Tag Archive: asking the internets

Will you help me out? I mean it is delurking day after all.

Written on January 14, 2010
72 Opinions - Talk to me

I never used to be a crier. I mean I did cry. On occasion. Normally when I finally did, I’d cry for hours, because it was 8 months worth of bottled up tears.  That’s just the way I was. Not so much anymore. Now? I cry a lot.

I’m emotional. I’m depressed. My life has crumbled and I’m trying to pick up the pieces. I’m doing okay despite it. However, I cry at everything right now. Yes, I have good reason too cry. Yes, it is helpful. In fact, some days I’m convinced it’s actually making me feel better. But I cry at EVERYTHING right now. It’s kinda my thing. I’m a crier.

I’d really like to find a new thing. My eyes hurt. All the dam time. It’s tiring to cry all day.

So this is where I ask for your help. See, I have this problem….I listen to the same three songs all day long. Yes, I do mean ALL DAY LONG. Ahem. I told you, I have a problem.

I’ll give you a little sample of the songs and lyrics and you’ll be able to tell why I need new songs.

No this ain’t how it was suppose to be, If you’re out chasin’ all your dreams, Tell me where does that leave me….What about the promise that you made, To stay with me till your dying day, Said you’d never go away, Are they just things that people say…Could I have loved a little deeper, Or did I hold on too strong. – Things People Say by Lady Antebellum

I know there are no guarantees, In love you take your chances, But somehow it seems unfair to me, Look at the circumstances,Through sickness and health, ’till death do us part, Those were the words that we said from our heart, So now that you say that you’re leaving me, I don’t get that part….Well I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna shed no tears, No, I’m not gonna cry, it’s not the time. Not gonna cry by Mary J. Blige

(Even funnier is that half of those lyrics are I’m not gonna cry and I still do, every dam time.)

What about now? What about today? What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love had never went away? What if it’s lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it’s too late, What about now?  – What About Now by Daughtry

Yeah, see, hai. Issa NEEDS NEW SONGS. Badly.

Today is National Delurking Day. I understand some of you will still lurk. I love lurkers. My best friend is a lurker. Sadly, right now, I am kind of a lurker as well. But for those of you willing to help me out, I’d really appreciate it. I though maybe if I asked for something specific, it may be a little easier to delurk. It’s a thought at least.

What I need is this:

1. A song that makes you cry, because I’m not done crying yet. I wish I was, but I know I’m not. Not yet. One day. Maybe even soon-ish, but not yet.

2. A song that makes you happy, because I’d like to make a happy song playlist for times when I really need to STOP all the dang crying for a bit.

3. Your current favorite song. Just because I’m curious.

That’s it. If you are willing, I’d love the help. If not? That’s okay too. I still love you for reading here.

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The ever popular: ask Issa

Written on December 3, 2009
11 Opinions - Talk to me

Okay, maybe it’s not popular. But it could be one day. Really.

This month is going to be a bit insane for me. We are going to a wedding on Saturday. I really need to finish my Christmas shopping on Sunday. Morgan turns eight on Monday. Her birthday party is the following Saturday. At some point we need to get a tree and finish decorating the house. I have Christmas cards that don’t seem to be writing themselves.

Oh and did I mention that I’m having people at my house from the 16th on? People who will want things. Like clean towels and bathrooms not growing things. Maybe food too. I am hosing Christmas for oh eighteen people. That is the current count at least. This is going to be a crazy month.

Today on Twitter I asked if anyone had any random things I could talk about. Because I doubt you all want to hear my running list of things I need to get done in the next 13 days. I loved the answers and plan on writing about some of that stuff soon.

What I thought I’d do is this: Ask me anything. Any random question, anything you are pondering, what you should get me someone for Christmas, anything you want to know about me. I promise to answer it all. I can’t promise how accurate the answers will be. But it could be entertaining. Think of me as a very talkative imaginative wordy Magic Eight Ball. Give it your best shot.

Question line is now open. Answers will most likely be given next week in a post or two, depending how many of you play along. Monday, I will have a post for my baby girl (dude, who let her get to be eight years old?), but after that, I promise to answer.

