Mommy, I have a joke for you. You will laugh so hard.
Okay Noodle, give it your best shot.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
I have no idea babe.
Poke her face.
I laugh for a good five minutes. My girl, such a little comedian. I love six. Six is a great age.
Last night, she got up three times and each time turned the hall light on. Each time, I’d wait a bit and shut it back off. I wanted to be grouchy. I really did. Yet, she’s six. When she gets up and leaves her room for any reason, she gets scared and needs tons of light. Nightlights in her room and the hall aren’t enough. She won’t be this small forever. She won’t be afraid of the hallway at night forever. She won’t come in at 6am and crawl into bed with me for long. Someday she won’t want to hold my hand in public at all times, lacing her fingers in mine. A day will come when I will embarrass her. Probably a day soon.
Not yet. Today she is six. Six is lovely.
********************
Bubbie you have to slow down. Say that again. Mama can’t understand. He sighs at me. My two year old sighs at me. Something he learned from his big sisters. I am exasperating him.
He is so animated. He talks with his whole body. He speaks in complete sentences and his entire self moves. At times though, he speaks too fast. When you are missing key letters in your vocabulary, you need to slow it down a bit. Ha. He has a very large personality. We have intense conversations about everything. Cars. Toy Story. His blue cup. The moon. Why dogs can’t be ridden. Why my iPhone isn’t his, because he’s pretty sure it is. Why he “no use big boy potty yet. My big mama, but not dat big.” Why his bed at daddies house isn’t acceptable for sleeping in. “My Twain bed make me cry mama. Wah. Wah. I cry wike dat.”
He looks older and speaks as well as most three year olds, so people assume he is three. He tantrums like a not yet two and a half year old though.
I like this stage. He’s so tiring, yet so very fun. Two is entertaining.
*******************
Morgan it does. It has red in it. I remember the red.
Mother? You need new eyes. You need to go to the doctor and say, my eyes are defective, I need new ones. Please and thank you very much kind doctor. There has never been red in that couch. Promise.
I laugh and laugh. We are at Kohls attempting to use my Kohls cash before I forget I have it and find it three minutes after it expires. We came for pillows for the futon couch in the basement. I am convinced it has red in it and well, she’s convinced I’m a lunatic.
We go back and forth on it for twenty minutes in the store. She tries to convince me to buy black or light tan pillows. It has both of these colors mom. Just those. NO RED. I want the red. I’m convinced it has red. In the end, we don’t buy any because she convinces me I will be grouchy if I come home and they are wrong.
I am wrong. There is no red. Red pillows would look weird on that futon. She only gloats for a minute.
Nine years old and full of opinions. I take her shopping with me for clothes, because she always tells me the truth. She is my memory at the grocery store, remembering that we needed Lysol wipes and Kleenex, where I’d surely have forgotten.
She is funny and opinionated and makes sure her thoughts are always known. I’ve noticed lately how she is nicer though. She has started thinking before she speaks. She listens to everything I am trying to say, before working on her rebuttal. She has started taking a few deep breaths or asking to be excused to her room for a minute before she blows up at nothing. My baby is getting big.
I like nine. Nine is a great age.
*****************
A Sunday full of normal. A movie in bed in the morning. Blueberry pancakes. Errands. Lunch out. Video games. Laundry. Reading more chapters in books. Dinner at home. Nothing out of the ordinary.
It’s my favorite type of day. I’d really love another one. Today, I wish for a second Sunday.
When I hit puberty I started putting on weight. I didn’t know why. I didn’t eat anymore than I had before. By the time I was 18, I’d tried every diet in the book. I once even ate nothing but oranges, carrots and crackers, for two months straight. Some odd diet a friend came up with. The Orange Diet. Snort.
Nothing ever worked. I’d lose five pounds and gain five pounds. The same five pounds over and over and over again. I’d beat myself up. I’d belittle myself. My step-mother tormented me. She would give me books called FAT for Christmas and insist that I open them in front of everyone. I’d pretend not to care and then cry myself to sleep for the next three days.
Logan only knew me as me and he prefers big girls. He never, not a single day in our entire lives made me feel anything but beautiful.
I learned to live with who I was. I was the fat chick. The big girl. I built a wall around my insecurities about weight and learned not to care. I decided that I had to embrace it or I’d hate myself forever. I built a stone wall and locked that fucker up and threw the key into the Pacific Ocean.
