You were the one we planned down to a T. The one we read to in utero. You were the one who’s name was picked out three months before birth. The one we read parenting books about before hand, to make sure we did it all right.
You were the one who was the exact opposite of all the books. The one who came early and not on my plan. The one who taught me that nothing would ever again be by my plan. I could probably write a book or two about parenting you.
You were the first. The one I made all the mistakes on. Let’s be honest, the one I’m still making all the mistakes on. You are paving the way for them. Making it easier for them. As a first born, that is sorta your job. As a first born myself though, I know it’s okay. Because you are okay.
In fact, you are amazing.
Today you are nine. Nine years old. I have said that to myself about 20 times today already and it doesn’t seem real. You said it to me at least that many times in-between the butt crack of dawn when you woke me up to tell me (seriously kid, it could have waited one more hour) and 8:35am when I dropped you off for school.
10:43pm. I know you don’t want to hear it, but that is the actual time of your birth. Basically you are still eight right now. I told you that this morning and all I got was an eye roll and a heavy sigh. I guess I’m not that funny anymore. In your mind, I may never have been. Thankfully for me, your siblings are in the, mommy is very funny camp. I like them best.
You were the one that changed my life. The one that made my life not about me anymore. Each day, I am grateful for you. You and your siblings make life worth living.
You ruined maple syrup for me forever. You did. Really.
You were the one who taught me to think before I spoke harsh words, because you take everything personally. You are sensitive, caring, sweet and smarter than me. From you, I’ve learned that being a mother means having infinite patience and that eventually, I will run out of it.
This year, you’ve grown up so much. I wish I could go back and un-do some of that, but I can’t. I can’t un-d0 anything that’s happened this year. It’s forced you to be more responsible. It’s forced you to be a little more mature and helpful than you should have had to be. You’ve risen to the occasion time and time again. I could not be more proud of the way you have been this year.
You were hit by the dancing bug this year. You are a phenomenal dancer. When I close my eyes, I can still picture you on that stage. Not a single miss-step. Not even one.
You were the one that made me a mother. You are the one that makes me strive to be a better mother. To be better for you, as well as your siblings.
Last night, you and Mackenzie and I went to an amazing Fondue Restaurant. That was a first for all of us. We had an absolute blast. I can’t even being to tell you how much fun I had with the two of you. At one point though, we were talking about Harrison and you said, you know mom, he was very annoying this morning. I wish you could put him back. Oh dude, owie. Have you looked at him? He’s a huge monster boy baby. I am not putting him back. Remember how we talked about how babies are born? You really think that shoving him back in there is something I’m going to do?
Oh Em Gee MOTHER. EWWWWWWWW. We are never talking about this again. REMEMBER!!!! Never mention this subject again. Let’s talk about something pretty.
Yeah, that was your actual response. I cracked up. As did the table next to us. Nice people. Young. Newly married looking. Possibly might have kept them from ever wanting kids. Ha.
You never stop making me laugh. Even if you think I’m the strangest, most annoying, non-funny mother in the entire world.
Happy ninth birthday Morgan.
Mommy loves you.
So yeah.
I’m not sure exactly how it happened. Simply I’m sure. I was all grinchy. Now I’m not.
There were probably many reasons that helped change my mood.
When I got home from Thanksgiving, there were a few boxes at my house. A gift I’d bought my mother. A gift I’d bought my son. A little somethin somethin I bought my best friends. Ahem. Still, it was just a few boxes.
The next day, I got a few great deals on toys for my younger two kids. Simple, yes. But it made me happy, since I’d missed shopping on Black Friday.
I made a decision on what Christmas would look like this year. I made concessions for family, yet I also did it in a way that made me feel okay about it. I started planning other things to do with my kids. Starting new traditions if you will.
A few days ago, a few boxes of Candy Cane Joe-Joes arrived from my mommy. For some reason, my house just felt more Christmasy after that. I guess the way to my heart, is in Christmas cookies from Trader Joe’s. Ha.
On Saturday, I went and dug out the Christmas boxes in my basement. I suddenly decided, it’s time to make it feel festive around here. Surprisingly, I found a bag full of ornaments that I believe I bought in January this year at 85% off. It was neat, like finding a gift I left myself. Each of them made me smile.