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Help a girl out, will ya?

Written on September 1, 2009
14 Opinions - Talk to me

We put Netflix on hold about 9 months ago. Every 90 days or so, I’d get an email and it would ask me if I wanted to remain on hold. Somehow I forgot it this last go around. I don’t check the email it goes to very often. Note to self: START DOING THIS.

Anyway, we were charged today and now have three movies that I’ve never heard of coming our way. Which is all well and good. However, I’m at a loss with movies right now. I am sure there are tons that we never saw or ones that we saw in the theater and never thought of again, that I’d enjoy.

This is where you come in. Without you, I will aquiest to my daughters and in seconds my Queue will be filled with Hannah Jonas goes to jail for trying to be too much like Brittany movies.

What have you seen lately that you loved? What have you not seen that you thought looked good by the previews? What is your favorite movie of all time? What is your favorite TV show that is on DVD? I realized today, there are tons that people adore that I’ve never seen a single episode of.

Hook a girl up, will ya? It’ll be cold here very soon, so I’ll likely leave Netflix on until Spring.

ps. No scary flicks please. I mean, you can mention them, but I won’t watch them. Am big wuss.

pps. Yes, I know, two lame posts this week. Promise I have something real soon. Once I get over the plague and can get it out of my head.

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The day of FAIL

Written on August 27, 2009
30 Opinions - Talk to me

Yesterday was a big day o’ Fail. Can I just name it that for the rest of time? August 26th, 2009 can now officially be, the day of fail. Let me start at the beginning and you all can decide if I can claim this.

-Tuesday night, well really Wednesday morning, I sleep from midnight until about 1:30am when the baby started screaming. After finally getting Harrison back to sleep at 2:00am, I fell asleep about 3:15am and managed to sleep until 4:30am when he woke up again. At the time I thought he must be teething. He had a low grade fever and was generally just a big ole mess. I finally got him back to sleep, but then I couldn’t sleep and laid awake looking a the ceiling until Logan’s alarm went off at 6:30am. (We really need to paint our ceiling.)

-After taking the girls to school, where I ended up yelling at them both for things that most days I would have ignored, I went to Starbucks to get my coffee. Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong coffee cup. Got home before I took a sip of it (What? It’s a weird thing of mine. That first sip of coffee is the best.) and realized it was some nasty vanilla and raspberry flavored caramel machiato  or something. I have no idea what it was really, but it’s not coffee. I did the only thing a coffee addicted woman could do. I strapped my crying son back in his car seat and drove back to Starbucks for a new coffee.

-I pulled out a dining room chair, to sit down and pay some bills, only to completely smash it down on my foot. The bruise is killer and I swear to you, I must have bruised the bone.

-I called my mom to ask her what time her flight came in on Thursday, the day before Labor Day, so I could make sure I had someone to pick up the girls from school that day. She was all confused. Turns out, I had my holiday days confused. Labor Day is a Monday holiday, not a Friday holiday. So instead of my husband and I getting a much needed two day vacation, while both of our mother’s keep our kids at our house, we will be hanging out at home with our kids and both of our mother’s. I had completely booked the wrong two days away. It being a…you know, holiday weekend, now there is not place nice to stay. We’ll still have a fun weekend and maybe even get a date night, but still, we needed that time away together.

-Last but certainly not least is my sick baby boy. About four yesterday afternoon I realized that Harrison wasn’t getting any better. In fact he was getting worse. He was lethargic, grouchy and basically a crying sad little smooshy heap on my lap. When I took his temperature, I found that is was 102. I did what any good mom does, I asked the advice of the lovely Twitter peeps. My question was should I take him to Urgent care. The answers were amazing. I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter these days. However I appreciate everyone who answered me last night. You guys were awesome. I hadn’t even considered alternating Tylenol and Motrin. It’s funny how a four year gap in between my last two kids, has made me forget some things. Although, honestly I’m not sure I ever knew that one. Morgan can’t tolerate Tylenol. It’s like giving her speed or something. Makes her jump out of her skin. Bailey can’t tolerate Motrin. I was thinking that Tylenol just wasn’t working on him. But I think it does, I just think it wasn’t capable of making him magically better last night. Ha. (Thank you big time to my friendly Internet Pediatrician for the helpful fever advice. Truly, no one has ever explained fevers that way to me before.)