I have never been a big eater. I don’t eat much fast food. I may joke about chocolate and cupcakes and cake all the time on Twitter. But I don’t eat a ton of them. Maybe more than I should…but I actually eat pretty decent. I’m not making excuses for my weight. It is what it is. I’ve ignored it since before Morgan was born.
However, last month at a regular OB visit, I let it slip that I’d not had a period in over a year. While my PAP was normal and always has been, I’ve always had this problem with not being regular, unless I was on the pill…but I’ve never been on it for long periods of time, because I get horrible leg cramps and well honestly, I like babies. Anyway, my OB had like 22 pints of blood drawn from me and tested me for everything under the sun. She was the first one to ever offer this and I’ve gone in every year or every other year since I was 16 years old. The two biggies that she was sure I had one of, were PCOS or a thyroid problem. Funny how after being told to lose weight at every single doctor visit in the past 15 years, even for broken thumbs (BECAUSE OF COURSE I BROKE MY THUMB FROM BEING TOO FAT) no one had EVER bothered to check for either of those things.
Most of my tests came back in a day. Not a thyroid problem, nor any of the other 15 things she checked for. So I sat and waited and waited and waited. Yesterday, I got conformation for what I, in the past three weeks had already come to realize, I have PCOS. Basically my ovaries are lazy mother fuckers. Oh and my body produces too much testosterone and not enough estrogen.
I’m guaranteed I’ve had it since I was a teen. Some of the symptoms? Acne that never goes away. Hair. Lots of hair. Hi, I’m an Issa Chi Pet. Oily skin. Lack of periods. Cysts on your ovaries. Gaining weigh around your stomach, because of something to do with your body not metabolizing correctly. If you don’t eat small amounts of food throughout the day for some reason, your body starts to think it is starving so it starts to store fat. Fun huh?
It can cause miscarriages. Of which, I’ve had two. My OB thinks the fact that I had kids at all, was because of being on and off the pill before their conception. Which is true. Generally they find it when women have trouble having babies. Since I’ve had a few, no one ever thought of it.
If left untreated it can cause diabetics, thyroid problems, high cholesterol, heart disease. The list goes on. I’m lucky that at the present time, I have none of those problems.
I’ve been put on medication that should help. Medication that I apparently get to take three times a day, forever. I need to learn to eat smaller meals. To actually eat breakfast, something that I hadn’t done in oh forever. Three weeks of eating yogurt and granola every day and I already feel better. Silly small thing, but it has made a difference. I need to cut out some other stuff and eat more veggies.
I also need to learn to exercise. Like last week. To take control of this, before it takes control of me. I’m taking the plunge…I’m going to start the 30 day shred next week. Although, in all reality it may be the 60 day shred. I have to do it though. I have to do something. I have to learn to change.
Yesterday, that brick wall, the one I built years ago, was run into. Boom. Bye bye wall of protection. All those issues and insecurities that I’d put aside 10 years ago have come swimming to the front. It’s in my face, along with my new reality of a life long health problem.
I’ve cried so much today, it’s not even funny. Just from being overwhelmed by how big this seems. It seems HUGE right now. I hate that I ignored something that could have been taken care of years ago. I hate that no doctor ever asked me about my issues. They just told me to lose weight, never bother to ask if I could. I hate the fact that I’ve probably had two miscarriages for something that is completely treatable. On this medication, I’m going to be super fertile. Great timing huh?
I’m overwhelmed and honestly, I’m just scared.
I’m so lucky that I have friends who are holding my hand right now. An amazing friend who knows exactly what I’m dealing with and has patiently listened to every question I could throw at her for weeks. Friends who don’t know but have Googled PCOS to find out what I’m dealing with. Friends who are willing to do the 30 day Shred with me, just so I am not alone in this.
I’m grateful to them. I’m grateful that at least now I know what I’m dealing with. That it was caught before I ended up with too many health problems. That I have time to deal with it. To learn to change.
But I’m still a scared emotional mess who just found out I have a life long medical issue. I don’t know where to go with this. What to do to move past the fear and the hatred of myself in the moment. I have no answers. Only questions.
Having kids is a lot of work. We all know that. A lot of times, I have things I’d like to complain about, however I feel like I shouldn’t complain, because I only have mine half the time. I’ve been told as much by people. Oh I’d love some time off, my cousins say. You should enjoy the break.
Yeah. It’s not that simple. We all want a break. You, me, everyone. We deserve breaks. But this is different. I still should be allowed to complain at times. They don’t want to hear it. So I stay silent. I listen to them complain about every day life. I know I used to be allowed to complain. Why am I not now? Why are my words not as important now? I didn’t choose this. I didn’t decided to leave myself. I didn’t ask to only have my kids 50% of the time. I liked my life the way it was.
