Shocking, no? Sometimes it still shocks me. It always comes back to that though.
The Internet is just like real life.
Some people are awesome, some aren’t, some you have the probability of becoming life long friends with and others not. Some people you just dislike right away, some you know to be leery of. You get disappointed just as easy as you would if you saw someone ever day. You can be made to feel like a fool for trusting too much just as easily.
In real life and online, I am a very trusting person. To a fault sometimes. I see the good in people. Always. I look for the good in people, even when others don’t see it. Sometimes I end up hurt. It’s what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve. I’d say I’ll change. Every time I get hurt, get taken advantage of, I swear never again. But you can’t undo your personality after 30 years of life and I really don’t want too. It’s part of me. I am a great caring friend. Until I’m not. I’m trusting, until I’m not. Once that trust is gone, it’s likely not going to come back. I am a Taurus after all.
On Friday, I heard a story that made me cry. A story that made me hurt for someone who I thought was a friend. A story that angered me for this person. A person who was my friend, who I had trusted with some deep secrets of my own. I fought for her. I spread the word, I attacked trolls and I tried to be a good friend.
As most of you know by now, it was just that; a story. Maybe there is a bit of truth mingled with the story. Maybe she believed every word of it. I really don’t know. In truth it no longer matters. I’ve seen the truth. I saw other truths as well as the big one.
I am hurt. I feel like I’ve been used. I feel like a fool. I trusted someone and got burned.
Sadly, it’s not the first time, nor the last time this will happen.
I initially started blogging almost four years ago. It’s changed a lot. The outlets, the connection, the speed in which we communicate, has changed so much. Now there is Facebook, iPhones, Blackberry Messenger and Twitter, instead of just email and blogs. Back then Gchat was new and almost no one used it. Now a lot of people do. We talk all day on Twitter and Facebook. We not only know the bigger stories that are shared on blogs, we also hear the small day to day details of each others lives.
It used to be much simpler. Easier. You commented, maybe you got a return comment. Occasionally an email. It took months to feel like you really were friends with someone. Now it’s so fast, it seems to happen in days.
It’s not that it bothers me. It’s not that I want to go back to the way it used to be. I adore getting to know so many people, so quickly. I met my best friend because of Twitter. And yes, even after only knowing her for 8 months, I do consider her my best friend. Without a question of a doubt.
But it is very fast. And I forget that it’s real. That I’m only seeing the things people want me to see. All of you live all over the world. I have readers from all over the world. That’s cool. Really cool. Most of you I’ll never meet and I have no problem with that. I’ve met a ton of great people. I’m sure I will meet more. We all share what we want online. We share our best stories. Some of us share the worst of ourselves. Just as many never will. Either way, it’s okay.
This is the real world though. You can get hurt just as easy, maybe even more, because sometimes without being able to see someone, we share more than we normally would. The written word can be easier than the spoken word.
I am not writing this, just because of this one incident. I just went to DM someone on Twitter, someone who I thought was following me and realized they aren’t any more. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. Or this is what I try to tell myself. In reality though, it stings a bit. Just like the moms at the school who all go out for coffee, but won’t invite me. Oh they’ll gladly have my girls over for play dates with their kids, but I get the cold shoulder. I don’t fit in. I’m an outsider.
I’m an outsider in the online world as well. I flitter in and out of groups of friends. It’s the way I’ve lived my life, so I’m used to it. I’ve always been the girl who could hang out with anyone and get along. I’ve always had a few close friends. (However I’ve known them forever, so it’s more like we are siblings.) I don’t know where I fit.
What I do know is right now, I’m hurt. I trusted someone and I’m sad with the way things happened.
This world we’ve created, this online world…it’s just like life. It’s something I need to remember a bit more.
I’m sorry that you were hurt. And you’re right, the internet is just like RL and people can be mean and be huge liars and users. It sucks.
About twitter–please don’t use that as a guide of your friend’s feelings towards you. Twitter does randomly unfollow people sometimes on its own. It’s like it’s possessed or something.