I decided to go with my mama gut and take him in.  Which was a good decision since my ear thermometer is crap. The boy had a freaking 103.8 temp when we got there. Two antibiotics (one inner and two outer ear infections and possible tonsillitis) and some Motrin later and his fever started to go down.

-After I put the baby down and got the girls settled, Logan and I sat down to watch Top Chef, which we had DVR’d. We were ten minutes into it, when I hit some button and deleted it. Now, I have it sitting on there again already, since it was showing again late last night. But still, come on now. Really?

Today, is better. This morning, Harrison is doing a bit better. I slept extraordinarily well, since I slept in the guest room, while Logan was on baby duty. I needed sleep. I can not tell you how much, I needed sleep. The girls both seem to be fine, although I will be Lysoling our house and changing sheets and toothbrushes today, just to be on the safe side. Oh and today, there was donuts for breakfast. But oh boy yesterday just sucked.

What do you think? Does yesterday qualify for the day of fail?

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Missing: My Writing Mojo

Written on August 24, 2009
10 Opinions - Talk to me

Have you seen my mojo?

ndw0086l

Owner: Issa

Last seen: Sometime before BlogHer maybe? Is a rough guess. It’s been gone awhile.

Much loved writing Mojo. Very much missed. Reward given if found.

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Not welcome anymore

Written on August 11, 2009
21 Opinions - Talk to me

Hold your head high, don’t ever let them define the light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them hell. You can take on this world. You can stand and be strong. And then fight like a girl. With style and grace, kick ass and take names. –Fight like a Girl by Bomshel

I have always joked about inventing troll be gone spray. In comments for years, I have joked about how we needed this. How awesome it would be to have some sort of spray that got rid of trolls. Problem is, this is the Internet. Obviously a spray isn’t going to cut it. Who’d want to spray their computer? Not me, that’s for sure.

I’d like to do the next best thing. I’d like to start an anti-troll movement. To let them all know that they are not welcome here. Not just here on my site, but on any of our sites. I’d like us to take back our space. To stand up and say, we are not going to let this happen anymore; we are not going to sit here and take your crap. You are not welcome anymore. Shoo.

It’s gone too far. Especially lately. It seems like every day someone who I love is being attacked for no good reason in their comments. I’ve done my share of troll taunting and attacking, this I will admit to. I despise my friends being attacked though. I’ve gone on the defensive more times than I can count. All it gets me, is more trolls attacking me. It has to stop.

I’ve tried the ignore tactic. Heck people, I moved my blog to WordPress, in hopes that would help, but I still got one on my post about my SIL. Yes, I deleted it. No, I didn’t respond first. It’s still not okay. Nothing about this is okay anymore. It was never okay, but it’s gotten really bad lately. Every day it seems someone is being attacked in their comments by trolls.

It used to be where they attacked because you talked about a certain subject. You discussed breast feeding, circumcision, c-sections, your views on the president, whatever. It still wasn’t okay, but it was generally people who were fanatics about that certain subject. Now, they’ll attack just to attack. Just to be trolls, just to see if they can bring you down.

I don’t attack people in their space. If I read something I don’t like, as long as it isn’t an attack on my friends, in their comments, I hit that bright red X at the top of the screen. How hard is that to do?

It seems like it is very hard for some people.

I want to do something about it. The problem is, I don’t know where to start, what to do exactly, but I know something needs to be done.

Obviously we can’t stop people from commenting. But we can stop dealing with them. We can all agree to delete and block and not respond to them, if we see them elsewhere.

That’s my idea anyway. What do you guys think? Are you in? Any ideas?

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This is where I start to get uncomfortable

Written on July 9, 2009
21 Opinions - Talk to me

I’m at the park with the kids yesterday afternoon and while the girls are taking turns pushing the baby in the swing, I decide to check in on Twitter. Yes, I am that person. The woman with her Crackberry permanently attached to her hand. Anyway, I’m reading tweets and something someone had said cracked me up and I laughed out loud.