Then I went shopping. I still went small, but I managed to get each of my kids things that they will love. (Nothing on Credit!) I decided I’d do stockings for them, even though they will spend the night at their dad’s house. Stockings have always been my favorite part.
Then….well, the only thing left was getting a Christmas tree. I’d been thinking, oh I’ll get a weeny little tree. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I took one look at the weeny trees and decided it wasn’t my deal. So? I bought a pretty 6ft tree. My house smells divine.
Last night we decorated my large ass Christmas tree. See?? (Presents under it are actually my daughter’s birthday presents and a few gifts I have for other people. I’m not nice enough to let my kids touch and prod their own gifts for weeks.)
It wasn’t one thing, I believe it was all of it. At some point though? I re-found my love of this season. **Takes off Grinch Hat**
I have never been one of those, stay home to watch TV people. Sure I have shows that I love. I always have. But even in pre-DVR days, I’d just set up my VCR to record a show. Remember those? VHS’s? Yeah, me neither. Ha. I’ve never cared if someone ruined a show for me. Hell, I read the end of books before the beginning and I ask about a movie before I’ve seen it. It just never mattered that much to me.
My one exception, to this day, was Charmed. I loved it. I watched it from episode one, for eight seasons. I stayed home to watch it. Something which made Logan laugh. I’d even set it to record each week. One, so I could watch it again. Two, just in case something came up. A sick baby. A long day at work. It happened. That show was my kryptonite and everyone knew it.
It was silly and un-realistic, but I loved it.
One night, say around season four, I missed it. I’d been working 14 hour days that week. I hadn’t seen Morgan in days, except to kiss her as I left and smooth her baby hair at night, long after she’d been asleep.
I’d recorded it, so I turned it on and got in bed to watch. 20 minutes in, the screen when blue. OMG LOGAN!!!!!!!! IT MESSED UP!!!!! The blue screen of death, the blue screen of death. HELP.
What am I supposed to do, he asked? It’s a TV show? I can’t do anything.
I cried. No joke. I cried. About a TV show. About nine zillion other things. About the stress of work and missing my baby. From lack of sleep. I cried for ten minutes, the whole time a blue screen was still running on my TV.
Yeah, then the show came back on. Logan, as a joke, had been in the room as the show was on. At a commercial, he’d stopped the recording, fast forwarded the tape ten minutes and then hit record again. All I missed was two commercials.
No other show has even come close to making me stay home to watch it. After that point, I stopped staying in to watch that one. I did however smack Logan upside the head for that one.
All I can say, is thank god for DVR’s. So….what about you all? Ever have a show that you stayed home to watch?
Welcome to Wednesday questions, my new posting idea. Which I will likely forget about next week and you’ll never hear of it again. Hey…at least I’m consistent right? Did I tell you I quit 30 Days of Truth? Probably not. I just stopped doing them. But I did quit. I’m very good at quitting. I quit soccer after three practices. Although in my behalf, I have no athletic ability and I literally can’t see a ball coming at my head until it hits me. I quit ballet, gymnastics and swimming, each when it got too competitive. I really don’t have a competitive bone in my body.
I’ve only quit one job. Well, quit with no notice. It was at a movie theater. I lasted one day. The smell of popcorn made me sick. I was 16 I believe. Every other job, I’ve stayed at for years. I’d like to quit the one I have now, but I’d need to find something better first. After New Years, I plan on starting looking.
The thing I regret quitting the most, is the piano. I quit piano at 13, after having played for 8 years. I had to play in front of a large, large group of people at ULCA and I didn’t want too. My teacher stated it was mandatory. So I quit. I’ve never again played since that day. My mother kept the piano for three years after that and I wouldn’t even look at it. I was pretty good too. It’s something I want to get back to some day. When that day is, I’m not sure. But I’ll get there.
So today’s questions for the class are about quitting.
1. Have you ever quit something and regretted it?
2. Have you quit something that you absolutely didn’t regret?
3. If you could quit one thing today what would it be?
4. When you quit something, do you feel guilty? Even if it’s small like a game?
5. Do you think people have quit commenting on blogs, because of Twitter?
**Random photo leftover from my trip last week. It was just a funny thing.
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