Marinka´s last blog ..test
Oh issa, I wanna hug you
I heart you and I love our talks
I wish I knew more so I could offer more than just an “I’m sorry.” Thinking of you.
Issa Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@Allyson, Friend, that is more than enough. Love you.
I’m so very much the same. Almost too willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Blows up in my face so often. xo
Karen ´s last blog ..I Wasn’t Raped Once.
Beautifully put. I was never good at making friends—because I was shy. Now, having “friends” is lovely…and painful. I’m sorry. This does suck.
Every little bit of it. And, there is a child involved. That hurts worse.
Heather´s last blog ..Left Field
I’m so sorry you were personally hurt by that situation. I felt used, etc. just because I retweeted about the incident; thankfully, I hadn’t ever had conversations with the person. Because then I’d be really angry and hurt.
I still don’t understand the whole situation. I don’t get how she thought she could “get away” with this or WHY anyone would want to. I wish I knew what she was truly thinking the whole time and what was going on in her mind, but no one really ever will. Unfortunately, it makes me second guess everyone’s tweets and will make me think twice before retweeting something again. And that sucks.
But again, I’m sorry you were hurt by a “friend”.
punkinmama´s last blog ..three
Issa Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@punkinmama, Me too. It makes me second guess everything. And I don’t like that feeling.
Hugs.
I read her original post about it and was horrified – I was angry ALL day. I worried about this happening to other people and was thinking about how to get involved so as to affect change.
I did go back in her Twitter page and read some of the entries about not wanting to post it in her blog because she wanted to make money so I hesitated to get involved.
Then of course I read the TSA Blog yesterday.
I watched the tape multiple times.
I read her “apology” blog. That was a disappointment.
I read her original post again today. Maybe, because of her anxiety and the medication she dreamt it and truly believes/ed it.
That’s my give the benefit of the doubt side. My other side is angry that I was duped, got emotionally involved, that people who are/were her friends were hurt. I am concerned about the safety of her child.
Were any of her past posts real? How much was exaggerated? The suspicion and doubt that it casts on other blogs where she posted is deserved and I’m sure VERY hurtful.
I think that your post about this is very real and raw. I commend you for being honest about your hurt. I applaud you for realizing that this won’t be the last time but it won’t stop you from allowing yourself to make connections.
All too often we use these types of situations to add another brick to that emotional wall we’ve been building since childhood. Congratulation on putting the trowel down and choosing a different path and embracing who you are!
GreenInOC´s last blog ..No More Breastmilk For You FAT Baby…
You know what’s weird? After the whole drama with you-know-who (rhymes with shmerksofbeingme) a few months ago, I read that story on Friday, and my first thought was, “Huh. I wonder.” I left her a supportive comment, but I didn’t have the same strong reaction that a lot of people did. I know the TSA can be lousy, but something about her story just sounded… off. And you know what? I really liked that blogger – we weren’t exactly friends, but we were friendly – and I HATE that my hunch was correct.
Also? You can flit your way into my group anytime, lady. xoxo
cindy w´s last blog ..timesharing the holidays
Bridget Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@cindy w, this is almost exactly what I was going to say. So…I’ll just say “ditto”
Bridget´s last blog ..The Doctor Is In: H1N1 Vaccine
This is what I’m scared of. You basically summed it up entirely.
I love the online world. It’s given me hope that I’m not the only one out there. But at the same time, sometimes I find out these blogs I read, they’re not real? Think of April Rose, or Friends of pepe. and then I get scared, and maybe a little gunshy. I’m scared to get rejected though, because then blogland is the real world.
Without venturing into my opinion on the particular subject on hand, I will say this has made me weary. There are some people I communicate with online (that are well known) and I feel like they are full of shit. It’s an awful feeling, do I call them out or do I hope and wish I am wrong? Maybe I’ll never know, maybe they’ll remain the elusive online personality.
