Teh Awesome

I read the most amazing post yesterday by Redneck Mommy. Here go read it first. It’s maybe not a post that everyone will say changes you in some way. But it was great in a different way. I’m not sure I can explain what I’m trying to say. Shocking, I know. Ahem. I know I love it though.

We all share things every day.  Different people share different things. For instance: Tanis, will tell the world anything. One of the many reasons I adore her. Stacey, talks about her crazy day, but does it in such a way, that you feel like you are having coffee with her. A coffee date that you don’t ever want to end. Jenna is sweet and honest and tells it exactly like it is. It’s one of the things that makes her such an amazing friend. That ability to cut out the bullshit and get to the dam point, to be real. She will be sweet and caring when I need it and will kick my dam ass from here to next week when I need it. (In fact, I have two people who do that for me. Aren’t I lucky? Don’t answer that. Ha.) Marinka is possibly one of the funniest writers on the Internet. I keep waiting for someone to offer her a huge movie or book deal. (At which point, I will remind the world that I met her once.) Each of these women are so different, yet so awesome. Each writes in a completely different way, about completely different things, but they’re some of my favorite people to read.

Me? I write from my heart. Not everyone can. Not everyone should. Heck, some would say, I shouldn’t. But I do it anyway. It’s the only way, I know to write. It helps me. It’s why I keep doing it, even when I want to curl up an disappear. Because I know it helps me.  Because I love it.

Where was I going with this? No clue. Oh wait, Tanis’s post from the other day. Yes, I remember now. She wrote a post for her kids. Her teens. To show them, to tell them that it’s okay to be who you are. Then she listed some of her very awesome quirks. Things that make her, her. To show them that it’s okay to celebrate your differences. Our differences are make us who we are, after all.

I’m nothing if not a great idea thief, so I thought I’d try to do the same thing. You all know a lot about me. You know the big things that make me hurt, the big things I love, the people I love. But the smaller things? The things that make me, me? Some of those you may not know. I am in a sharing mood. Hey, it’s kind of like a sleepover. You get to see the weirdness that is me. But? I get to sleep in my own bed and my bra won’t end up in the freezer. Score!

I have the weirdest collection of music. For instance, the last ten songs that played on shuffle on my iTunes? Put your record on, Corrine Bailey Ray; Sitting on the dock of the bay, Otis Redding; Kiss me, Shelly Fairchild; I got love if you want it, Slim Harpo; Home, Blake Shelton; Once in a lifetime, Billy Vera and the Beaters; Sober, Pink; Have a little faith, Michael Franti; Your song, Elton John, Rocksteady, Marc Broussard. I adore music. I have music on all day long. I can’t stand screaming music and I can’t handle much rap. Anything else? I’m game. I’m also completely obsessive about songs.  I can listen to the same song over and over for days if I’m in that mood. I make a new play-list a month with my current favorite songs; some new, some old, whatever is floating my boat at the time. I am the girl who Googles lyrics to a song I hear in a movie theater and then downloads it the second I find it.

I adore country music. There, I said it. LOVE. The end.

The only TV show that I’ve ever loved enough to stay home to watch is, Charmed. I own all eight seasons on DVD. Cheesy? Completely. But I adore it. I follow almost no celebrities on Twitter, because I truly could care less, but I follow both Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan. I probably would have stayed home to watch Alias each week, but I didn’t start watching it until season 4. I own all five seasons of that as well. I also love crime dramas, medical dramas and cooking challenge shows.

I hate peas, eggplant and mushrooms. But I adore the taste of mushrooms in things. Just not the pieces of it. I hated tomatoes until I was 26 years old and then suddenly realized I adored them.

I buy expensive silk flowers and put them in vases around my house. I am allergic to most real flowers.

I am a Mac girl all the way. I have a Mac desktop and laptop and I’ve had iPods for years and years. Come July, I will have an iPhone as well.

I love chick flicks. The sillier, the better. I also love action flicks. And super hero movies. And kid movies. I won’t watch drama movies hardly ever, because hi, I need no more drama in my life. I won’t watch horror flicks, because even the commercials give me nightmares.

I am blind as a bat. I’ll never wear contacts. I actually love wearing glasses. I think it adds character.