I still feel like I should be allowed to say what I want. I’m going to start here. Maybe then, I’ll learn to say it out loud to others. Here has always been a safe place for me. Lately though, I’ve stumbled on finding words. I’ve hesitated when I wanted to speak for a long time. Maybe because I’m afraid that none of you think I should be allowed to complain either. It’s made me resort to doing meme’s non-stop. Which I’m sure are boring as hell to read.
*deep breath*
Being divorced with kids is hard. Being alone when they are gone is hard. It being one against three when they are here is hard.
Things get ignored. I don’t bake for the school events. I buy stuff. In fact a lot of the time I don’t bother signing up. I haven’t volunteered in my girls classes a single day this school year. I won’t be able to either.
Some days I yell about really stupid things. Things like people stalling on bedtimes. Stupid things like finding out that Disney shows were recorded instead of something I wanted to watch. Things like getting in the car in the morning and realizing that someone forgot to brush their teeth. I get impatient, because I feel like I’m constantly behind.
I despise the endless birthday parties because it takes away from my time. However, my daughters are very social and way too dam popular, so there are always parties to go to.
I took the girls out of dance and gymnastics until tax season is over, because my work is so crazy that I just can’t handle one more thing to remember.
My house is never really clean. I don’t remember the last time I dusted. I clean bathrooms only when looking at them starts to gross me out. I can’t keep up with the dog hair and the toys. laundry is rarely ever put away. I have stacks of art projects that I need to go through and toss 90% of. There are still 9mo baby clothes in Harrison’s closet. He’s wearing 2T. In a few months, when I can finish paying off credit, I will hire a house cleaner, even though I’m at home all the time. I am working when I’m home. I can’t do both during the day.
I rarely take photos of my kids. As keeps being reminded to me by the misc grandparents. Here’s the thing though. It’s not worth the fight for professional ones. They always come out shitty, they are way too expensive and honestly I don’t have the time. Cell phone photos are just going to have to cut it right now.
I can’t (nor can my ex) afford to take a week off during spring break. In fact at this moment neither of us can afford to take off any of the multitude of days our children have off of school. Thankfully his parents asked to keep them that week. It sucks though. We can’t afford to take our kids on vacations. I hate that. I am grateful to my mother and his parents. So very grateful that they adore our kids and do amazing trips with them. But as their mother? It hurts that I can’t. That the best I can do is a weekend getaway into the mountains, or a trip to a relatives house for Thanksgiving.
People I’m not even allowed to take a sick day until after April 15th.
I’ve gotten better at cooking, but we still mostly live on grilled cheese, cereal and Chipotle. Work right now is insane and at the end of the day? I just don’t have it in me to do better than this.
I still miss Logan. Some days more than others. I’ve just learned to be quieter about it. Its not so fresh anymore. I manage just fine without him (except for that Blu Ray surround system he graciously set up for me last weekend). I do fine without him. But I miss him. I miss us. And it still some days hurts as much as it did the day he left.
I’m still broken hearted me.
Those of you you are single parents understand this. Heck, even those of you who aren’t probably get it too. I know my best friends do. Parenting is hard. It’s hard in the best of situations. Parenting three kids is hard. Some nights when they aren’t with me, I miss them so much that I cry. Some night when they are with me? I still wish for a break. I wish for help with dinner and dishes. Homework and baths. I wish for someone to help me when I’m sick, or when they are sick. I wish for days when it wasn’t one against three.
I wish that when I needed parenting advice I could ask their father (which technically I can, I just don’t often, because talking to him still hurts a lot of the time), instead of asking my best friends. I could not thank my best friends enough for always answering my parenting questions. For always listening to me. They are amazing. Yet, I feel sometimes (often) like I’m pestering them. They all have families and work too. Just as crazy of lives as I do. Yet they always listen anyway.
Some days I feel like I’m floundering. A lot of days I feel like I’m barely treading water.
I feel like my words should be just as important as someone else’s. I feel like I am allowed to say, this is hard. I feel like I should be able to complain like other people do. Without judgment. Without being told, my words aren’t as important, because I get breaks.
I’m tired and sometimes I just want to complain too.
I’m stealing this from Carmen, who stole it from Adam.
I’ll be perfectly honest, I have nothing to say right now. I’ll find it eventually. I always do. Until then? Well this is the best I can do.
