Guest Post: Mommy Myths

Months ago, I asked Liz if she’d write a guest post for me. She said no. She may have even said, hell no. Brat. She had her reasons and as her friend I had to not bug her about it again. Okay, maybe I did a few times. Like once, twice…okay maybe every few weeks. I told her that she could have the keys anytime she wanted. My place is her place. I wasn’t going to hold my breath though.

It’s a mark of a true friend when you wake up one day, on one of the crappier weeks of your life, to find a guest post sitting in your inbox. One that you didn’t even think to ask for. One that makes you cry, because somehow it was exactly what you needed. I am a wreck this week, people. It’s not something I am ready to discuss yet. I will in time, I’ve seen too that. However, now is not the time. I’m not going anywhere and I’m sure I’ll post something on Friday for Harrison’s first birthday. Just give me some time okay?

Today, for me, please read what my best friend sent me this morning….late last night. One of those. Be kind to her. I’d really like to encourage her to start writing again on her own blog.

Mommy Myths-

So, nearly 5 years ago, I became ‘Mama’ when my first child was born.  A boy.  Cuter than all the rest–no really!!  You should have seen him.  5 weeks early.  I was woefully unprepared in SO very many ways.  For one thing?  My hospital bag wasn’t even packed yet…  But aside from the logistical preparations, I was also behind the game in the more emotional aspects.  And, looking back on it, I’m pretty sure that nothing could have changed that.  It seems like aside from actually stepping through the experience myself, there wasn’t a way around it.  So, here is a list.  A list of things I wish I had known, but wouldn’t have believed even if you told me.  Take it or leave it.

1)  Babies are TINY and scary. I had done my share of babysitting.  In fact, in high school and college my summer job was working at a child care center.  So, when it came to taking care of a baby, I figured I could handle it.  Baths?  Feeding?  Diapers?  No problem.  The truth?  The truth is that I found myself TERRIFIED.  Totally and completely.  In fact, when we got home from the hospital, we had to move the bassinet over to my husband’s side of the bed.  I was too afraid to have it on my side.  I could not stop checking to see if he was still breathing.  I could not stop worrying about how much milk he was getting and was it enough and when was his last diaper and was that within the normal range?  My husband likes to say that babies are like animals.  They can see in the dark and smell your fear.  It sure felt like it…

2)  Breastfeeding is not all rainbows and kittens. I don’t have much to say about this.  I’m not here to tell you what to do.  I just want to say that I did it.  It was the right choice for me.  For us.  For our family.  And I didn’t love it.  It was hard.  And painful.  And exhausting.  Did I enjoy it?  Sometimes.  Was it amazing and a “real bonding experience”?  Sometimes.  Did I frequently wish I wasn’t doing it?  Yep.  And did I feel guilty for being so happy when I weaned both kids at about 8 months?  YES.  I guess what I really want to say is that parenting is about trying and making the right choices for you.  And having the support from family and friends to keep from second guessing yourself too much.  I don’t like the nagging feeling of “coulda, shoulda, woulda”.  Make the best choice for you and have faith in yourself.  It’s all about confidence–something I generally lack.

3)  You can’t do it ALL. Serious.  Serious, SERIOUS.  This one I am still struggling with in a big way.  Not humanly possible.  At least, not for THIS human.  When my daughter was born two years ago, it took a FULL six months before “I just might be able to do this eventually” entered my head.  Yeah, it took six months before I even thought that in passing.  Not “Yeah!  I’ve got this mastered!!”  Not “Two kids is hard but doable.”  The simple, I *might* be able to do this SOME day.  I don’t want to hear how you have X number of kids and your dishes are washed every night and the clean clothing is always folded and put away where it belongs.  That hasn’t been my reality.  Our house is generally a mess.  My brain is pulled a million directions every day.  I have a running “to-do” list in my head that seem infinite.  And I look around at the showered, manicured people driving spotless cars and wonder why does it feel so hard for ME?  I have a full time job.  My husband has a full time job.  The kids are still young.  We are juggling a lot.  I’m learning to adjust my expectation of ‘realistic’.  At the end of the day, the kids are loved, and fed.  And most of the time bathed.  Some of the time at least.    And the dishes?  They can wait for another day.  Really