Three months of tax season and barely posting has left me kind of timid online. I don’t know what to share, what to keep to myself. I’m not sure if the story my friend told me the other day about her lesbian boss is funny just to me, or if it would be funny to you all as well. (The, I went to church to find Jesus, but I found Anita instead part was funny.) I’ll get there you know?
Or at least I think I will. At times I consider being done with this blogging thing. Walking away. As hard as I’ve fought it, I’m not sure personal blogs have a place anymore. Twitter and Facebook are the norm. We all share there. Me included. Blogging about paid events, paid writing, paid stuff is the way it is now. Honestly, I’m not against any of that. It’s just not how or why I’ve done this for so many years. I am, at times, unsure why I still do this.
Maybe that’s the exhaustion talking. I’m exhausted people. I’m exhausted from living my work life at warp speed for 3.5 months. I’m exhausted from not sleeping for the past week. Nerve pain in my foot is keeping me up for hours and hours each night. My parents and aunt and uncle are here this week and that is fun, yet tiring. Trying to reclaim my house and life after so long, is a long process.
I’m not saying I’m shutting down, so don’t feel like you have to say anything about it. I just came here to talk. To let some things out. This is where I am. Unsure what comes next. Unsure why I’m still doing this. When I started Morgan had just turned four. Everything she said and did was fair game. Now, she’s ten. It’s just not the same. Well that and my ex would rather me never talk about any of them online. Ahem.
Anyway…in other news, my best friend is a super sneak. (See post below.) I adore her for that and a zillion other reasons. I was actually shocked. Not much shocks me these days, but that did. So she wins. I had a really, really good birthday, which I wasn’t expecting since the previous two had been spent on vacation. How does one compare to that? Well you can’t, yet I still had a great day.
Bailey FINALLY lost her first tooth. I didn’t do the tooth fairy. Sorry…that is the one thing I just never understood. Walk into my childs room and root around under her head while she’s SLEEPING, on PURPOSE? Are you INSANE? Maybe had Bailey been born first, I’d of done this. But Morgan was first and the thought of waking her up on accident still scares me to this day, so no thank you. However my girl is very happy to no longer be the only KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD MAMA who hadn’t lost a tooth at seven.
After much deliberation (on Facebook, Twitter, with my mom and aunt and asking pretty much everyone I know) I decided that Morgan DID need to go to health class this week. You know, learn about sex and stuff health class? Yeah. That’s what she’s doing this week. Yay her! She asked me to write her a note to get out of it. I was willing because she’s so uncomfortable with the whole subject and I know she wouldn’t ask for anything else, but then I heard she’d of been the only kid out of it and I told her she had to suck it up and deal. Well it’s more complicated than that, but you get my drift. Morgan, for those who don’t know, skipped kindergarten. She is a year ahead. Which is fine in almost every sense of it. It’s just that she’s honestly not ready for this. I told her to draw when she gets to uncomfortable and we’d talk about it each night. Best I can do.
Harrison is very, very three. He’s so awesome and so very tiring.
I’m going on vacation next week. Half a week with family, half a week with friends. It should be very fun. Kinda wishing I was there right now. But it will come.
Over the weekend I read Bloom by Kelle Hampton. Good grief I cried a lot. It’s a very touching, sweet book. An easy read. I cried through um….the whole thing? It was good.
That’s all I know.
When you are three and a few months…
You can tell a roomful of family at a birthday dinner that you are allowed to touch your penis in your room only. Not at the table. In your mind, they all needed to know this. They will all laugh.
You will ask for apple sauce, have a tantrum about not wanting apple sauce and then eat the apple sauce all while your mother looks at you still trying to decide what to say.
You think that the red car with the smiling teeth grill is a real car from Cars. You will then proceed to tell everyone you see that you saw the real life Lightening McQueen.
You will teach your baby cousin to “say his name” even though you’ve somehow forgotten that Baby G’s real name isn’t Baby G.
You will Tebow everywhere because your daddy taught you how. Everyone will think it’s funny. Even when done at the grocery store and someone nearly runs you over. You get a pass for being three and cute.
When you are seven and a half…
You will read The Tale of Despereaux and then watch the movie and want to discuss the differences at great length. Your mother will find this amazing and tell all of your grandparents.