Bottom line is, your kindness, trusting, and generosity was taken advantage of. For what reason, not sure if we’ll ever know. I just hope that hurt feelings pass and true and meaningful relationships still have a shot at being nurtured.
I hope you read my post tomorrow, it’s kinda sorta related.
Issa, you are true and you are real and I would love to have coffee with you any time.
Carmen´s last blog ..In Which My Daughter Learns the Meaning of the Word "Commando"
Beautifully put. So sorry you got hurt, getting hurt by friends sucks. I’ve never been great at making friends because I’ve always been really shy, twitter has really helped me make a few online friends, but it sucks to be reminded that online friends can hurt you just as much as real life friends. Hugs.
Lisa´s last blog ..Making the Cut
HUGE, squeezy hugs, my friend. I’m so sorry that got trampled in this mess. You have a beautiful, giving, and compassionate heart that is apparent to all who meet you. That someone took advantage of that is horrible.
Please know that I am so very thankful to call you my friend. I’m glad the internet brought us together. =) I think, just like real life, there’s a lot more beautiful out there than there is ugly. The ugly just really stinks when it hits you.
I’m wishing for a week full of beautiful for you. For all of us.
xoxox
I’m
PsychMamma´s last blog ..Embracing Holland
That YOU got trampled in this mess. Ugh. Obviously, I need to go to sleep.
Love you, sweetie.
PsychMamma´s last blog ..Embracing Holland
You’re so classy. I’m so sorry you were hurt.
MommyGeek´s last blog ..GTT- Getting Crafty? Hell no!
*hugs*
Life is what you make it. The more you dwell on the bad, the worse it is.
You are an amazing person. You’re a loving friend – you can’t help that. You give your all in a relationship, regardless and you should be proud of that. I too am a Taurus. I put myself out there wear my heart on my sleeve. Right and wrong are sometimes blinded by my need to help.
I hear you.
*hugs*
sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The Wind
Thanks for sharing this. You’re totally right in that I (we) tend to believe what I read. Stupid maybe? Maybe a little naive? I don’t know, I like to think that moms “like me” are honest and truthful and wouldn’t mislead me in such a huge way. I wasn’t this persons friend but I too was willing to help, I wanted to help. I even sent her blog to local media and now I feel like a fool.
In some ways this new internet/social networking/blogging world is no different than high school. I have come into this a little late and feel like a freshman. I want to be friends with some of the “cool” kids but don’t feel as though I fit in. It’s like arriving to the movies near the end and trying to catch up, it’s hard. Especially when you feel like you’ve met someone who can be your friend, fill you in and make you comfortable only to find out that they’ve been dishonest the entire time.
I’m sorry your “friend” misled you and hurt you. I guess the “good” news is that your true friends wouldn’t treat you that way.
Karen´s last blog ..Peek a Boo
((Issa)) we can’t let the a-holes ruin it for us. We just pick up and keep going. Because for every attention whoring liar, there are real people out there that makes this blogging world worth being a part of. I luffs you!!!
I wear my heart on my sleeve, too. I’m slow(ish) to trust, but once I make that leap, I’m loyal to a fault, and it has bitten me in the ass more than once. I hate that I am gullible enough to take people’s words at face value (and I hate being made to look like a fool for supporting said people). That being said, the loyalty and empathy are a huge part of me, parts I don’t think I want to lose because I wouldn’t be ME.
*squishy hugs*
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Doof Mom likes me!
i missed the huge bru-ha-ha yesterday, but i’m glad for it. i, too, trust people, to a fault. i’m sorry it hurts.
let’s go get some coffee.
mommymae´s last blog ..quickly quilty
I’m so very sorry.
I feel unhappy when I think about how many people have been hurt. I worry about how this impacts others and how the rest of us feel when we talk about things.
We got my daughter’s diagnosis hot on the heels of the woman blogging about the fake dying baby thing and I was very, very reluctant to talk about my daughter as a result. I wanted to talk; I needed to talk, but I was afraid that, by talking, I was opening myself up to people saying I was making it all up or worse. I hate that the Internet world is this way sometimes.
