I was going to do a best of post. I do have a best of page, see the pretty button up there? It’s not completely up to date. But it’s close. But really? I’m not sure I’d call any of my posts great this year. Then I considered doing resolutions. I’m not actually a fan of them, so that idea got thrown out. What to do, what to do? Then I found a meme. One I actually don’t believe I’d seen before. Which is shocking after nearly six years of blogging.
Meme kindly stolen from Temerity Jane, who got it from Sundry. Hmm, maybe it’s not stealing if you ask. I did ask. I’m all nice and polite like that.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I made a pie. I baked a cake. I got divorced. That last one, I don’t really recommend.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Years ago, I decided to stop making resolutions. Then I could stop felling bad about myself in February when I stopped or re-started doing whatever it was I swore I was no longer going to do. So far? That has worked out great.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A cousin. Well my ex’s cousins daughter. She, despite her very young age, is a phenomenal mother to a chubby, drooly, rolly polly of a boy. Besides her? Um just Internet friends.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Which is actually pleasant and surprising considering the past few years that had been filled with death.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Well unless NYC counts, which I hear it doesn’t.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A great job. I have one and it’s not great. One that will end soon. Which sucks. So I’d like a good job. I’d also like to not have to worry about money so much.
Confidence. In myself. In my ability to create the life I want to have.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 20th when I turned 30.
March 3. My 11th anniversary. It will stay in my head forever, because there won’t be a 12th.
A weekend spent in the mountains in June with just my big girl. As well as the ones in May and September where I took all of my kids. It’s a different world up there. All quiet and peaceful and beautiful.
October 14th. The day my marriage was officially over.
An entire weekend spend in California in April. It was pretty dam fun. This one in October was as well.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I made it. I know that seems silly to say. But I can honestly say, that there were many moments where I wasn’t sure. Yet, I have proved to myself over and over and over again that I am stronger than I think. I’ve bought a car. I’ve maintained my house. I’ve taken care of my kids. Alone. I’ve done it. And that is big.
9. What was your biggest failure?
If I say my divorce will you throw things at me? It’s true. My biggest failure this year was that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have vague memory of re-breaking my left thumb in March or something. I’m trying to block it out though.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPad, Stella. She was my 30th birthday gift to myself. I also bought myself a new (used) car in September. The first one I ever bought by myself, which was scary and exciting. Her name is Harper.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Divorce lawyer. Oh and bills. Lots of bills.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Visiting friends. Seeing NYC. Attending BlogHer. That was really a phenomenal trip. Also? Watching Morgan do her first dance performance. That was amazing.
14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I have two actually. If I knew then, by Lady Antebellum and A little bit stronger by Sara Evans.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier. This week last year? Was horrendous. I’m so thrilled to be beyond it.
– thinner or fatter? Same.
– richer or poorer? Poorer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughed. Spent more time outside in the summer. Cooked more.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Flipped out over nothing. Worried. Stressed over the little things that I have no control over. I will say though, this year has been a year of complete change for me. I have trouble with that much change. I’ve done the best I could to get through it. As the year progressed it’s gotten easier for me to deal with things.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve, I took my mom and kids to see Zoo Lights. I cooked. We opened gifts. Then? I dropped them off at their dad’s at 8pm and went home to watch movies with my mom. On Christmas, my mom and I went and hung out at my ex’s aunts house and had Christmas lunch there. It was not perfect, I’ll make some changes to it next year. But it was okay.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
New to me this year? Castle. I adore Castle. But I also still consider The Big Bang Theory and The Amazing Race in my list of favorites too.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Um the Percy Jackson series? Literally, I believe I read two adult books this past year. One was, It’s not You, It’s Me, by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, which I loved. The other was Every Last One by Anna Quindlen, which was harsh but I liked. Mostly though, I’ve read kid books.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Sugarland’s new CD. Michael Buble. David Nail.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Harry Potter. I know I’ve seen others. Am blanking on them. Valentine’s Day cracked me up. So did Sex and the City 2.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. I spent an amazing day with my best friend. I had Princess Cake for breakfast. I saw Ikea for the first time. I remember crying a ton, but meh, that’s just how it ended. It was still a great day.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
This is a hard one for me. Can I say, living on the same street as my three best friends and call it good?
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
I really love flip-flops.
26. What kept you sane?
My kids. My best friends. This blog community.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Life is constantly changing. No matter what you think about it. The only thing one can do is move through it and hope it improves.
My wish for all of us, is an amazing 2011. xoxo, Issa
I remember this week last year. I wrote one of the hardest posts in my life. It was a post filled with love and heartache. Because, just as I said then, the two do tend to go hand and hand.