1. Do you have any scars? If so, pick one and explain how you got it.
I have a half inch scar on the palm of my hand. When I was seven, we were at Disneyland and I set my hand down on the seat of Pirates of the Caribbean and ended up cut on glass. Most likely it was something off someones foot. I’ll tell you, end up bleeding a ton on a Disney ride as a child and people are really nice to you for the rest of the day.
2. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
A few blown up photos that a blog friend sent me a few years ago. A blown glass plate that my mom got for me in Italy a year or so ago. I think that is it. There are two huge blank spaces from pictures that Logan took.
3. Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
I clench my jaw, but that’s about it.
4. What type of music do you listen to?
Um new county, some pop, older rock and R&B. My music collection would probably crack you up. None of it makes sense. I tend to download single songs, so I can have literally anyone on my iTunes.
5. What time were you born?
2:28pm. Which I only know because my mom was always saying, you aren’t really this age until this exact time.
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Sleep for a week on an island with cabana boys and cupcakes.
7. What do you miss?
Being married. Logan. My kids when they are with him.
8. What is/are your most prized possession(s)?
The photo books I’ve made of my kids throughout their lives. The only photo of my great-grandma as a young woman. My iPhone.
9. How tall are you?
I’m 5’4″ and 1/2.
10. Do you get claustrophobic?
At times, not always though.
11. Do you get scared in the dark?
No. Well at times I have nightmares. However I’ve always loved the dark. My nightmares have nothing to do with the dark.
12. Who was the last person to make you cry?
My dad.
13. What’s your worst fear?
Not getting to have another baby. Also leaving mine too soon.
14. What kind of hair/eye color do you like on people who you’re attracted to?
Never been one to care that much.
15. Where can you see yourself proposing?
I don’t know that I ever will believe in marriage again.
16. Do you like coffee or energy drinks?
COFFEE!
17. What is your favorite pizza topping?
I like mine really boring. Tomatoes and cheese is all I need.
18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
A spicy tuna roll. And then a slice of Princess Cake.
19. What is your favorite color?
Orange
20. Have you ever eaten a goldfish?
WTF?
21. What was the first meaningful gift you’ve ever received?
No clue. I don’t tend to remember that stuff.
22. Do you have a crush?
Does Ryan Reynolds count?
23. Are you double jointed?
Nopes.
24. What is your favorite clothing brand?
Meh. I honestly don’t care.
25. Who is your favorite female/male celebrity?
In the moment I’ll go with Ryan Reynolds.
26. Do you have a pet right now?
Unfortunately yes.
27. What kind is it?
A dog. An Australian Shepard that is Logan’s. He’s living where he can’t have her though. So I get to keep the dog that I never wanted.
28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
Sigh. I’m not sure I’m in the place right now where I can answer this one.
32. What is your favorite quote?
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin
33. What is your favorite place?
Santa Monica.
Hi. I’m working. Even though my kids are off, I’m working. I work for a company (or a boss I should say) who doesn’t really believe in holidays. Or families for that matter. Oh well. So I’m here working and my kids are here destroying my house.
Moving on.
-I am addicted to House Hunters International. I love it. I adore seeing what houses look like in different countries. They always show couples three houses and generally speaking, I can guess which one they will choose. My favorite part is seeing what the couple does to the house in the end. You can tell a lot about people by how they decorate their house. Yesterday I saw an episode that pissed me off to no end. A couple bought a house in Italy. It wasn’t that part that pissed me off. It’s that they didn’t show it done at the end. It was a major fixed upper and they never showed it done. I can’t handle this. What kinda crap is that? I don’t want to imagine it done. I want to see it done. Like I said. I’m addicted.
-In the past few months, my DVD player has been having…um emotional problems? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s one of those things that we can’t really go without. I’ve known I needed to do something about it soon, however since it’s attached to a surround system, I’d been a bit hesitant. That is a definite want, not a need. However, I heard that Ultimate Electronics was going out of business and I went to go check it out. I purchased a Blu-Ray player with a surround system. It’s lovely. I mean, I had to ask my ex husband to come hook it up. But I adore it. I can not believe the difference and that’s even with just DVDs. So this month? Budget is teetering on the edge. However? I did pay cash for my new toy, so it’s all good. Have you gone Blu-Ray yet?
In September I decided I needed to learn to live like I only had one income coming in. Because hi, I do. It was way past the time where I could spend money like I did in my corporate work in LA days. (Sigh. Those were lovely days.) I was using credit cards (for items like gas and food) by the end of every month, because I couldn’t control what I was spending. I didn’t even know what I was spending really. I never bothered to pay attention. I just pulled out my Debit card and paid for it. It was becoming a problem. No it was a problem.
