I have trouble on therapy days. She pushes me. With good reason. I pay her to push me. To pull all of the crazy thoughts out of my head. So we can discuss them. If I keep talking about them, they tend to get a bit easier to deal with. That’s the theory at least.
The thoughts go round and round in my head. It’s nice to pull them out. Try and makes sense of some of them. Then after 55 minutes, she shoves them all back in my head until the next week. I see how helpful this is. I really do. Tomorrow or the next day, I will feel better about some things. Each week I do see improvement. If I didn’t, I’d find someone else.
But therapy days suck. I’ve gotten past just sitting there bawling through 90% of it. Which is nice. Although when I did that, I needed that. Talking and talking and re-looking at things from a different perspective is hard. Talking about things that I’m not really wanting to talk about is hard. It wipes me out. It makes me emotional. It makes me very long windy. (Which is why I’ve changed my tagline for this blog. Did you see it?)
This divorce thing? Hasn’t gotten easier. Somehow I though by six months in, that I’d feel better about it. I don’t. The day to day living has gotten easier. I guess it’s true, you can get used to just about anything. I’ve gotten used to being alone more. I don’t freak out every time my kids aren’t with me. I also don’t know how to be without them quite yet, but I’m working on it. I’ve made improvements. It’s not easy though.
Therapy days make me all crazy in the head. Or something. I am more likely to have a panic attack on therapy days. I am more likely to drive my best friends absolutely insane with my complete spazzy behavior on therapy days. I am more likely to cry at nothing, to get my feelings hurt at nothing and to say things I don’t mean and wish I could take back on therapy days.
I’m trying not to be like that. It’s hard. Holy shit people, it’s so hard. It’s hard to turn it off, once you dig that deep. Which is why you all get the most depressing, non-sensical posts from me on Tuesdays. Shrug.
7 Responses to Therapy days suck
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
Babe, I hear you. But look at it this way… you’re six months in. Six months. That’s half a year. Round up, because that’s what we do in America, and it’s been a year. It’s practically forever, right?
Point is your making it through. Love you.
MommyGeekology recently posted..I Run Too Many Websites [Headway Theme]
Oh therapy. I adore it. But sometimes I lose my shit and cancel 20 minutes before the appointment. and then my shrinks like “Yo. Molly. Why are you avoiding me” and then I cry.
Hugs. I’m going to give you an actual hug when I see you at BlogHer.
Molly recently posted..Happy First Birthday George!!
You never drive me insane. Ever.
6 months? Is a blip on the calendar. I know it feels like a lifetime, but trust me, it’s not. You’ve come so far, and you will make it the rest of the way. I promise. And? I will be there every step of the way.
Love you.
avasmommy recently posted..A Drama Whore’s Guide to the Internet
I agree with Jenna. You’ve come SO far and you’re doing it. You didn’t think you could and YOU ARE. I’m proud of you.
Becky recently posted..The Sun and the Sand
Wait, that’s how I behave every day?
Oh sweetheart, I think you’re doing better than you even realize…and, this is all a process. It takes time.
And you really do make long-windy look cool!
Heather recently posted..After Your Husband has a TIA…
I just had my very first therapy day (though for a child) and thought it rocked, but, then again, I was desperate for help and she delivered.
Yes, I can see if I was talking about myself it would be much, much harder. Hugs.
Fairly Odd Mother recently posted..Hitting the couch
I’m sorry therapy days are so hard for you. I haven’t ever gone and to be honest, this post maybe scared me into never going! : )
I think you’ve done SO WELL for only being six months out. Seriously, you are a strong, courageous person. I know you might not always FEEL like you are … but really, you’re very inspirational.
Twenty Four At Heart recently posted..I Feel So Violated!