Monthly Archives: August 2009

Not welcome anymore

Written on August 11, 2009
21 Opinions - Talk to me

Hold your head high, don’t ever let them define the light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them hell. You can take on this world. You can stand and be strong. And then fight like a girl. With style and grace, kick ass and take names. –Fight like a Girl by Bomshel

I have always joked about inventing troll be gone spray. In comments for years, I have joked about how we needed this. How awesome it would be to have some sort of spray that got rid of trolls. Problem is, this is the Internet. Obviously a spray isn’t going to cut it. Who’d want to spray their computer? Not me, that’s for sure.

I’d like to do the next best thing. I’d like to start an anti-troll movement. To let them all know that they are not welcome here. Not just here on my site, but on any of our sites. I’d like us to take back our space. To stand up and say, we are not going to let this happen anymore; we are not going to sit here and take your crap. You are not welcome anymore. Shoo.

It’s gone too far. Especially lately. It seems like every day someone who I love is being attacked for no good reason in their comments. I’ve done my share of troll taunting and attacking, this I will admit to. I despise my friends being attacked though. I’ve gone on the defensive more times than I can count. All it gets me, is more trolls attacking me. It has to stop.

I’ve tried the ignore tactic. Heck people, I moved my blog to WordPress, in hopes that would help, but I still got one on my post about my SIL. Yes, I deleted it. No, I didn’t respond first. It’s still not okay. Nothing about this is okay anymore. It was never okay, but it’s gotten really bad lately. Every day it seems someone is being attacked in their comments by trolls.

It used to be where they attacked because you talked about a certain subject. You discussed breast feeding, circumcision, c-sections, your views on the president, whatever. It still wasn’t okay, but it was generally people who were fanatics about that certain subject. Now, they’ll attack just to attack. Just to be trolls, just to see if they can bring you down.

I don’t attack people in their space. If I read something I don’t like, as long as it isn’t an attack on my friends, in their comments, I hit that bright red X at the top of the screen. How hard is that to do?

It seems like it is very hard for some people.

I want to do something about it. The problem is, I don’t know where to start, what to do exactly, but I know something needs to be done.

Obviously we can’t stop people from commenting. But we can stop dealing with them. We can all agree to delete and block and not respond to them, if we see them elsewhere.

That’s my idea anyway. What do you guys think? Are you in? Any ideas?

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A little Monday random

Written on August 10, 2009
16 Opinions - Talk to me

-The wedding was absolutely beautiful. That’s pretty much all I can say about it.

-I have been asked to keep this blog about me and our life and for the most part leave our extended family out of it, so that is what I will try to do.

-I am a little irritated about being asked that, but I also understand it. Privacy is a big thing to my husband and lately, in his mind, I have crossed that boundary. Not just because of talking about his sister, just in general, I have crossed that boundary. Anyway…moving on.

-I am not a fan of Mondays. Especially after a fun-filled weekend, Monday is a big freaking let-down.

-Next Monday the girls go back to school. I am excited about this, but also a bit sad. Baily going to kindergarten is a bit sad. When did my baby get all big and five and school age? Who told her she could do that?

-Harrison walked yesterday. Three unassisted steps before he fell on his butt. He hasn’t tried it again, but I know he will. I think he was so shocked at what he was doing that he didn’t realize he was doing it. The twelve people clapping for him might have added to that shock.

-10 months is too tiny to walk. I did not agree to that. There will be no more walking until permission is given. LOL. Oh I crack myself up.

That’s all I’ve got. How was your weekend?

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Bittersweet revisited

Written on August 7, 2009
19 Opinions - Talk to me

Two days from now, there will be a beautiful wedding on the tip top of a mountain. A small wedding; only 50 invited guests. There will be dresses, new shoes and tons of flowers. A photographer has been hired, a DJ given an obscene amount of money and there will be more food than 50 people could possibly consume in 6 hours of partying. There will be cake; beautiful, tasty cake.

Two people, one of whom is my sister in law, will vow their love for each other, in front of family, friends, god and whatever animals live at 14,000 feet elevation. After four years of dating, they are ready for this major step. They share a love that most people will hope they find one day. One that I’m lucky enough to have as well.

It will be a gorgeous ceremony, a beautiful start to their new life together. We’ve all been looking forward to this for over a year. Planning, organizing and dreaming about this day.

There’s just one catch. It’s not legal. To them, they will be married. To us, their family and friends, they will be married. The courts and our government disagree.

My sister in law, Audrey is marrying her soul mate. But Lexi is a woman. They are lesbians. Proud to be lesbians. Committed to each other, soul mate type peiople. However, they are lesbians. Which means, this beautiful union of two of my favorite people, isn’t legal.

If something happened to Audrey and a medical decision needed to be made, the hospital would have to turn to her parents for the decision, instead of her wife. Because it’s not legal.

I’m conflicted. I’m thrilled beyond belief that this day has finally come. Logan and I knew they were perfect for each other the day Audrey introduced us to Lexi. I’m also sad, because they are not given the same common courtesies in this country that my husband and I are. The rights that Logan and I have, as a married couple, don’t exist for gay couples right now.

It’s bittersweet. We thought it would be legal in California, but that boat sank in November. Which is why the wedding is here, instead of California. They always wanted to get married on some god for saken mountain top, but they would have married in California, the state where they live, if it was going to be legal.

On Sunday, I will go celebrate a joyfull occasion with my family. I’ll drink and be merry. I’ll cry, because I always cry at weddings. They just may be tears of sadness mixed with those of happyness.

My first bittersweet post is HERE, if you care to read it.

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This is just a test

Written on August 6, 2009
9 Opinions - Talk to me

If this were a real post, instead of a test, I’d have to you know, say stuffs.

