Two days from now, there will be a beautiful wedding on the tip top of a mountain. A small wedding; only 50 invited guests. There will be dresses, new shoes and tons of flowers. A photographer has been hired, a DJ given an obscene amount of money and there will be more food than 50 people could possibly consume in 6 hours of partying. There will be cake; beautiful, tasty cake.
Two people, one of whom is my sister in law, will vow their love for each other, in front of family, friends, god and whatever animals live at 14,000 feet elevation. After four years of dating, they are ready for this major step. They share a love that most people will hope they find one day. One that I’m lucky enough to have as well.
It will be a gorgeous ceremony, a beautiful start to their new life together. We’ve all been looking forward to this for over a year. Planning, organizing and dreaming about this day.
There’s just one catch. It’s not legal. To them, they will be married. To us, their family and friends, they will be married. The courts and our government disagree.
My sister in law, Audrey is marrying her soul mate. But Lexi is a woman. They are lesbians. Proud to be lesbians. Committed to each other, soul mate type peiople. However, they are lesbians. Which means, this beautiful union of two of my favorite people, isn’t legal.
If something happened to Audrey and a medical decision needed to be made, the hospital would have to turn to her parents for the decision, instead of her wife. Because it’s not legal.
I’m conflicted. I’m thrilled beyond belief that this day has finally come. Logan and I knew they were perfect for each other the day Audrey introduced us to Lexi. I’m also sad, because they are not given the same common courtesies in this country that my husband and I are. The rights that Logan and I have, as a married couple, don’t exist for gay couples right now.
It’s bittersweet. We thought it would be legal in California, but that boat sank in November. Which is why the wedding is here, instead of California. They always wanted to get married on some god for saken mountain top, but they would have married in California, the state where they live, if it was going to be legal.
On Sunday, I will go celebrate a joyfull occasion with my family. I’ll drink and be merry. I’ll cry, because I always cry at weddings. They just may be tears of sadness mixed with those of happyness.
My first bittersweet post is HERE, if you care to read it.
19 Responses to Bittersweet revisited
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
awwww i’m sorry that it’s even like that for them. totally sucks.
.-= becky´s last blog ..Friday! Holla! =-.
You know my feelings on this issue. And I will keep hoping that someday minds will open and everyone will have equal rights to express their love. My very best to your sister-in-law and her wife.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Depression redux =-.
Issa Reply:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Insta-Mom, I just hope it’s sooner than later.
It bothers me.
It bothers me to no end.
What if my soul mate had been a woman and not a man?
What if?
So happy for Lexi and Audrey… and so sad for them, too. Outraged, for them. It’s unfair.
It’s un
.-= MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Liveblogging my life. =-.
Issa Reply:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@MommyGeekology, Yep it is. But I’ll tell you, they are doing it anyway and you would have too. Heck, I would have too. It is unfair and it sucks. One day though it will be different.
Two of my very dear friends from college had a similar non-legal wedding last year. It was beautiful and wonderful and sad all at the same time.
I imagine that someday our kids will look back on this the way we look back on the time when interracial marriage was against the law. Which is to say, they’ll think “WTF? Seriously?!!”
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..big girl, big changes =-.
Issa Reply:
August 7th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@cindy w, That is so true. I didn’t think of that. My aunt had to move out of her state to marry her husband because of the color of his skin. I’ve lived my whole life surrounded by my interracial family and never thought about it being anything but normal. But once, it wasn’t.
This frustrates me to no end… Wish the two lovely ladies all the happiness in the world.
.-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Parenting Skills at Their Best =-.
I was SO increadibly sad when Prop 8 didn’t pass in California – I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe we could elect a black president, and yet we can’t get past people’s sexual preference.
I agree with Cindy though, someday our kids will live in a world where any person who loves another person can legally marry them, and they won’t even know it was ever any different!
It still amazes me in this country of “opportunity” where we are so technologically, medically, and socially advanced in so many ways..AND capable of duplicating LIVING things, that two same sex people can NOT get married. Straighten up jackass leaders and stop denying the right to marry. You can’t stop the love anyway….
.-= JennyMac´s last blog ..Red wine under $20.00: One for every day of the week =-.
This bothers me too. Why can’t people accept love in whatever form it comes in. When I see my cousin and her partner raising their son, all I see is a beautiful devoted family. There is nothing evil, nothing that will destroy families. The only thing there is love.
.-= But Why Mommy´s last blog ..Education is Messing With My Mind =-.
I’ll never understand why anyone thinks they have a right to dictate to someone else who they can love. The only marriage I care that much about to interfere in to that extent is my own.
I hope one day bigotry and hate will be overcome by love and common sense.
.-= avasmommy´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Let’s Talk Music =-.
I hear you. My sister in law is gay and hasn’t been able to marry her partner. My brother is gay also but isn’t currently with anyone. Have a wonderful time.
.-= Debby Pucci´s last blog ..I’M BACK FOR A FEW DAYS =-.
I hope it’s a perfect, beautiful day for them and for your whole family. I’m sorry it’s marred by discrimination, but I really do have faith that eventually the laws of this country, those that state everyone is entitled to equal protection under the law, will prevail. It’s just sad for the love caught in the battle.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Two Years Ago =-.
Well, as sad as it is that we haven’t evolved fast enough to accommodate all loves, of every design, I am CONFIDENT that one day, our nation WILL allow same-sex marriages. We all have to remain positive and BE positive and be proactive to help ensure that couples such as your sister-in-law and her wife-to-be will be able to enjoy not only the love of a married couple but also the legal rights.
May the day be beautiful and perfect…
2 of my closest friends are women, women that are soul mates, women that have been together in a relationship for 13 years. They too want to get married one day. They too hope that it will be legal. I have no doubt that legal or not there will be a wedding soon.
I have no doubt that one day same sex marriages will be legal. I know that not everyone agrees, but who are we to deny people happiness and LOVE?
Great post Issa! Good luck to your SIL and her soon to be wife. Have a great weekend and enjoy the mountain top wedding!!!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Under Construction =-.
This so pisses me off. Love is love. Who cares if it’s two women, two men or even a man and a woman. Isn’t it funny that I’ve been most inspired by my friends who are in same sex relationships? One day…please, one day.
.-= Lesley´s last blog ..Everything seems to be breaking! =-.
Best wishes to your sister-in-law and her wife. One day we will overcome this ignorance.
Just stumbled across your blog and every word you’ve written here is so true. “They” say same-sex couples threaten the sanctity of marriage, yet these spoiled celebrities get divorced every five seconds. Britney Spears is a much bigger threat, in my opinion.
.-= Diapers and Wine´s last blog ..I should have used all that time to think up a better blog post. =-.