I write in the moment. You can probably tell by all of the spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts. I write in the moment. I write to get the words out of my head. I write what I need to say and then I post it. If it’s hard to write it, I am likely to not even re-read it before I hit post. I should, this I know, but I don’t. Sometimes I just can’t.
Part of it, makes me real. It’s what keeps some of you coming back. I am honest and raw and very emotional. At least on this blog. It’s like I open up my head, shake out my thoughts on this page and don’t look back. It helps me in life, to be able to remove some of these thoughts in this space. You get me, here in this space. The real me. The honest, sometimes crazy, sometimes a mess, me. I have been told by some that it’s a great thing. I’ve been told by others it is what will keep me from making it as a blogger. Whatever that means.
It’s also what leaves me open and vulnerable. So much so, that on occasion I can’t even read the comments. I normally do. There have been times where I haven’t. Those I keep for later. Sometimes? Later doesn’t come.
Right now? It’s keeping me from writing. I have a lot of things I want to say. However, I don’t know that I should. I don’t feel like I can. I open and close this page. Have for a week now. I believe I have caused my share of drama for the year. My quota has been filled and I’m done.
Posting may be light around here, until I find my sea legs again. A space that used to feel so safe, now feels not so safe. I always knew my words could be used against me, but I now find myself unsure how to speak at all. I feel stifled.
14 Responses to Stifled
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
I’ll be here waiting for when you do come back. ANd everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions even if it upsets other people. Even what other people said to you…even if it was upsetting…they were entitled to it. So don’t be afraid to write. And if you DO stick with the break, at least don’t leave twitter
I’ll still love you no matter what you do. Blog or no. Twitter or no.
It’s your space. You have the right to say whatever you think. Silly, depressing, drama filled, or sentimental.
I think everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. I also think a lot of people forgot that.
Love you babe.
Lu Reply:
June 10th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
@avasmommy, I am ditto-ing all of this b/c I am sick and Jenna shares thoughts with me. Lubs you.
Lu recently posted..Updates and other awesomeness.
Isn’t the whole point of blogging to be able to get your thoughts out? How does that not make you a real blogger? *Sigh*
Relax and spend time doing what you want to do, whether it’s blogging or not, and everyone will be here for you.
Mo recently posted..The Daily Snark Is 2 Today
Oh my dear I am sorry you feel that way. I will be here ready to read you whenever you have something to say. And I’m always available by email or phone to listen if you can’t write it.
But Why Mommy recently posted..Reminders
WTF does making it as a blogger entail? I don’t like the way people have been treating you over the past few months. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this, but you know I am here for you. Is there anything I can do?
Molly recently posted..My parents are saints
Ah pet, I’m so sorry you are getting shit for your honesty. I wish you well and I will wait patiently until you get your legs back. Take care.
J from Ireland recently posted..Edinburgh Rocks!!
Whatever you need, I’m here for you. Take time and take care. xoxo
I get it. Putting your thoughts out there is scary and can make you feel incredibly vulnerable. But guess what? For every person that may have a difference of opinion or use your words against you, there are several more who probably feel the same way and find comfort in your words. You have a valid, needed voice. So do those that might disagree with you, but that doesn’t make yours any less valid or needed.
I understand how you’re feeling though.
Kirsten recently posted..The Weight of It All
I am sad you’re taking a break, but do what you need to do for YOU.
Susan @ Sassafrassery recently posted..Cristin and Andrea
I so hear you—-I hesitated on my last post FOREVER but finally thought it was “anonymous enough” to be ok. I used to think I could say anything but it was one hurt note I got from someone I love dearly that made me rethink my entire approach. And that’s hard.
I’m sorry—-hopefully when I see you at BlogHer and we lock ourselves away with Nutella and wine, you can spill all your secrets! ; )
Oh my goodness, i am so sorry if people are saying bad things to you. I adore you and read your blog because you are a “real” human being, honest, open and our there. It makes you, well, you. I pray that you don’t stop blogging, but if you do, you know how to reach me via email. I am sending many hugs and much love your way my friend. Blog or no blog, we love you!!!
I can’t be too open, either. Not always. I have to evade and tip toe in order to save future selves from knowing the blackness that envelopes me at times. Of course, we are all filled with evil blackness, so maybe by hiding it, I am stifling their futures, too??
AHHHH!!
tracey recently posted..My gift to you
RuhRoh. I hope whatever happened goes away. We love you around these parts!
Headless Mom recently posted..Mexican Rice