Really, I just want to see if it shows up in my reader.

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Look at me, I’m legal

Written on August 5, 2009
35 Opinions - Talk to me

Hi! Welcome to my new site. It’s a bit dusty in here, but this is my new home. Might take a few days for me to figure it all out and sweep out all this dam dust, but I love it. I am still me, just fancier duds. Call it an upgrade, if you will.

Mommy Geekology is the most amazing person in the world. Seriously. She has patiently put this site together for me today. Answered a zillion questions and hasn’t called me an idiot yet. She gets teh awesome friend award for the day week month? One of those. She rocks.

So…what do you think?

ps. Issa no longer accepts anonymous comments. If you are going to say it, own it. That is all.

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The time has come, the walrus said…

Written on August 4, 2009
29 Opinions - Talk to me
to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships and sealing wax; Of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. –Lewis Carroll

I have become a somewhat of a piece of fruit to the gnats of the troll world. Each day it seems there is someone else wanting to tell me how horrible a person I am.

Just this week alone, I’ve had three rather unpleasant trolls invading my space here. The first two were on the post that I read at the keynote. I guess my “stats” about the homeless were lies in their eyes…although funny enough, I don’t remember giving stats. Mostly, I was talking about my uncle. I was informed that since a homeless guy killed someone recently, I basically am a liar. Interestingly enough, a friend of mine was kind enough to tell me that a man killed his wife in their home in the past week. Shit happens. (Heck people, OJ Simpson killed his ex-wife and her husband in BRENTWOOD no less, surrounded by mansions and he got away with it.) People are not all good. Not all homeless people are mentally ill. But see, I never said they were, I said a lot of them are. Which is true. Sorry that it wasn’t technical enough, nor informative enough in regards to the homeless, but this isn’t a newspaper. I am not getting paid to write. These are my stories based on my life.

The third, a comment last night, was on my post from May, when I told you all about my miscarriage in April. I am not sure why people love to attack on that post, but they sure as hell do. I’ll quote this one, because it’s highly informative:

“This is such crap! Morning sickness DOES NOT start until you are two months or more pregnant. You are a crazy attention seeker. Get help before you start to affect innocent children. I feel sorry for those around you.”

Somehow this one kind of makes me laugh. Really, no pregnant woman EVER gets sick before month two? I beg to differ. But what do I know? I’ve only been pregnant now, five times. Ladies? Care to share how early you felt sick? Yes there are people out there who don’t, I’ve had a pregnancy like that. Yes there are people who are four months before they know they are pregnant. But me? I know my body pretty dam well. Sorry if that doesn’t seem right to you.

I am an attention seeker? Really? Hmmm. As I look back, I see that I didn’t post for nearly two months. Yes, there are posts on this site, from April and May, but the majority of them were written by my friends, not by me. I said something…and trust me, I almost didn’t say a word…because this is my space for one, but also because I wanted to explain my absence from the blog/twitter world. Maybe having a blog that is open to the public means I am an attention seeker in some way. But that means all of us are in some way. Maybe though, it’s human nature to find a community of like minded people who want to support each other. Ever think of that? That the people who comment here are my friends?

However, and this is my main point in writing this at all. This is my site. My blog. My space. See, my name is written on the top there?

I am tired. Tired of defending myself. Tired of getting emails sent to my phone at 11pm from trolls. Tired of trying to find a way to make it where I don’t accept anonymous comments. Blogger just doesn’t make it that easy. I know I should ignore. You all say that. I get it. Intellectually at least. But I’m not that type of a person. It sits with me, days after I’ve deleted it. Frankly it sucks. If it continues, I will go a different route with comments. I just don’t know what that means yet.

This is now a troll free zone. You are not welcome here. You have been deleted and you will continue to be deleted. However every time someone is an asshat troll here, I am keeping the IP address. If this continues, I will start publishing them. Just for kicks. Because this is my site. My space. My sanctuary.

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Today is just not my day

Written on August 3, 2009
20 Opinions - Talk to me

I’ve had a few good weeks. Weeks without depression, weeks without tears. Weeks where getting out of bed was easy. Weeks where I didn’t have to try to feel okay, it came naturally. (Or as naturally as it will ever come, when I’m on medication.)

I’ve felt it creeping back, that fuckhead depression. Didn’t miss it. It could have stayed gone for ever, as far as I was concerned. I hoped it would. But no, it doesn’t seem to listen very well. It’s very inconsiderate like that.

I could blame it on the letdown of being back at home after a fun filled week. I could blame it on my baby girl going to kindergarten soon. I could probably blame it on the two year anniversary of losing a piece my heart and a bit of my mind.

But it’s not really any of that. Mostly it’s just today.

Today is one of those days. A day where getting out of bed took too much effort. A day where I don’t care if I speak to anyone at all. A day where I am glad that my kids are with a cousin, because I don’t have it in me to deal with them. If they were here, I’d deal. No question about it. But they’re not today, so I’m allowed to just deal with myself. I don’t have to pretend.

I keep hoping one day that this will all go away. That I can go back to being the girl who I used to be. The girl with no real problems, who’d experienced heartache, but not at the level in which I have now.

I don’t think she exists anymore though.

I’ve opened twitter about ten times, but I haven’t said a thing. I have read what others have written, but not found anything to respond too. I try, because I think if I can start a conversation about nothing, maybe I will start to feel better. But I don’t.

I want to tell you how funny my girls are. How big Harrison is getting. About my SIL’s wedding next week. I’d rather be telling you how much I miss my conference peeps. How lonely it feels to go and get coffee alone every morning. But I just can’t today.

Today sucks. Today I just want to hide. Today, I may just hide. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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