You will get grouchy at your mother for not managing to stay awake for this boring beyond boring of all movies on any viewing. But hey, she’ll still gladly discuss the slightly less boring book at great length with you.
You will come home each day with stories of who lost teeth today. You will yet again ask if you are the only person in the world who will forever have baby teeth. The answer of course is yes and then you’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for only adult with all baby teeth.
You make the Harry Potter Knight Bus out of Legos and then take it apart to do it again, at least twice a week.
You claim that every food in the world is inedible. There is rumor that you live off air and jokes. The only food you want at any given meal is either one we are just now out of or possibly one that doesn’t yet exist.
You tell better original jokes than most high paid comedians.
When you are ten…
You yell at your siblings if they even look at your perfectly built Hogwarts Lego creation. You’d never consider taking it apart. It was a one time deal that you plan on enjoying looking at forever.
You take up texting. Or more technically iMessage. You will text both of your parents non-stop. (Or what feels like non-stop to them.) Even when sitting on the couch next to them. It’s cute. In a, sort of getting old, way.
You figure out how to add a signature to your texts, which neither of your parents know how to do. You change it on a day to day basis, depending on your mood. For example, yesterdays signature was: I’d like a kitten. Texts tend to look like this: Hi! I’d like a kitten. What are you doin? I’d like a kitten. Mommy can you change the chanel? I’d like a kitten. Can I watch Idol? I’d like a kitten.
You decide to learn to bake. Muffins are your current favorite.
You will sob when your favorite skier passes away from a head injury. This was the first time a hero of yours has died and it has made you incredibly sad. It’s a first that I wish I could have protected you from. Thankfully it has not made you fear skiing.
You will one day announce that it’s high time Harrison learns to read. The fact that he just turned three and still screams each time someone makes him blow his nose makes no difference. You are going to be the one to teach him. What follows is a lot of entertaining attempts at getting him to look at the letter and word cards that you have made up. He in turn makes them into weird ramps for his cars. This will be a process.
When you are thirty one…
You will want to hug every single person on the entire Internet for their kind words this past week.
You will laugh hysterically at an ill placed hanging fairy during a procedure.
You will tell the nurse when she asks you to tell her if it’s uncomfortable, how about I tell you if it hurts…because we are way past uncomfortable now. I mean see where you are and the entire army of medical instruments up my…yeah. Stopping now. Uncomfortable. She did laugh though.
You will decide to quit coffee cold turkey. Not because you don’t love coffee, because oh you adore coffee, but because in the moment you know it’s the right thing to do. Even after the headache starts you won’t give in…because some things are more important than a cup of coffee.
You buy Girl Scout cookies from the cute six year old girl at the door on general principal. You don’t even like GS cookies, but a few boxes now reside in your cupboard.
You will finally delete the six posts sitting in draft form. If they weren’t worthy then, they surely aren’t now.
You will thank everyone who still comes and reads here 600 posts later.
Please note that I stole this idea from Jodifur. Hey, at least I ask before I steal post ideas.
It’s come to my attention that the remainder of this year is going to be COMPLETELY INSANE, so I believe it’s time to post and call an end to my posting for 2011. I promise I’ll be back in January. Hopefully with some changes around here. Anyway, before I show you my favorite posts of this year, I thought I’d wish you all a wonderful holiday. Whether that is Chanukah, Christmas, Winter Solstice, Kwansa or just New Years, I hope you enjoy it. Whatever you celebrate, I wish you health and happiness for the remainder of this year.
In January, I made a goal to remember the good in this year. To count my blessings and try not to be such a pessimist. It’s a goal, I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to accomplish over time.
In February, I found out that I have PCOS. It’s changed my life in many ways and I’ll be honest, it’s not all bad. It’s nice to know that certain medical things in my past had reasons. It’s made me less hard on myself. I also love this post about enjoying the small things in my kids lives. Days go so fast and some days, I do wish for a second Sunday.
While writing this post on my step-mom was hard in March, it also led me back to therapy to deal with a few things that I thought I’d let go of. It’s nice to say now, that I have let go of a few issues. It’s helped make this a better year for me. I’ll never forget things that happened when I was a kid, however I don’t have to let it color my world any longer.
