. Some who I’ve “known” for years. I have no pre-conceived notions that I will get to do more than say hi to most of them. But I really hope I can say hi. I have tons of you who I want to hang out with. I hope to god I can remember who all of you are and that I don’t hide in a closet for too long and we get to hang out. One thing I’ve seen from previous years is, BlogHer is what you make of it. I? Plan to have a blast.
To those of you not going, I know this gets tiring, hearing about BlogHer all the time. Trust me, I’ve been you. For years in fact, since the 2006 conference where everyone I knew went. Just remember in a few weeks it will all be over. Also, I will still adore you all after the conference. I promise. Also, I’ll miss you all. Swearz.
Last night I wrote a post where I basically complained about everything. It felt kind of nice to write it down. Get it out, if that makes any sense. Although this morning, I’m glad I didn’t post it. Not because you guys can’t handle it, not because I didn’t need to complain about petty nonsense last night, but mostly because this blog has become so depressing that I’m just thinking that it would have made it worse.
I’m trying. Trying to get it together. Trying to not be so pessimistic all the time. Trying to not be depressed. Trying to not be this complainy (yes, is word), whiney, pain in the ass that I have become lately.
It’s not really working for me so well. But at least I’m working on it.
Instead of whining about things that really don’t matter outside of my head, I thought I’d give positivity a try. See how it works for me today. No guarantees on tomorrow, but it’s worth a shot today.
I love the 4th of July weekend. My husband won’t be working for three whole days. (Truly, I am forgetting what the man looks like, he works so much these days.) We have BBQ’s to go too, swimming to do and tons of great food to eat. I adore fireworks, now that Bailey has stopped being terrified of them.
I found the business cards I am going to get for BlogHer. They are cute and I loves them.
My excitement of BlogHer is starting to out way my fear of it.
Harrison is cute and fun and the best baby I could ever hope to have. Nine months, really is a fun, if not a bit exhausting age. Although his idea of morning being 5am, needs a bit of work.
Bailey is almost five and while it makes me sad, I see the big girl she is becoming and it’s awesome. She’s awesome. The funniest, most honest baby girl I could ever hope to have.
Morgan has decided that she likes clean clothes enough to help me with laundry. Have I told you she’s my favorite today? She is. At least in this moment, when she’s being so dam helpful. Seven is an awesome age.
I love the Internet. Well I love you guys. Yes there are haters, trolls and asshats. But real life has them too. But you guys keep me entertained on a daily basis and I adore each of you for it.
Oh one more thing, my friend, the lovely Anymommy, had a beautiful baby boy on Sunday. Nathaniel. He’s big and squishy and absolutely adorable. He has red hair!!! Squee. Please go and congratulate her.
So, how’d I do? LOL. Don’t need to answer that. Is okay.
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