Twitter or Facebook, this woman near me asks. I turn and notice this woman, who I hadn’t even realized had sat down. Twitter I said, without thinking. But I use Facebook too.

Oh what’s your Twitter name? I can follow you.

Uh, it’s protected I said. We’re from California and I use it to keep in touch with friends out there. Oh, okay was her answer. Then Harrison called out to me and I got up and walked away.

I lied. To a random stranger. She looked nice. She had kids. She was at the park in my neighborhood. I still lied to her.

Why?

Well that is a hard one. I am going to be dead honest here. I don’t ever intend on telling my family or friends about this blog. (Yes my husband knows, but he wishes he didn’t. He probably wishes what I said to her were true, that you all were old friends from California.) I don’t use Facebook for realz. I mean, yes I have one. But not one that my family could find. Twitter? well the same thing there, although a few people know that I use it, but none of them seem interested in it at all. People like my mother for example could care less what Twitter is, although I have explained it to her.

I can’t make friends with people in my area through blogging or Twitter and think I can keep it quiet. Or separate. My children have the biggest mouths in the world. I don’t fault her at all, but Morgan is the one who mentioned my previous blog to my aunt, which caused HUGE family drama, because I was too open, too honest and she still won’t speak to me.

My blog life, my online life, is separate from my life in many, many ways. I tried it the other way and it blew up in my face. People, my own step-mother won’t speak to me because of it. Unless I am standing in front of her, I don’t exist. My own father won’t talk to me more than once a month because of it. (Well that and they are both asses.) Iit’s been a few years. I don’t have much family on that side and almost none of them really speak to me anymore because of the secrets they believe I shared with the world. They aren’t wrong, I did. I said things I shouldn’t have, because I believed I was safe. But hi, when you use your children’s real names and they are not very common names, you are easy to find.

This is me. This space is my place to be me. I don’t lie here. I’ve told you all straight out that my family and blog life are separate. This is where I can be brutally honest. More honest and open than I am in real life, I’ll tell you that right now. This is where I say, I am struggling right now to maintain. I am struggling with my depression right now. I am unhappy right now. I am sad. My heart hurts.

I can say this all here and much more, because this is my space. My space to be me, without repercussions from my friends and family. Logan does not read this blog. He has asked that I not discuss his personal life too much, but I could and he wouldn’t even know it. He has left this as my deal.

But now I’m going to a conference. A conference with what like 1000 other bloggers? I am starting to wonder why I am doing this. Why I want to meet you all as much as I do, when I will come home and pretend I was elsewhere. Until the Keynote thing, I thought it would be okay. I can remain anonymous if I am 1 of a 1000. It’s harder to remain anonymous when you are on a keynote with 15 other bloggers. I don’t have the answers. I am going to go to the conference, read my post and have a blast. But I don’t know what happens when I get back and it scares me.

Is that okay? Does it bother you guys? Are you okay with me, the me you know here, if you know I will most likely never introduce you to my husband, children or friends? Is it okay that this is my thing? My one place in my life, where it’s just about me? Will you still be my friends despite the fact that I’d lie to a random stranger about being on Twitter, because it keeps the peace in my life?

The lines are blurry. I’ve let them get blurry, because I consider you guys my friends. True, real, friends. No question about that. But the blurriness scares me.

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BlogHer freakout #1

Written on June 17, 2009
17 Opinions - Talk to me

There’s this thing that I’m going to in a few weeks. BlogHer. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Might ring a bell? (For those of you not going, I am sorry but this post is all about it. I’ve been there, I’ve wanted to go twice previously. I get how it can be to listen to it all the time. Please forgive me though, because I need to talk about this.)

So um, yeah, I am going to be part of the Community Keynote at the conference. A post that I wrote was submitted by the lovely and talented Stacey. I told her she could submit it when she asked, because I honestly didn’t think it would get chosen. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. I have no pre-conceived notions about my writing. I know it’s not the best. It’s just me, raw and un-cut.