April brought my 500th post, which I chose to write for my best friend Liz. I love her even more now than I did then, so I’m glad I gave her that milestone post. April also came with big decisions about the brother I’ll probably never know. I am confident in my decision. Finally, there was the list I made to insure the kids and I had a great summer. I am thrilled to say, I managed to accomplish my goals.
In May, I head great news about Morgan’s future in fifth grade. I have to say, she’s had a phenomenal school year. Her teacher is amazing. We owe her so much. Luckily, because my kids go to a charter school, Morgan will have her next year as well! I also told you all about my lunch date with my dad.
Parenting isn’t always easy, as I realized yet again in June. Making the hard choices is something I am willing to do though. A part of June, I’d rather forget but never will is when the evil clown ate my blog. I’m still thankful to Jenna for fixing it. Also in a funnier post, I shared some text messages I get. Even now, they crack me up.
In July, I got off my anti-depressants after four years. There have been times when I wondered if I could stay off of them. But we’re halfway through December and I can honestly say, I’m doing great right now. On the 18th, my Bailey turned seven. She is one of my very favorite people in this world.
On a random day in August, I wrote about my step-dad for no real reason. Just because I love him. I also went to BH11 and my BFF trip. It was one of the greatest weeks in my year.
September was a harder month for me. I’d rather not re-visit it, except for this one tiny thing. My baby boy turned three. He’s so very three and I adore him for it. Most of the time.
In October I celebrated making it through the first year of divorce. A strange thing to celebrate, yes maybe. However, in my quest to change how I think, I had to look at the bad, to remember the good.
In November, I did quite a few things that scare me. It was a hard month emotionally, but luckily I came out okay on the other side.
December has been very busy. I’m loving ever second of it. For the first time in a long time, I’m truly happy. My baby girl turned ten and had an amazing party. I’m looking forward to everything that we have planned for the next two weeks.
My wish for all of you is a wonderful next few weeks. I’ll see you in 2012.
Love, Issa
When Apple created the iOS 5 software update for my phone, I did what I was told and updated it. Eventually I went around and updated every other device in this house. For those who are curious, that’s my iPhone, my iPad, the kids iPad’s and three iTouch’s. Yes. We are spoiled. Moving on….
One of the great things that came with the update (besides it not deleting everything, which was my fear) was that the iTouch’s now have iMessage. The great thing about this, is that my girls can now iMessage me from their iTouch, when with their dad. When with me, they can iMessage him. They can iMessage my mom as well, which she finds highly enjoyable. It’s great actually. It means I can actually tell Morgan that no she really isn’t getting a phone at least for another year. Why? Because you can always iMessage me.
For the record, nine and seven year old children are pretty decent texters. Or my girls are at least. I have a rule that if you want to keep said shiny device, you will NEVER use text speak. If you mean you, you cannot type U. I’ll confiscate your iTouch for that.
It’s led to some funny conversations though. I tend to laugh, shake my head and try to figure out what they are actually saying. Other times, I end up calling their dad to ask them. Here’s a few for your viewing pleasure:
Me: Hey M, your friends like you too much. 10 of them RSVP’d to your party.
Morgan: Whoooooa. That’s because I am very mice.
Me: Mice?
M: Yes. Mice. Like Mickey.
Me: I am very mice too. That’s why I let you invite so many mice girls to our house.
M: You are mice mom. Very mice. It will be a very mice birthday. Maybe we can have some mice cream?
***********
M: Mommy were are you?
Me: Where.
M: Yes. Were are you at?
Me: Where.
M: MOMMY I need to know were you are so I know when you will come get me.
Me: WHERE.
M: Never mind.
************
Bailey: Mommy do you my blanky?
Me: Do I have your blankie?
Bailey: 
Me: I think it may be in the bottom of my car. Do you want me to bring it to you?
Bailey: *random emoticoms of whales, unicorns and thumbs up signs*
Me: Try for some real words please.
Bailey: Unicorn = Pease bring blanky to daddy home. ***
Me: Will do silly girl.
************
M: Mom, for Christmas can you get me a new bruther?
Me: Error. This mommy doesn’t talk about Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
M: Mommy, can you get me a new bruther for my birfday?**
Me: Error. This mommy doesn’t think new BROTHER’s come from a store. Therefore no.
M: STOP talking in second person.
Me: Third person?
M: Yes!!!!!!!
