No matter what, I still choose love

Tonight I needed a break from reality. Luckily my mom is in town, so she recommended I take myself to a movie, while she stayed with the kids. I decided to go see Valentine’s Day. I figured either it’d be really dang funny or I’d come out of it depressed. But hey, that’s nothing new, so a movie wouldn’t really make it any worse. I could use a good laugh, was my thinking, so I decided to give it a shot.

I’ll be honest with you, I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Shocker, no? Snort. I’ve never really been into it, it’s not just this year. It’s overly commercial, it is disappointing for most people and no matter what, you shouldn’t just show people you love them one day a year. The only thing I love about it, is buying cute shirts for my kids. Which possibly says more about my shopping addiction then my dis-like of this particular Hallmark holiday.

So I went and saw the movie. Have you seen the preview?

Oh I’m so smart, I can embed it. Maybe. Let me see here. Oh yay, it worked.

It was, not surprisingly, really freaking funny. It’s a romantic comedy. It’s a chick flick.  It has the who’s who of Hollywood, all in one movie. Everyone from Shirley Maclaine to Taylor Swift. You’ve got McDreamy, McSteamy, Jennifer Garner, Bradley Cooper and Ashton Kutcher all in one movie. So many others, more than I could even begin to name.

It was a very random, very funny movie. It had one theme. Love. Of course, I mean it isn’t called Valentine’s Day for nothing, right? It’s a movie about love. Tons of small stories about love. Everything from elementary school love to 50 year marriage love to love gone wrong. Life, love, the silly things people do on Valentine’s Day, all in the name of love.

I liked it. I laughed. It was cute. It made me happy, in some strange way.

Then I came home. To my new life. I am not bitter about tomorrow. I’m just bitter in general. There is a difference, I promise you. I adore love. I truly do. I loved being in love, which is why it hurts as bad as it does, to find out that I was the only one in love for a long time. I still love, love. I don’t have what I thought I had. Not anymore.

Here’s what I know though: In my guest room, the first person I ever loved is asleep. My mother. I love her, no matter what. That is something that never, ever changes. She loves me, no matter what. No matter what stupid mistakes I’ve made, no matter how much I screw up my life, no matter what I say to her. She still loves me.

Sleeping in their beds tonight are two little girls and a tiny little boy, who have my entire heart. I have loved them, since I saw the little heartbeat on the monitor…maybe even before then. I will always love them. No matter what, forever, I will love them.

I may not have what I thought I had, but I have them. Life didn’t turn out how I thought it would. In some ways it turned out close. Life isn’t something you can choose. It just happens to you.

I still choose love. Always and forever, I will choose love.