Drlori Asked: How does one know something tastes like shit? Have they tasted shit? What do you think is the most annoying kid’s show on television?

Issa’s assvice: Interesting. Very interesting. I don’t know why people say that honestly. I’ve said it for years. I’ve also been asked for years, by smart asses such as yourself, how I know what shit tastes like.  LOL. I think it’s more fun to say than, this tastes really bad. Shit, is the worst people can come up with as visual word. Visual people, like using visual words.

TV show? Dora. Hands down. I hate her voice. I banned it from my house, way back when Morgan was a toddler. No joke, Bailey and Harrison will NEVER see it here.

Avasmommy Asked: Why people, when confronted with something that stinks, always wants someone else to smell it too?

Issa’s assvice: They want conformation that they are correct? They are unsure? Sometimes they are being lazy and didn’t really smell it. Sometimes they are being jerks and want to make you gag too. Depends on the person, day and mood. Basically? Human beings are weird.

Sara 3 is enough – Overpopulation – i.e. the show, 18 and Counting on TLC. (She was giving me a suggestion about a post. I’d asked on Twitter.)

Issa’s assvice: Those people are insane. INSANE!!!!! I will say one thing for them though…their kids appear to be healthy and happy. Some people can’t say that about families with two kids. I give them props for that. They have managed to raise their kids, completely without government assistance, which makes them A-Okay in my book. Yes, they have choosen to be on a TV show. However, having 18 kids makes you a spectacle everywhere you go, so you may as well let the world know who you are. Plus, hai, that is them supporting their kids.

My real problem with them, is all the dang J names. I mean, they could have used most of the alphabet by now. After the forth kid, they could have switched to a new letter for four more kids and so on. I don’t care to watch the show, although I have seen it. When I do,  I spend the entire time, renaming their kids. I may have a slight name problem.

Amber asked: What should I get the co-worker whose name I drew for Christmas… $15 min.

Issa’s assvice: a gift card to Starbucks or Jamba Juice. May seem like a cop out, but most people like to pick their own scents in candles or body stuff. Plus, who needs more of that crap? This way, they will be happy and you can buy yourself a drink when you get the card. Congratulate yourself for not going into a mall, or buying a gift that will be re-gifted next year, or thrown our during a move. Trust me. No one needs more sugar cookie scented candles.

Sweet life – Underwear. (For the life of me, I don’t remember what it was about underwear that she wanted to know. Sorry Dre.)

Issa’s assvice: Um…please wear them. If you don’t, please don’t announce it. That is one of those things best left unsaid.

Pamela asked: What should I get my husband? Get laid coupons?

Issa’s assvice: You could. If you are that nice. Personally I recommend a video game. There is a lot less work involved for you. Plus? They always use those coupons in the WORST moments. Like when you are sick, crampy, dying and want to murder them.

Heather asked: I want the #s to the winning lottery ticket. Can you make that happen? you know, BEFORE they draw the #s?

Issa’s assvice:  Sure. Anything for my peeps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 5. What? Those don’t sound like winning numbers to you? Try it, then yell at me.

GreenInOC asked: I need a gender neutral white elephant gift. Budget is $75.00.

Issa’s assvice: I have no idea. I have a white Eeyore from a few years ago. I hate to outsource my brilliance here, but I’m just not quite this good today. Try asking the lovely ladies at Cool Mom Picks. Truly, I’ve known Kristen and Liz over there for years. If it exists, they may have had it on their site. Heck, it was probably even organic or handmade.

Kari asked: What is the most important lesson you have learned in your life?

Issa’s assvice: DUDE KARI! Could you not have asked me a harder question? Like how to create world peas? I will give you the smart ass answer and I will beg your forgiveness, because it’d take me weeks to figure out the real one right now. Smart ass answer is: That my TWITTER NAME will not be said in an airport and I should listen for my name, while waiting for a flight. Ahem.

Bridget asked: Why is it so damn hard to find Christmas decorations that I like? A better question might be: Why am I so damn picky?

Issa’s assvice: I think, my lovely friend that you answered your own question. You are too picky. I can tell you what I do though. I find one a year for each of the kids. Generally at Hallmark, or the Lennox ones from Macy’s. Expensive but very awesome. Try for a couple, instead of wanting a ton. It adds up to a nice collection over time. On the why are you so picky? Meh, you are a woman. It’s in our DNA.

Thanks for playing along everyone. Issa’s assvice is officially closed.