Me: Morgan? I am rather fond of your brother. I believe we are keeping him.
M: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. He keeps jumping on my back when I sit down.
Me: This is simple. Don’t sit down.
M: You are no help.
Me: Try daddy. Maybe he is feeling helpful.
M: He told me to ask you. Can you just put him back?
Me: Yeah. No.
M: Why not?
Me: I’ll explain it to you when you turn 13.
*************
**Morgan can spell both birthday and brother. We all just have a bad habit of talking like said bruther does. What can I say? Three year olds are cute.
***Bailey gets a bit of a pass on spelling, since she’s only in second grade. We’ll keep working on it. Notice that she can fully spell unicorn. Priorities.
At dinner last night, I brought up the subject of Halloween costumes. I tend to wait until the last moment to do this, because certain members of this household change their mind 2222 times. Here’s the current costume ideas:
Morgan: A vampire fairy. A very specific, very expensive (trust me) vampire costume that she must have found at drainmom’sbankaccount dot com. I did however agree to buy it, so just call me sucker. The costume is gorgeous and comes complete with crown (Hence the fairy piece. Don’t ask. The girl is odd.) and two pointy teeth that you somehow glue on. Also purchased by the sucker that is me, is a pair of black boots to go with it. She will look like a model in it, because she always does, even when in PJ’s. The girl just has that gift. She will insist on make-up before school and some insane hair-do and then make me re-do it again before she goes Trick or Treating. If it’s somehow not all perfect? She will make Halloween hell for everyone until the last second before I threaten to not let her go out and then she will be an angel.
Bailey: Has no clue what she wants to be, despite talking about it for six months. Maybe an Angry Bird. Maybe a corncob. Possibly a bloody surgeon. She in no way wants to make a decision until probably Halloween morning, three minutes before we leave for school. Which in all likely hood means, she will wear whatever she can scrounge together in the play room. Which works out well for her every dang year. She will not care or be sad about this at all. In fact, every time someone compliments her choice she will act like she thought of it months ago. Also? FREEEEE! She will be a joy all day. Because she ADORES holidays, no matter what they are. She will compliment every child under five on how cute they are and will tell random teens how beautiful they look while out that night.
Harrison: He debated for a bit between Buzz Lightyear and Iron Man and then at Children’s Place last weekend saw a skeleton shirt and decided that he’d be a “scawy Skewatin” for Halloween. His costume? That shirt, black pants (which we own) and a bit of face paint. Easy and cheap. He will be a sugar crazed nightmare by noon the day of. He won’t nap because of excitement and he will likely throw six fits. However, he will be the first to thank everyone he sees. He will be the most charming sweet skeleton around.
What are your kids going to be? Anyone else still debating?
It makes it so much more fun.
WARNING: This is a post full of TMI. If you are at all squeamish, please pass and come back on Monday.
This was my night last night. To say I am exhausted, is an understatement. I was already exhausted by an insane work week. But this took it to a whole new level. Has anyone invented the coffee IV drip yet?
Here we go -
8pm: Get all kids in bed. Harrison had puked oh five times throughout the day. (Starting at Daycare at 2ish.) Bailey wasn’t feeling good. Morgan felt GREAT MOM!
8:30pm: Contemplate Lysoling myself. Decide instead to just Lysol all bathrooms, all light fixtures, door handles and ALL the air.
9pm: Decide I should go to bed to, you know, hopefully get some sleep.
10pm: Get up and realize I started my period. Well that explains some things. Also? YAY my body for doing things early for once!
11:12pm – 11:42pm: wake up to a puking screeching Harrison. He apparently freaked himself out puking in bed…although puking doesn’t normally make him scream. Change boy. Change sheets. Put out more towels and bucket. Take his Temp, decide it’s not high enough to give Motrin. Go back to bed.
1:33am: Wake up to a puking Bailey. Thankfully she managed to make it into the bathroom. Sadly puking makes her weepy. Bring her into bed with me.
2:12 – 4am. The girl literally puked every 20 minutes. We at some point stopped going back to the bed. I pulled the rocking chair out of Harrison”s room and we sat in the hallway, right outside the bathroom.
4:10am – Give feverish Bailey Motrin, go to bed.
4:56am – Wake up to feverish Harrison climbing into bed with me. Give more Motrin, pray for no puke.