In September I went on a Cash only plan. I decided that after I paid my bills (daycare/mortgage/after care/misc. insurances) that I’d take out a chunk of money and it had to last me until I got paid. It was for everything. Groceries. Target. Dinners out. Coffee. Clothes. Whatever. All cash. The theory was I’d think about it more before I spent it. I also decided that I needed to learn to not eat out as much.
The first month was dicey. Harrison’s birthday. A few kids activities needed to be paid for. The dog needed to go to the vet. All but the vet bill, I did pay with cash. I was dead broke by the end of the month. Yet…I hadn’t used credit for anything except that vet bill.
By the second month, I started getting a bit better about eating in. Not that our meals in are so glamorous, but we ate in. At first, I only managed it an extra time a week. Slowly I’ve built it up though.
I saved for Christmas. I didn’t do much for the kids, although they were completely spoiled by everyone else. Everything I did, I paid cash.
Each month, I’ve saved a bit more and more. At the end of the month, whatever I have left over from my cash fund, goes into savings. I’m saving for vacations. I’ve dwindled our eating out to less than once a week. On occasion I will get something out, however I try to do it on a night when I don’t have the kids. Also, it’s generally Chipotle or something cheap. I stopped eating out for lunch, except one, sometimes two days a week. PBJ FTW!!!
It’s a process. I’m a work in progress. I had to learn to think before I spent money. I have learned to do this most of the time. I think before I say yes to my kids when they want something. I think before I buy anything extra, is this a need or a want. Not to say that I never buy the wants. I do. However, I know how much cash I have left at all times. I can afford the occasional want. I just have to stop and think about it first.
I am careful with my food budget. I only buy the things we actually eat and I’ve started using my Costco account for boring things like a six pack of chicken breasts when they are on sale. My kids get tired of chicken, but whatever. Heck, I’m even learning to cook.
A few months ago when I had a job scare, I freaked out. If I’d been fired then, I’d of been okay for two months. Then I’d of been screwed. I’d of ended up taking money out of my 401k. It scared me. I never want to feel like that again. I am lucky. My job is now secure. I even got a small raise. However when that happened, I decided I needed to take my budgeting to the next level.
I looked at everything. I went over every little thing I buy. I am cutting back on a few minor things. However, I knew something that had to go. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to do it. I decided I had to take the plunge. That the money would just add to my savings and that is my goal.
Three weeks ago? I stopped going to Starbucks. I haven’t been inside a real Starbucks in three weeks. (I did get an iced tea last Sunday at the Target one. That doesn’t count.) Those of you who know me, know how big of a deal this is. I adore Starbucks. I am still drinking their coffee. I just make it myself at home each day.
Like I said, I’ve taken it to the next level. I am now in control of my budget. I’m paying off credit. I’m saving money every month. Somehow in the last two months, I’ve really started to feel like I can do this. I am doing this. Who knew?
I completely stole this one from Avitable. I figure as long as I link to him, it’s probably okay right? Right. I was going to do this last week and didn’t and now…well I’d just like to move a post down a bit.
The reality is that doing a meme is about the most brain cells I have available in this moment.
Favorite Movie – This is a hard one for me. It changes all the time. I probably have a few at the same time. Favorite movie of all time? Mary Poppins. Current favorite movie? The Holiday.
Least Favorite Movie – Anything ever made that had Ben Stiller in it. Yes. EVERYTHING.
Favorite Comedy – 13 Going on 30. It’s silly, but I adore it.
Favorite Adventure – Harry Potter. Yep. All of them.
Favorite Horror – Well let’s see…the last one I saw was Ghost Ship, so I’ll go with that.
Favorite Suspense/Thriller – Unbreakable is the only one I can think of. Maybe Angels and Demons? The most suspense I watch right now is Castle on TV which I doubt counts.
Favorite Animated Movie – The Incredibles
Favorite Guilty Pleasure – Valentine’s Day
A Movie You Never Expected To Love – Transformers. What can I say? I like bad super hero movies.
Biggest Let-Down – My Sister’s Keeper.
First Movie You Saw In Theaters – I actually think it was a My Little Pony movie. The next one was either Willow or BeetleJuice. I forget.
The Last Movie You Saw In Theaters – The latest Narnia movie. I think.
Favorite Documentary – I tend to like History ones. You know, Finding Atlantis type stuff. However, I couldn’t come up with a name on any, if my life depended on it.
