You know those commercials? The, depression sucks the life out of everyone around you ones?

Yeah, those have a way of making me want to throw something at my TV. I don’t, only because I love my TV. The problem with those ads, is they are written by pharmaceutical companies. Or for them. Whatever. They are basically sprouting off that your (my) depression could be helped by their oh so wonderful med. Then you’d want to get out of bed. Then you’d have energy. Then your children and dog wouldn’t ever be sad. Or something.

I’m taking it out of context, I’m sure. It still annoys me.

Because I am depressed. Or more accurately, I suffer from depression. I’m not actually depressed as I’m writing this. It is a constant struggle though. I am medicated for it. Guess what though? The medication isn’t a magic pill. Does it help? Yes. Does therapy, yes. Mostly. Sleeping enough helps. Sometimes. When I can actually manage to sleep. I’m not a sleeper. It’s genetic. I take something for that too. Some nights it does help. Some it just doesn’t.

My depression likes the cold. It likes winter. It feeds on winter. I can keep it at bay easier in the summer. When the days are longer and the nights and darkness shorter. When I can play outside in the sun with my kids. When there is watermelon and cherries and ice cream in the house all the time. When music is loud and dance in the living room parties happen often. When I get a break from forcing children to do homework after school. Then? It’s easier. Not perfect, but a bit easier. My depression shrinks away from the sun. It’s not so fond of summer. I think it hibernates until it sees the jackets come out again.

It doesn’t matter what’s gone on during the week, it’s still there. I had a pretty good week last week, but I still woke up in a foul mood yesterday. I woke up in a, I could stay in bed all day and cry mood. I had gone to be in a good place and woke up in a pretty cruddy one. No idea why. It just is.  I had three kids to hang out with, a sunny summery day to be out in and I managed to pull myself out of that mood. A sunny day outside with my kids helps. It isn’t a guarantee though. It could have just as easily been a shitty parenting day for me, filled with video games and too much TV for them, while I wallowed in my own head. It happens.

Yesterday it ended up okay. Yesterday was a great day, during a great sunny, warm weekend. I can’t always pull my self out of it. Sometimes I get lucky like yesterday and I can. Sometimes I fake it. Other times it’s just too bad and I do the bare minimum to get through my day.

I still hate those commercials though. If only it were as easy as the commercials make you believe.