6:35am – Alarm goes off. Curse at alarm. Both Harrison and Bailey have fevers. No more puke.
7:25am – Morgan swears to me she is perfectly fine and MUST GO TO SCHOOL. Only eats two bites of cereal.
8:10am – Rolling my eyes the entire way, I drive to the school.
8:15am – Morgan starts sobbing about how I can’t leave her because she now doesn’t feel good. I can’t get her to stop sobbing until I try Stacey’s hand holding trick, which works wonders.
9:00am – Decide to write post about puke. Because well this is a parenting blog right?
9:08am – Jump twelve feet in the air when my cell phone rings. Realize that less than 3 hours sleep is going to make this a very, very long day. As it stands now, Morgan is whimpering on the couch. The little two are laying on the other couch. There has been no more puke…but I know it’s coming.
Today’s post brought to you by exhausted me, Despicable Me on Blu-Ray and Motrin. All of which I purchased myself.
That was a line my daughter Bailey used to use as a toddler when she’d get sad at daycare. We’d ask her why she was sad at lunch, or nap time or whatever time period they’d written on her daily form. She always replied, your hugs wore off mama.
At the time it made my workaholic heart ache. The following year we moved here and before I knew it, she’d grown out of that phase. Occasionally she will call me from her dad’s house and say, I just need you mommy. It’s a different version of the same thing. She’s a mama’s girl and I get it, as I’m one myself. Sometimes a phone call works, sometimes a quick trip over there does the trick. Sometimes you just need a hug.
BlogHer was a month ago. It seems like yesterday, but it also seems like a lifetime ago. I was lucky. It was an entire week for me, with BH and then my BFF trip. A week of late night conversations. A week filled to the brim with laughter. A week of coffee dates and dinners out. A week filled with a shit load of hugs.
Driving to get myself coffee a bit ago to improve my day, I looked outside at the rainy 55 degree day (I know, wtf?) and realized that I could really use a friend hug right about now. I just don’t really have anyone here for that.
I think my hugs wore off.
All those amazing friend hugs, gone in one month. Dam I use those suckers up fast. When’s BlogHer12 again?
Last night was the final day of summer. It was also the first day of school for Morgan and Bailey. I am now the mother of fifth and second graders. I’m not sure exactly how that happened, but it did anyway.
Last night was one of those magical evenings. The kind that only seem to happen in the summer. 15 random family members and a few random friends all gathered at a Frozen yogurt place at dusk. Where I’d normally have been getting my kids ready for bed, I was letting them choose their own flavors and add toppings. We all sat outside on the curb and ate frozen yogurt and watched lightening in the distance. For and hour and a half, time stopped. For that hour and a half, it was still summer. Bedtimes didn’t matter, crazy toddlers doing break dancing on concrete didn’t matter. There was no homework to do or baths to take. No one was sad about the two going off to college the following morning. We all got lost in that moment. It was magical.
On the way home, the kids and I tried to list all the great things we did this summer. Movies we saw, trips we took, small fun activities that made it fun. It was a long list. They added things I’d forgotten I’d done. Having it given back to me in list form was neat. It made me realize that my goal of doing this summer right, happened. Even though I had to work all summer and the kids were in daycare/camp all summer, we still had a great summer. I made it happen.
We’ve been to the mountains twice. I painted the inside of my house. The kids have been camping in Wyoming and seen half of Chicago. We’ve bought cupcakes and made cupcakes on many occasions. We’ve been to the park late in the evening and been the only ones playing on swings. We’ve had movie dates and movie parties at the house. We’ve gone to cosmic bowling and black light mini golf. We’ve been to amusement parks and museums. I went to BlogHer and to LA for a BFF trip. I’ve cooked on the grill all summer and my house has been full of summer fruit and ice cream for months. For the first time in years, I hosted the 4th of July. We’ve had ice cream for dinner on more than one occasion and made breakfast for dinner a regular occurrence. We’ve played with glow in the dark sidewalk chalk and I’ve perfected cherry pie. This past weekend, we even went to our first Rockies Game.
This has been a great summer. I’ve had a good time and my kids have had an even better time. This may have been the best summer in years. So Fall? Bring it. We’re ready. Summer is in our bones. We’ve enjoyed every second and we’re ready for whatever’s next.