However my post did get chosen. I am absolutely honored by this. I can not even explain how honored and thrilled I am. To be a part of something like this is just beyond me. But I am going to be part of this. I am going to get up there and read my post to the two five gulp hundreds of people who could possibly be in the room.

Can you feel my fear over the screen?

I am terrified. I have no doubts that I can do it. That’s not the problem. I may talk to fast and sweat a bit, but I am positive I can get through it. But I’m still scared shitless. That’s a lot of freaking people, yo. Serious. Some of the blogging greats will be reading during this keynote. People who I adore, people who are extremely great writers. (I did hire a professional hand holder, a drink giver and possibly a body guard. Won’t they be sad when they realize, I pay in Jelly Beans.) I don’t know that I measure up.

This came up after I realized that I was already nervous about the conference in general. Nervous being a mild word. Nightmares. I’m having BlogHer nightmares. Going to this conference is so far out of my comfort zone, I can not even begin to tell you.

I’ve been doing this blogging gig, off and on since 2005. But I’ve never gone to a conference. I’ve literally only met four blogger. I don’t tell people that I blog. I won’t tell people when I get back. My family and friends think I am going on a girls weekend. That is just the way it is.

So I’m scared. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve heard all the stories, the rumors and seen all the posts for years. But reality is different.

I’m hoping that some of you who have gone before can help me out on a few small questions I have. Might put my mind at ease a bit. Anyone of you who is new to this too, maybe we can be buddies? Having buddies is always better than wandering around by yourself. Right?

Ok, here goes nothing.

1. Does it matter if I wear jeans and flip-flops the entire time? I keep hearing people discuss dresses and such, but that’s just not something I’m into. But I don’t want to be the only one looking like her wardrobe sucks.

2. Business cards? Is this like a must? Are you doing it?

3. How many of you really think you’ll go to the Community Keynote?

4. Am I the only one scared shitless?

5. If I hide in a closet, will one of you bring me drinks?

I’ll leave it at this for now. I’m working on another post, one that I stole from Undomestic Diva, on what you should know about me before we meet in person. Maybe you should know that I am a totally idea thief. Nah, you all knew that already.

Okay, halp, please.

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Questions for the class

Written on June 11, 2009
20 Opinions - Talk to me

1. Do you guys comment back to people in your own comment sections? I email people a lot of the time, but some days, I just want to say something like, ha that was funny. Or a big thanks to everyone, on a post like my last one, where I am having trouble finding words to thank everyone individually. (Truly, everyone, thank you. I can’t say more than a heartfelt thank you to each of you.) A lot of times, I don’t have an email address, as blogger doesn’t require one to comment. I read every comment, I love every comment and I appreciate you all for taking the time to respond to me. I just can’t always respond to everyone back. What’s your take on it?

2. Do any of you feel the urge to write a post, just because the one that is currently up is hard and sad and you feel like it needs to be moved down a bit? Is it just me who gets like this? Because I could have nothing to say, but I will come up with something, just to move a post down if the subject is too raw. i.e. today.

3. Blogrolls? Yah or nay? I used to love having one, but now with the BlogHer Ads, I don’t feel like it will ever be seen. Do you like them, do you ever click on them? Would you want to be on mine?

4. BlogHer Ads is a tricky thing. I wanted them for so long. It seemed like the thing to do. I really love BlogHer, I think they’ve done a great thing for this community. They’ve helped to bring so many people together. But the ads will never make me a cent. I didn’t put them up for that, not in the least. But I’m wondering why I have them. Is it a status thing? For a long time, back in the day, it was. If you had them, you were in some type of in crowd. It’s not really like that anymore. All I know is it takes up a big chunk of space on my site and I’m not sure I need, nor want it there anymore. Thoughts?