Back then, I didn’t know that I’d make it. I’d just been told one of the worst things a person can hear: I don’t love you any more, I want a divorce. I thought the pain that I was in would last forever. Melodramatic? Maybe. I tend to be that at times. Yet loosing the life I thought I knew, was (is) harsh. We’d created what I thought was a great life. Then suddenly it was gone. It’s not something I recommend actually. Not something I wanted, yet there it was.
Suddenly it was just me. I only had me to count on. I had to become my kids everything, at least when they were with me. I used to cry at night. Man I cried at night for months. I used to panic constantly. I was a complete mess for months.
Here I sit though, a year later, completely changed. Stronger. More sure of myself. Confident in my ability to make it, no matter how shitty any particular day may be. Possibly a bit more cynical and jaded. Perhaps a bit more cracked than I was before. But I made it.
Want to hear a secret? I think I’m stronger without him. I think I’ve learned to trust myself. To do things for myself. I feel stronger today than I have in years. Don’t get me wrong, my ex is not a bad guy. He’s a good guy and the best daddy I could have ever hoped for our children to have. He’s just a man who fell out of love with me.
But what I’ve realized in the past few months, is that our relationship changed three years ago, when I lost a baby and had a mini-nervous breakdown. From that day forward, our relationship changed. I don’t blame either of us on that one really. What happened was beyond our control. How we dealt with it? Changed us both forever. It was the downfall of our relationship.
Bygones.
However, I’ve never felt strong in any way since then. This past few months? I’ve started to feel it again. Even when I have a day filled with doubt and or sadness, it’s just that. A day. It doesn’t drag on for weeks. I don’t let it anymore. Yesterday was a shitty day. I can’t talk about it, because well we all learned from Dooce what you don’t talk about on your blog. Ahem. However? That was yesterday. Today is a new day. It will be okay. I will figure it all out.
I still have a long way to go. This I know. But next year? It’s going to be my year. I feel it. It has to be. I’m going to make it happen.
I hope you all have a great New Years. Thank you for supporting me this year. I love you all more than I can put into words for your continued support and encouragement.
I hope your food is superb, your treats and booze are plentiful, your family is only mildly annoying and your kids act like little angels. Happy holidays.
Love, Issa
Because sometimes, one needs two titles.
This morning, I told my kids that we would go to see zoo lights tonight, which I will regret because it’s cold as feck. But whatever. We’re going and we will have fun dammit! This is part of my attempt at doing fun things, even though, I have to work 8 of the 10 weekdays my girls have off of school. Also? My ex and his parents will have the kids all of next week and they will ski and have a blast. I get tired of them only doing fun things with him, so yeah…I’m making new traditions.
Anyway.
For your enjoyment and because well hi, it’s my blog, I thought I’d share the supreme difference in my girls with you tonight.
Bailey, who has spent all effing day with me (because her play date got canceled on account of vomit…thankfully not vomit here) and who had already made me want to sell her on eBay. I could have not told her until we pulled up to the zoo that we were going and she’d of been fine. She’d of said, oh the zoo, cool. But she’s known all day. And now? She has now spent the last hour saying the following non-stop: mom are we going now? What about now? Why though? Oh yeah, it’s not dark. Okay when will it be dark. We go after dinner? When’s dinner? Why are we having that? When can it be dinner? You know, dinner sounds lovely right now. I am very starving. Are you sure I had a snack? I don’t feel like I had a snack? I hear you saying, it’s not dinner yet. But when will it be? Yes mommy, I have my listening ears in. They just don’t like what they hear. Can we go now? Look outside, it’s almost dark. Mommy, did you know there are zebras at the zoo? Will we see them? Wouldn’t it be cool if one talked like on Madagascar? Are we going now? Will we ever go?
Morgan is the reason I said anything this morning. I’d of been better off telling her last night. She needs 24 hours notice at least to plan her life. If I’d told her when she got home, she’d be in her room screaming at me about her socks not matching or that the wind blew the wrong direction a week ago or something. Because yeah, change does that to her. I had to tell her this morning, there was no other choice. So this is her, since she got home half an hour ago from an all day play date: Mom, you know it’s cold right? Will we be warm enough? It’s only going to get colder. What if it snows? You shouldn’t have bought those snow boots. That’s why it hasn’t snowed. Yes mother, I will watch my attitude now. I do hear you. You know bubs (we call Harrison, bubs) is a very small boy. What if we loose him? What if he gets too cold? What if they won’t let us take the stroller in? What happens if I drop a glove over the lion gate? But then my one hand would freeze and fall off and I’d go through life with only one hand mother. FINE, I won’t lean over any gates. What if our hot chocolate thermos gets cold? Or runs out? Are you sure there are heat lamps through the zoo? Do you have a map of the zoo? Maybe we can get a map on Google? Well can’t you look to make sure? They should have it. You know, lions here. Snakes there. Well someone should add it. Can you email Google and tell them? Have you driven to the zoo before? But have you driven there at night? Mom? Did you realize how cold it would be tonight when you decided this? What time does it open? What time does it close? What will we do if they close and we are still in there? Are you sure we will be warm enough?
