Please note that I stole this idea from Jodifur. Hey, at least I ask before I steal post ideas.
It’s come to my attention that the remainder of this year is going to be COMPLETELY INSANE, so I believe it’s time to post and call an end to my posting for 2011. I promise I’ll be back in January. Hopefully with some changes around here. Anyway, before I show you my favorite posts of this year, I thought I’d wish you all a wonderful holiday. Whether that is Chanukah, Christmas, Winter Solstice, Kwansa or just New Years, I hope you enjoy it. Whatever you celebrate, I wish you health and happiness for the remainder of this year.
In January, I made a goal to remember the good in this year. To count my blessings and try not to be such a pessimist. It’s a goal, I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to accomplish over time.
In February, I found out that I have PCOS. It’s changed my life in many ways and I’ll be honest, it’s not all bad. It’s nice to know that certain medical things in my past had reasons. It’s made me less hard on myself. I also love this post about enjoying the small things in my kids lives. Days go so fast and some days, I do wish for a second Sunday.
While writing this post on my step-mom was hard in March, it also led me back to therapy to deal with a few things that I thought I’d let go of. It’s nice to say now, that I have let go of a few issues. It’s helped make this a better year for me. I’ll never forget things that happened when I was a kid, however I don’t have to let it color my world any longer.
April brought my 500th post, which I chose to write for my best friend Liz. I love her even more now than I did then, so I’m glad I gave her that milestone post. April also came with big decisions about the brother I’ll probably never know. I am confident in my decision. Finally, there was the list I made to insure the kids and I had a great summer. I am thrilled to say, I managed to accomplish my goals.
In May, I head great news about Morgan’s future in fifth grade. I have to say, she’s had a phenomenal school year. Her teacher is amazing. We owe her so much. Luckily, because my kids go to a charter school, Morgan will have her next year as well! I also told you all about my lunch date with my dad.
Parenting isn’t always easy, as I realized yet again in June. Making the hard choices is something I am willing to do though. A part of June, I’d rather forget but never will is when the evil clown ate my blog. I’m still thankful to Jenna for fixing it. Also in a funnier post, I shared some text messages I get. Even now, they crack me up.
In July, I got off my anti-depressants after four years. There have been times when I wondered if I could stay off of them. But we’re halfway through December and I can honestly say, I’m doing great right now. On the 18th, my Bailey turned seven. She is one of my very favorite people in this world.
On a random day in August, I wrote about my step-dad for no real reason. Just because I love him. I also went to BH11 and my BFF trip. It was one of the greatest weeks in my year.
September was a harder month for me. I’d rather not re-visit it, except for this one tiny thing. My baby boy turned three. He’s so very three and I adore him for it. Most of the time.
In October I celebrated making it through the first year of divorce. A strange thing to celebrate, yes maybe. However, in my quest to change how I think, I had to look at the bad, to remember the good.
In November, I did quite a few things that scare me. It was a hard month emotionally, but luckily I came out okay on the other side.
December has been very busy. I’m loving ever second of it. For the first time in a long time, I’m truly happy. My baby girl turned ten and had an amazing party. I’m looking forward to everything that we have planned for the next two weeks.
My wish for all of you is a wonderful next few weeks. I’ll see you in 2012.
Love, Issa
I’m starting to get that Christmas panic. The one where you look at a calendar and suddenly realize that Christmas is less than two weeks away. Then you remember that holy shit, your kids don’t have school next week and they are with you all week long. Which I realize is my issue, not yours, since most of you don’t share 50/50 custody. However, except for Tuesday and Thursday nights this week? My kids are with me from now till Christmas Eve, when they’ll go with their dad through New Years. Isn’t divorce entertaining?
I’m not even complaining about the kid schedule. Really, it’s all cool. I’ve always loved Christmas Eve best, because that’s when we celebrated with my mom as a kid. So it works. I get to spend most of next week doing fun things with them. I don’t have to worry about buying pretty outfits that no one really wants to wear or numerous nice meals. I get to give gifts and let them open them at night and not after a 4am wake up call. Ahem Bailey in previous years. Then I get to hang out with my mom and step-dad for a few days and go back to work. He has the fly on Christmas Eve (and New Years Day) with three kids, multiple family events, please PUT ON THE TIGHTS ALREADY fight and has to do the Santa thing. I kinda won. ha.
Mostly? It’s the other things that are making me panic. The fact that work has gotten INSANE this month. The fact that I’ll have to work two days next week and have only managed to find one of my children places to go one of those days. The fact that I am so tired after working all day that I can’t manage to do anything during the week. Truly. Last week? I ate Cheeze-Its for dinner one night and ice cream for another, just because it was easy and involved no dishes.
I haven’t baked a thing. I have barely considered the fact that I have four boxes that need to be mailed. While I did go nuts and do all of my remaining Christmas shopping on Saturday, I haven’t wrapped a thing. In fact, I haven’t even looked to see if I have wrapping paper.