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Answers, get your red hot answers

Written on April 30, 2009
5 Opinions - Talk to me

First off, I love these questions. You people are way more entertaining than I ever could be. Seriously. Thank you for humoring me and helping me to have something to write about. I needed it. Obviously I’m going to be gone for the weekend, but hopefully I will have much too write about when I get back. Five days with my step-mom tends to do that too me. Secondly, I love you all for what you said to anonymous. I can’t tell you what it means to me, to have such amazing friends. I have decided to answer the asshat. Not because I think I should, but because I have something to say to it. Yes, all asshats are hereby, it’s. They don’t have a name, they don’t get treated with respect.

So here we go:

Kirsten: Name your favorite thing about each of your kids. I love that Morgan is so inquisitive and independent. I adore the way she yearns for knowledge and I absolutely love her sense of humor. Bailey is about the sweetest person anyone could ever hope to meet. She is loving and kind and giving. I love snuggling with her on the couch for hours. She knows no stranger and the world is her friend. She’s also old for her years, she understands more about people than some adults do. Harrison, god i adore everything about him. He is a serious little dude and that is kinda fun. I love trying to make him smile, even though it can take hours. I also love how easy going he is.

How did your husband propose? Um…he didn’t, I did. I asked him if he’d marry me. We were in Santa Monica, it was like 2am and we were swinging on the swings. I asked him. He said yes and the we went and bought rings the next day. Sweet, simple, easy.

What did you have for dinner last night? A egg, bacon and cheese sandwich. With some fruit salad. We are big on breakfast for dinner around here. (I answered this on Wednesday of last week. Sorry, it’s been a rough couple of days in my world. Last night, I had dinner with Maura and there was cake.)

Instamom: Knowing that you just got back from Hawaii, what I want to know is where in the world you would most like to visit and what you would like to do there. I’d love to go to Italy and see it all. Spend months there or even a year. I’d love to rent a villa in Tuscany and learn Italian. I’d love to visit every art museum in Rome and ride gondolas every day for weeks in Florence. I adore Italy; the country, the people, the food.

Kari: What song could you listen to over and over and over, and…. This is a hard one, because I always have a CD full of songs that I can listen to over and over to in the moment. But always? Um anything ever sung by James Taylor. Or the Dixie Chicks. Or Dreamland by Mary Chapin Carpenter, which is what I sing to my babies at night.

J from Ireland: What would you do if you won the lottery? Move to Italy for a year? Buy a house in Malibu on the beach, a condo in Hawaii and maybe an apartment in New York. I’d pay off my dad’s house and buy my siblings each a house and a car. Then, I’d donate a ton of it and save the rest.

Anonymous: are you on meds? Yes, in fact I am. I have a lot to say to you anonymous, but I know it would all go over your head. After the weekend that I’ve had, I just can’t address this like I had planned. But please hear this: medications are not a magic pill. I still have the propensity to get depressed, maybe just not as often or as bad. When I needed them the most, I was thrilled to have them. It made it where I could get outta bed, take care of my children, shop at the grocery store. My depression was a symptom of my life in the moment, but that doesn’t mean it magically went away with the meds. Meds do not take away all of your symptoms, just makes them more manageable. If I am too depressing too you; not entertaining enough, please just go away. This is my blog about my crazy world. I don’t need your attitude or harshness.

Anymommy: What movie(s) have you watched more than twice? Why? If I love a movie, I can watch it all the time. Favorites include: 13 Going on 30, Mary Poppins, Oceans 11, The Incredibles, Transformers and National Treasure. Why? Because I am a creature of habit. I can enjoy it as much the first time as I do after 25 times.

Jaden: If you could teach yourself something, what would it be? Italian. I have always wanted to learn Italian. I find it to be the most beautiful language. But I am horrible at languages. Flunked out of Spanish and was kicked out of French in High School.

If you could go on a vacation- any vacation- and take one person- BUT it couldn’t be your hubby or kids, who would you take and where would you go? I would love to go on a girls trip with some of my lovely bloggy friends. If I win the lottery one day, I will make this happen.

And last… If you were a candy, what would you be and why? Sour jelly beans. Because they are sweet and sour and you are never quite sure which it’s going to be.

Maura: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? A maple. I find them to be gorgeous and always changing. They are my absolute favorite tree. They are big and strong and they are survivors.

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