Someone shoot me.
I have a bone to pick with you. On Saturday, December 18th, I was in a grocery store when I saw these:
Cadbury EGGS!!!! A week before Christmas. To make matters worse, they were right next to a display of these little babies:
More Eggs. This time in the form of Peanut Butter Goodness.
See, in general, I wouldn’t care much about these candies. Except that they are formed and marketed as eggs. The holiday coming up? Not the right holiday for eggs. It’s Christmas. You know: trees, Santa, presents, jingling bells and reindeer with blinking red noses. Christmas. If your products had looked like any of those things, I wouldn’t be as grouchy with you as I am.
But no. You can’t leave well enough alone. You had to take the opportunity to put candy out for a holiday that is FOUR EFFING MONTHS AWAY. You do realize this, right? I mean, you people own calendars, correct? Easter is the 24th of April next year. WTF is your problem?
Why can’t we celebrate the holiday that is this month? Why can’t you let us only think about one thing at a time, instead of making us think about something so far away? What is so wrong with only marketing to the holiday of the month? Why can’t you let us just enjoy truffles and Christmas candy?
Also, you are forgetting that there is another major candy holiday before Easter. Valentines Day. Did you forget? It’s smack day in the middle of Christmas and Easter.
Here’s my real problem. Holidays are loosing their magic, because of you. Because of you and Hallmark and everyone else who markets it months in advance. By the time a holiday shows up, I feel like I’ve had to deal with it for three months. At that point I just want it over.
You market Halloween in July. You start marketing Christmas in September. Apparently now, you are okay with bringing up Easter, before I’ve even managed to finish wrapping my kids Christmas gifts. It’s gotten out of hand. You people, have gotten out of hand.
If I can get special, Easter only candy, in December, how is it special anymore? Then it’s just as normal as M&M’s. It looses it’s magic. It looses it’s appeal.
Do you see what you are doing? You are making holidays just another day. You really should re-think this.
Signed,
A grouchy tired mother who will not be buying Easter candy until April.
In a year filled with heartache,
happiness has been hard to find.
At first, I feared, forever gone.
Then a bit here and there.
It has appeared slowly over time.
A trip here, another one there.
New friends. Old friend. Best friends.
Small things that make me smile,
start to add up over time.
Visits. Dinners. Chats. Emails. Calls. Cards.
Sunnier days. Smiling more. Laughing often.
Suddenly I find, I’m happier now,
than I have been in years.
Mid-Decmeber and no depression yet.
Been years since that has happened.
Perfection? Nah. Still finding my happy.
Each day thought, I find bits.
Bits of happy, mixed with love.
Maybe I will be happy again.
This post is brought to you by unicorns, glitter and caramel pecan pie. Oh and Six Word Fridays.
My mind moves a million miles a minute. It always has. I’d bet that I’m as close to having ADHD as one can be without actually having it. Or well with being as lazy as I tend to be. What was I saying?
Ah yes, my mind. It’s fast. It moves miles a minute. I do things all day at a mile a minute. I work all day, yet I also manage to email my friends, to talk to people on Twitter and to play games on WWF. I can do it all at once. I am a multi-tasker extraordinaire. If there were such a title on Wikipedia, I’d bet they’d have my photo on there.
People always ask me, how can you keep up. In reality, I can’t. I just am able to do enough at once, that it seems like I can. It’s the appearance that I give off, I suppose.
The truth? Is that it’s exhausting. I’m a speed reader, but the more I try to do, the less I really catch. My reader is constantly out of hand. I have blogs in there that I don’t even like anymore, but I feel obligated to read them. More and more, I am closing, opening and closing Twitter, without saying a thing. The more I try to keep up, the less I am able to keep up.
It doesn’t help that there is Christmas to deal with and relatives to deal with. It doesn’t help that my kids will be off school for two weeks and I still have to work 80% of that time.