She’s my easiest child. Oh Bailey? Yeah she’s the easy one.
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I’ve said that. In truth it’s always been that she’s more easy going than her siblings. More willing to give in to what they want. She’s the only one who can play by herself for hours. Compared to Morgan, she has always been easy. Until recently when she suddenly switched to being my hardest. Which is funny considering the amount of toddler attitude and tantrums that I deal with on a daily basis.
Suddenly she is full of attitude. She argues with me about everything. She’s taken to trowing fits at the drop of a hat. Nothing is ever fair, I am out to get her and I only love her siblings best. She pushes Harrison around and picks fights with Morgan for kicks.
And I know it’s my fault. I’ve let it get this far. I did it by thinking she was okay. I did it by still believing that she was my easiest. Morgan is loud and very upfront with her needs. Harrison is too. It’s in their personalities. They need anything and they will make sure you know it right away. Bailey is not like that. She never has been.
It’s not easy finding one on one time with my kids. I can and do, do it. Yet this summer, it’s all been for Morgan and Harrison. Somehow I never made that time for Bailey. I thought I had, but this weekend in thinking about it, I realize I haven’t. No lunches just us. No dinners just us. No full day mommy time. Nothing.
This summer has been hard for her. She’s been in the same camp group with Morgan, since they go by age. She’s had to be with her sister and play by her sisters rules 24/7. I will guarantee you it’s not easy to be Morgan’s little sister and that is the role she’s been put in all summer long.
What sucks is I know this is my fault. Some days I feel like such a failure when it comes to this single parent gig. I know in the grand scheme of life, that isn’t true. However right now, I also know I’ve failed my daughter this summer. It’s so easy to fix this. It really is. Even letting her pick a movie and have a sleepover in my bed Friday night, made her behavior better all weekend. I just feel dumb for not having realized it sooner.
School started today *cheers* and that will help some things. Our schedule will be more set. She will be in her class, with her friends. Morgan won’t even have the same recess times as her. Next weekend, I’m going to keep her while her siblings go to their dad’s house….something that will hopefully help as well.
I know this is fixable. I know it’s not even a big deal. What kills me is that it took me all summer to figure it out. It took talking to a friend about it, to realize what I’d done wrong and how to fix it. I have to remember that even though she isn’t as loud about her needs, she still deserves the same amount of time her siblings do.
This parenting gig isn’t easy. We all know that. But single parenting with kids you only have half time? It’s hard. It’s so very hard at times to fully know what’s going on and finding time to deal with it.
I guess I need to stop calling her my easiest child.
Mama, today was my best day ever. I smiled to myself as she said this on Saturday night. I’m so glad baby.
It was her best day ever. I believe her. Breakfast at Mimi’s Cafe. Seeing Harry Potter with her sister, grandma and I. Shopping. BBQ, presents and cake with the whole family in the evening. It was a pretty great day. However, she has a lot of best days ever. Each time she says it, she absolutely means it. Because she is that kid. Her glass is always full. The sun is always shining. All dogs want to lick her. Everyone is a potential best friend. She’s the person I wish I could be more like. Funny to say that about my own daughter, but it’s true. I adore her with every single fiber of my being.
Today, my Bailey is seven years old. Seven. I don’t know how it happened. I look at her all full of humor and a zillion words a minute; graceful yet clumsy at the same time; full of love for everyone and everything. I see her now and I see her then. My surprise delivery room girl. I see the tiny squish of a newborn even now. I can close my eyes and see her then. I open them and see her now.
I wanted to tell her that she’s not seven yet. Not until 11:47pm tonight. I didn’t though, because I’m not that mean. Not this year at least. Doesn’t matter, she’d of just rolled her eyes at me anyway. Today she will tell every single person she sees that it is her birthday. She will not get embarrassed by people singing. In fact, she’d love it if everyone she comes across would sing to her. Tonight I will take her to Red Chicken (our name for Red Robin) for dinner, just because she adores their birthday song. Tonight I will tell her the story of her birth, just like I do every year. It’s her very favorite story ever.
Today is her day and she plans on enjoying every second.
She should enjoy every second. She deserves that and much, much more. She lights up my world and everyone who she comes across. She is beautiful and absolutely amazing. And today is her birthday. Today she is seven.
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