I’m sorry girl. I know you must have felt betrayed on more than one level. I’m with Marinka on the twitter thing – twitter is very fickle, it hates me, could be a mistake. Also, I hope you’ll keep flitting my way?! Often.
anymommy´s last blog ..Wanna Bet?
I’m sorry you were hurt. I am in shock to say the least to come back to the online world today and see what I’ve missed. It hurts when you put 100% only to find out the person you were supporting was taking advantage. I wish she came to at least you or Jenna or Jenn or someone with an apology or explanation. I’ve learned by getting burnt not to trust everyone and I hope that going forward those you are true to, consider themselves luck and give nothing less than the best back.
xo
i could have written this myself. you know how i feel about it all. hugs. xo
becky´s last blog ..My Memories
I am so glad I don’t have the twitter ability or desire. Perhaps it IS the speed and complete absorption that it requires that I don’t like?
Anyway. The people who flit in and out of our lives don’t matter as much. It’s the ones that you form a bond with that we want to keep close. The people who take the time to really comment and really keep in touch, no matter what.
Hope today is a bright day for you. Take care.
tracey´s last blog ..It’s amazing what a little sunshine can do for the soul…
Great post, friend! It really sucks that a few bloggers have to put so much doubt into others heads. These same few bloggers spoil the fun and trust for so many good (truthful) ones out there.
You are amazing, I’m glad we’re friends.
XOXO
AmazingGreis´s last blog ..O who? Hook’em Horns!!!
oh, and p.s. i hope we’re always friends. online and irl!
Bridget´s last blog ..The Doctor Is In: H1N1 Vaccine
I just want you to know, I am sorry your feelings were hurt. This is part of the reason I sometimes stay so close to the edge of things. I want to jump in, but I am not very trusting. Also, I know to well how human everyone is, so I try to take it as life and not too personal.
I am glad I met you, you are a very kind and caring soul.
Vixen (aka ladybugsgrama)´s last blog ..Someone Stole My Halloween Decorations
I am aware of the situation that you are talking about. I am a born skeptic, so the radar was raised early, but I was on her side, because it is a blog I follow thanks to twitter. I too am sorry that your feelings were hurt, especially when you have defended her.
I have been logging on to twitter less and less, because I have felt that I get sucked into some vortex of stories that I have no business being in. I am not insinuating that you do, but I am mentioning it, because I was losing track of what was real and what wasn’t and being concerned about another story every second of every day. My real life became less important and the online one became more. I had to shed some of that to be sane. One thing I know is that I will continue not to trust people right away, but will find blogs that I can. Yours is one of the few. I am an outsider too both online and IRL. I appreciate you representing me in this world.
You said this so well. I identify with so much of it.
I wasn’t personally invested in her story, I found out about it after she was “outed”, and I’m sorry that you were hurt by it.
xoxo
Well, you and I are new “friends,” but I felt so bad for you the other night when you were feeling very over it all. I feel like blogging is in it’s adolescent years (and you know what a pain in the ass adolescents can be) when sometimes it’s all love and unicorns and sometimes it’s like a bear attack.
Twitter, well, for me the jury is still out. Honestly it mostly makes me feel like the nerdy girl who isn’t cool enough to get @’ed. Lots of people talking amongst themselves. Like all things, this too shall pass, and frankly it seems like you have LOTS of friends, virtual or otherwise.
Gray Matter Matters´s last blog ..Where Expectation and Expiration Collide
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I feel it, a little, and I certainly understand why you feel it.
I think I keep a guard up when it comes to online relationships, unfortunately. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
I love you.
If I had known her better I would feel the same way.
I totally wish I could have hugged you at blogher dammit.
Loralee´s last blog ..It’s never too late for civility
Oh sweetie. I love you.
But Why Mommy´s last blog ..Sharing is Caring