I’m getting too scattered, because I’m trying to do too much. In the end, I’m getting nothing done. Nothing at home, nothing online. I still get my work done….but you know, they pay me. Blogging for me is a hobby.
Do you know that I can’t tell you what happened in 75% of the TV shows I’ve watched this season? I can’t tell you, because I’m also playing on Twitter, or trying to read blogs while I watch TV.
I need to start to slow it down. To learn to do one thing at a time. To be on Twitter, if I want to be on Twitter, not while I’m doing 72 other things. I need to read blogs when I want to read blogs, not because I feel obligated. When I read them, I need to just read them, not also be playing on Twitter.
I am exhausted right now. I’ve taken on too much. I do too much. It’s time to slow down some. It’s time to learn to do one thing at a time.
I have, in the past six months or so, stopped being online much the nights and weekends that I have the kids, except for the occasional tweet sent from my phone. This has been good for them. For me too. Yet, I also need to have nights where I just sit and do nothing for me, when I don’t have them. I need to watch TV more. It sounds silly, I’m sure. The idea of me saying I need to watch more TV. It’s not just that though. I never just relax. I never just sit and do nothing. Even when I’m doing something like playing Angry Birds, I generally am doing three other things. It’s that I’ve let this become a second job. One that I do not get paid for. One that I probably put as many hours a week on, as I do with my paid job.
I dearly love blogging. I love this online world. It’s saved me this past year. It’s helped me learn to be okay this year. You all have helped me more this year than I can even begin to tell you.
But for myself, for my sanity? I have to slow it down.
Next year? I want to write a book. A full book. One that I don’t trash halfway through. That is my goal for next year. To write the novel that is swimming in my head. The only way for me to have time to do that, is to slow down my online life a bit. I’ll still be here. I’ll still write. I’ll still read. I’ll still even be on Twitter. Just not as much.
Hopefully I can learn to do this. This slowing of my life a bit. Hopefully you all will still visit me, if I start posting one less time a week. I can hope. I’m sure it’s a silly fear, that you all will forget me. I have that fear though. I still have to try though. For me. I have to try for me.
I do. I lie to my kids. Innocent lies mostly. Lies to make my life easier. Lies to try and keep the magic of childhood alive for them.
I lie to my kids about Santa. Or well, I did for years. Now both of the girls know the truth, each told around age six by some punk kid at school. (Harrison doesn’t fully get it yet, but I plan on him believing in Santa as well.) When asked point blank by each of my daughters, I did tell the truth. I also made them swear to keep it quiet for other kids and their siblings. I believe in truth telling, when asked. I do. I find it to be important. You will never hear me tell my kids that the stork brought them to my doorstep.
I have never seen how it’s an issue. I see the distinction. Lying about Santa hasn’t ever been a big deal. It’s believing in what you can’t see. It’s being innocent. It’s believing in magic. How is that bad?
I guess to some people, it is bad. Any lying is horrible. We should all tell our children the truth. All the time. If we will lie to them about Santa, we are setting them up for failure later in life. At least that is what I hear from certain people who don’t tell their kids any lies ever.
Can you imagine that? Never, ever, ever lying to your children? Their are people online who claim they never do. Not about Santa. Not about anything. There were a few people who said as much in this post by Mom 101′s post on Santa last week.
I asked a few people I know locally. I had a woman tell me that she never lies to her kids. She tells them the truth about everything. They know about her budget/money issues. They do not believe in magic of any kind. They will never not know reality, were her exact words.
It was eye opening for me. Kind of sad in a way. That someone’s 9, 5 and 3 year olds should only know reality. Reality seems very harsh for a three year old child. It’s harsh as an adult. Why in the world should a three year old know that yet?
I don’t even necessarily care if you tell your kids the truth about Santa. Some kids prefer to know. Some figure it out. Some are Jewish. Or whatever. There are always going to be kids who don’t believe in Santa. I mean I wish those kids wouldn’t ruin it for other kids. But that’s part of life.
It was the, I never lie to my children that didn’t sit right with me. Really? NEVER?
I’m calling that a giant lie right there.
You never told your kids that broccoli are little trees? That the ice cream is all gone? That you were “wrestling” with daddy? Ahem.
You’ve never told any lie? I just don’t buy that.
Dora is napping. Lucky the dog went to live on a farm. Spotty the fish is swimming to the ocean now.
If you keep rolling your eyes at me, one day they will get stuck up there. How will you feel then?
Oh this? This is monster spray. It gets rid of all the monsters. Milk makes you grow strong muscles like Daddy. Green beans? Oh they make you super tall like Uncle. You want to be super tall don’t you?