Favorite Satire – The Breakfast Club.
A Movie With Your Favorite Actor – Independence Day
Favorite Movie Based On A Book – Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Favorite Movie With An Actor You Hate – Iron Man. I adore Robert Downey Jr. However, I despise Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s probably the only movie I’ll watch that has her in it.
Movie You Can Watch On Loop – Ocean’s Eleven. Really though? I have a toddler. I can deal with anything. We’ve seen Cars so many times, I know all of the words. Toy Story as well. My six year old is still obsessed with Transformers years later. We probably see it once a week.
Favorite Movie Based On A Historical Event – Saving Private Ryan.
Favorite Movie Based On A Historical Figure – Schindler’s List.
Favorite Musical – The only one I like is Mary Poppins. If that’s not a musical…then um Sound of Music I suppose.
Favorite Black and White Movie – Young Frankenstein
Cheesiest Horror Movie – Yeah, I don’t watch them. Sorry.
Favorite Oscar-Winning Movie – Mary Poppins
Favorite Re-Make – Ocean’s Eleven.
Favorite Sequel – Ocean’s Thirteen
That’s what I’ve been telling myself for a week. It’s just a silly Hallmark holiday. It means nothing. You never even liked it before. Why do you care now?
I’m not sure that I have an answer to that question. I know that today, I do care. I care because I’m alone. I care because I’m still in love with a man who stopped loving me years ago. I care because I won’t get a card. Or flowers. Or chocolates.
I know that’s lame. I do. It’s just a silly Hallmark holiday. I can buy myself chocolates and flowers if I want them. It’s more than that though.
It’s a day of love. A day of love and I only have a messed up, one sided love. A love that I can’t let go of, no matter how hard I try. A once in a lifetime love. A love that shattered my heart possibly for good. There is a huge part of me that believes I had my chance. That he was it and I screwed it up.
It’s not really the tokens of love. The flowers that will die in this climate in three days. The chocolates that I don’t need.
It’s that it’s hard to see love everywhere today and know that you used to have it. Instead of a day of love and happiness, it’s a day of sadness and regrets. At least for me.
Just a silly Hallmark holiday. Well maybe one day I’ll believe that.
Wednesday. Harrison slipped on the ice.
Backwards on his head. Almost hit.
Morgan caught him, right before contact.
He still freaked, as did I.
Seconds away from who knows what?
What if’s, swim around my head.
*******
I wake up before my alarm.
Seconds later, I hear him. MAMA!!!
Silly boy, wakes with the sun.
Full of smiles. Fresh start daily.
*******
Photo on the wall. Two months.
Seems like another life time ago.
Maybe I blinked too many times?
Too many seconds passed by?
No idea really. Time moves on.
Jumps. Talks. Runs. Skateboards. Skis. Whines.
To his daycare teacher last night:
“Bye, hab a weal gweat evenin.”
Big old two year old now.
Newborn months, just my sacred memories.
I miss little tiny newborn him.
I cherish two year old him.
Both. I can surly do both.
*******
This post is brought to you by my absolute joy and love of my son…and Six Word Fridays.
Mama, if you could have one wish, what would it be for? She gave me pause in that moment. Oh my sweet Bailey, stalling at bedtime. Hmm, let me think, I said. I guess I wish that I live to be a really old lady one day. Yes, a little old wrinkled lady who gets to rock great grand babies to sleep.
That’s silly mama. Who’d wish to be old?
She doesn’t get it. That’s okay. Six year olds don’t need to get it. Six year olds should wish for unicorns. They should wish for money trees and ice cream makers for their bedrooms. An invisible, brother can’t cross into my bedroom line. I did when I was six.
My greatest wish is to watch my kids grow up. Then to watch my grand-kids grow up. Might not be exciting, but there it is.
However, as I fell asleep last night, I started thinking of more wishes. Things I’d wish for if given an unlimited amount of wishes.
I’d wish….
That chocolate was as helpful and healing as it is in Harry Potter.
That my best friends lived on my block.
That I had an iTeleporter.
That I could make my friends pain go away with a cupcake and a hug.
For one more baby.
To have a book published.
To not have to worry about money. I don’t need to be able to swim in my money like Scrooge McDuck, but I’d like to not think about it all the time.
To travel the world with my kids.
For a house elf. Or a housekeeper. I mean, I can be realistic here.
Mostly? Right now? I wish to live in a place where it doesn’t snow. (Because I *may* have cried the whole time I cleared my driveway this morning.)
If you had unlimited wishes what would you wish for?
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