We have four playdate/events scheduled. One for next weekend, three for the part of the week that I am off for. Each of these things thrills me, it really does. But OMFG how am I supposed to get anything done?
I need to take a few deep breaths. This I know. My mom will be here from Wednesday on next week and I know she’ll help me wrap at night if need be. I also probably need to lower my expectations for baking and getting things done around here. I mailed cards for the first time in three years. My tree is up and it’s beautiful. I will find time to wrap. Somewhere. Maybe this is the year of cut and bake sugar cookies. The year of mostly bags instead of wrapped gifts. Who knows?
What I do know is that I’m not alone in this panicky feeling, right?
When I called you at daddy’s this morning, I said to you the same thing I’ve said every year since you were three. First, I wished you a happy birthday and told you how much I love you. Then I reminded you that you were born at 10:43pm, so technically you are still nine years old until then. I swear to you, I heard the eye roll over the phone. Oh mommy, you said, one day you will have to move past that. Bwahahahaha. It’s something I say to you and your siblings at times and it’s hysterically funny to have it used against me. The next thing you said to me was, we’re still having ribs tonight right? Yes child, yes. Ribs is what you want and ribs you shall have.
Today, my love, you are ten. Ten years old. Double digits. I’m not sure how this happened exactly. It seems like just yesterday when you were born. My very tiny, perfect baby girl. You had angel kisses on your eyelids. I’ll never forget them, even though they went away when you were two months old. I didn’t realize then how much you’d change my world. But oh you did. It was for the better. I’ve never, not even for a moment, regretted having you when I did even though I was young. Young isn’t always a bad thing. Although I’d appreciate it, if you’d wait a bit longer than I did.
You had huge eyes that looked at my very soul. They still do actually. You have this ability to look at me and find the truth. I think it’s why I never lie to you. Not even about the small things anymore. We have a pact, you and I. I tell you the truth and you don’t ask questions unless you want the real answer. So far, it’s worked out for us. I hope this is something that never changes. I hope you’ll always remember that you can talk to me about everything.
Nine was a very good year for you. You made a new best friend, one who is very easy to get along with. The two of you are pretty inseparable. You changed dance classes, from the rec center to a real studio. You live to dance. Last winter you learned to snowboard and you can’t wait for this weekend, because it will be the first time this year to go up to the mountain with daddy. You ski black diamonds with him, which terrifies me. Yet you have no fear. He promises me, that you are actually a better skier than him and I have nothing to fear. School has been phenomenal this year, as your teacher is JUST LIKE YOU, so she fully understands how you operate. I’m so thankful that you’ll have her next year too. YAY hippy charter school!
You read books like they are going out of style, which is something I always hoped for when you were very small. Watching you sit and read gives me more joy than almost anything. Tonight you will get a Kindle, something that you’ve asked for, for months and months. I know you’ll be ecstatic, especially since you believe the Just Dance 3 game and your sleepover last weekend were your gifts. Ha. I’m sneaky like that. Truth is, I’m ecstatic too. I want MY KINDLE back.
Ten is so big baby girl. I know that this will be a big important year in your life. I remember being ten. Man how I loved being ten. I hope you love it as well. This year you get your wish. Daddy and I agreed to send you to sleep away camp next summer. You couldn’t be happier. I’ll work on getting there. I promise. What can I say? Your mama is a worrier. I will do everything in my power to make this a phenomenal year. For all of us.
You made me who I am today. You paved the way to make life easier on your siblings. I am forever thankful for you.
Happy 10th birthday Morgan. Mommy loves you to the moon and back.
to those of you who have been reading me for years. But I’m going to say it anyway.
I’m really happy right now.
Truly happy and it’s nice. I don’t know that I’m used to it. Although this year has been so much better. I’ve been happier more this year than in the past four years. Right now though? I’m very happy.
My life isn’t perfect. There are definite changes on the horizon for next year. Some may be more challenging than others. My money situation needs some work. My house could use some definite work. But you know, none of that seems to be dragging me down.
People? The snow makes me happy. The SNOW. In WINTER. It’s currently 9 degrees and I’m okay with it. I don’t know what it is.
Maybe it’s December. Christmas. My baby girl turning 10 this week. The fact that her sleepover on Saturday was a huge success. My kids being happy and fun. The absolutely beautiful fat Christmas tree we put up last night. The smell alone makes me happy.
Possibly the amount of chocolate in this house helps. Maybe the cookies a lovely friend sent me the other day helped. Knowing that I got my shit together after three years and sent out Christmas cards with PHOTOS of my kids helps.
Whatever it is? I’m loving it. I’m going to love it for as long as it lasts.
Snow in December, I like it.
Come March, I make no promises.
November was a very hard month.
December seems great, as of now.
Christmas cards done. Photos this time.
Been three years since that happened.
Two years, New Years, Logan left.
Seems like a lifetime ago. Mostly.
My baby girl will be ten.
Not sure how she managed that.
Just yesterday she was a newborn.
I guess time passes quicker now.
This blog, my love. Even now.
Not sure where it’s going anymore.
Maybe I don’t need to know.
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