McDonald’s is closed today. The park is closed today. Disney World is only open for kids over ten.
Oh that song by Miley Cyrus, Party in the USA? Oh it started skipping badly on iTunes, so I had to delete it.
Oh these Peppermint Joe-Joe’s are spicy son.very spicy. Ow. You wouldn’t like them. Here have a Chips Ahoy.
Some of those are just mine. I am funny, in that, I tell my children the truth on big things. Yet, I will lie to them on small innocent things, as witnessed above. Life is harsh. I’ve explained cancer, death, divorce, suicide, war and the Holocaust all in the past year. I won’t lie on those things.
My children know the correct names of their private parts and we’ve had many discussions about what is okay touching and what isn’t. I will never sugar coat that one. As much as I wish I could.
Yet the small, innocent, doesn’t hurt anyone, yet makes my life easier lie? I’m all for it.
I’m not alone either. I asked Twitter. Here were a few examples.
That was a great one. I need to remember it next summer.
This will come to bite you on the butt in a year or two friend, but I commend you on your answer to a seven year old. Sometimes, they don’t want to hear the truth.
I do this one all time. With Elmo. With Cars. With Toy Story. This is called, sanity saving.
Been there, done that. It only works until they learn where you hide it. Actually then they start using it back on you.
I got a lot of answers like this. I can text, email, call Santa. I myself used it for years.
I love that one. Pretty sure I used it a time or two in the past.
Little lies. Parents….well most parents tell them every now and again. Is it going to make our children all become ax murderers? Somehow I doubt it.
So…what say you? Do you lie to your kids?
I did it. I made my first pie yesterday. How I made it to thirty years old, without having made a pie is beyond me. However, now I can say I’ve made one. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I feared it would be. I’ll tell you upfront, I bought a frozen pie crust. I’m not quite that crazy.
I figured, since this is Sunday and all, you’d all probably forgive me for posting a dozen photos of my pie adventure, right? Right. No need to answer. Moving on.
At Thanksgiving, my cousin made caramel pecan pie. Pecan pie, in general is my favorite pie ever. With caramel it is divine. No, really. It is so freaking good. Since my cousin was nice enough to give me the recipe, I thought I’d share it with you..
Caramel Pecan pie:
1 unbaked pie crust.
36 individually wrapped caramels. You know those ones you find during Halloween? There is actually an easier way though. A way that involves not sitting and unwrapping 3 dozen caramels. I found Kraft Caramel Bits. They come in an 11 ounce bag. I found them right next to the chocolate chips in the baking isle. I used one full bag.
1/4 cup of butter
1/4 cup milk
3/4 sugar
3 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup pecan halves…or chunks if you are like me and go to the store without said recipe.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a saucepan over low heat, combine caramels, butter and milk. Stir frequently, until smooth. Remove from heat and set aside.
In a large bowl, combine sugar, eggs, vanilla and salt. Gradually mix in the melted caramel sauce.
Stir in pecans. Pour into unbaked pie crust. Lick side of bowl.
Bake for 45 to 50 minutes, or until the pie crust is golden color. Allow to cool.
Eat. Enjoy. Send me a piece.
It’s tasty, it’s reasonably easy and who doesn’t love pie? On thing I love about this, was the caramels set up better than Karo Syrup ever does at this elevation. I’ve added photos for kicks. Just know, my kitchen is very poorly lit, especially at night, which is when I made this.
But hey, I made pie!!!!!
My first gift. Ollie the Owl:
Getting a gift, makes me smile.
Sending gifts? Makes my heart happy.
Good gifts, I’m great at finding.
The element of surprise? Not really.
You win some, you loose some.
Made one best friend cry yesterday.
Worth it. Tears not always bad.
Best friends ever: Liz, Jenna, Lu.
Grateful for them this past year.
Three best kids: Morgan, Bailey, Harrison.
My three greatest gifts in life.
Each day with them, a gift.
Mom sent Candy Cane Joe-Joes.
She’s my favorite. Cookies always win.
Gift bags. I’m smart. Not crafty.
Cookies last year. Pies this year.
Caramel Pecan Pies, makes people happy.
Jill, Kirsten, Marinka, Stacey, Jodi, Ben.
Caitlin, Becky, Renee, Cindy, Greis, Allyson.
Cherry, Kim, Matthew, Megan, Dorothy, Tania.
You, you, you and you too.
Gifts from the Internet gods. Priceless.
Today is brought to you by The Christmas Spirit and Six Word Fridays.
Grab My Button!
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