I’m a big girl. It’s genetic. I was an average kid. But once I hit puberty, I put on weight. I cared a lot as a teen, but no amount of diet or exercise did a thing for me. The person  who cared most was my step-mother. She was horrible about it. Still is. God forbid, everyone shouldn’t be skinny. I? Am happy with the way I look. I don’t diet. I am very healthy. I just wish doctors would act so shocked about that every time they see me.

I really truly don’t think celebrities are fascinating at all. Maybe because I grew up around a ton of them. However? I do care what they name their babies.

Naming is a sickness for me. I have a ton of name lists. I rename people’s kids in my head, when I don’t think the name fits them. If I could figure out how to market this skill, how to help people make a good decision, I’d do it.

I love Christmas movies.

I hate musicals. Except Mary Poppins and Fame for some strange reason.

I adore watching gymnastics. I wanted to be a gymnast when I was a kid.

I have absolutely no athletic ability whatsoever. In fact, I am completely clumsy.

I won’t discuss politics or religion.

I once told my daughters that I’d support them in almost anything, except cheerleading. If they choose to be cheerleaders, they could possibly end up disowned.

I hate shoes. I hate having my feet confined. I hate socks. I’d wear flip-flops year round if I could.  This is what happens when you grow up in southern California.

I played the piano from five until thirteen years old. I quit because I couldn’t get out of a big performance in front of a large group of people. One of the biggest regrets in my life is quitting. Because I adored it.

I tried to fail 7th grade on purpose. I wanted my parents to notice I was having a hard time. It was my way of rebelling. Dang teachers wouldn’t fail me though. Gave me D’s, all of them.

I’m scared of heights. I am the woman who held her kids back by their shirts, 35 feet away from the railing at the Grand Canyon. It’s the only time ever, that I wished for kid leashes. I don’t like mountain driving. Weirdly, I adore roller coasters and don’t really mind flying. Unless its bumpy then I’m convinced I’m gonna die.

I don’t know to this day how I got on that stage at BlogHer last year and read my post. Part of me still believes it was a dream.

I am a professional worrier and apologizer.

I am completely neurotic about my kitchen being clean. But the rest of the house can be trashed and I can easily ignore it.

I haven’t had a drink since Christmas, when I realized I was drinking way too much and thinking about drinking all the time and yep, I may not drink for a long time.

There you have it. Me. The real me.

This is a hard time in my life. Very hard. In my trying to make it through each day, I find that I’m forgetting things. Small things. Things like, I’ve needed to buy more Tums for a week. (Can someone explain to me why I still get heartburn when the boy is nearly 16 months old?) Things like, my printer has needed ink for three weeks. Have I been places where I could buy these things? Oh yes, many times over. But I forget when I’m there, because my brain is on overdrive trying to figure out things, that it just doesn’t understand yet.

Where is my plug for my iPod? Why can’t I find my 2008 taxes? Did I give Morgan, Bailey’s lunch today? All very good questions. Things I’d normally be able to give you answers for. Right now though? You guess would be as good as mine.

Anyway, I have a few things that I wanted to remember. In case I forget later. I thought it may be good to write them down here.

-I’ve been having trouble getting Bailey to eat. It’s slowly getting better. She’ll eat for me, but she’s still not eating much when she’s with her dad. It’s the stress, it just makes her un-hungry. Also, she’s a complete mama’s girl. However, when you are only in the 4th percentile for weight, you can’t afford to miss many meals.

Anyway, last Thursday she came into my bedroom in the morning and we had this conversation:

Bailey: Mama, guess what?

Me: noticing that she is butt nekkid. Um, I don’t know, you forgot how to put clothes on?

Bailey: No.

Me: An alien ate all of your clothes while you were sleeping.

Bailey: NO MAMA.

Me: It’s nekkid day at school and I missed the memo?

Bailey: laughing. No silly.

Me: I give up love. What?

Bailey: I’M HUNGRY. Like super-dup really hungry mommy. I NEED pancakes.

Me: cries.

I took them to ihop for breakfast and then took them to school an hour late. Sometimes, it’s just the right thing to do.

- Harrison does this thing where he makes you get up from where you are sitting to follow him. He pulls on your finger and makes you follow him around. Sometimes it’s to retrieve his Mater car from someplace where he can’t get it. Sometimes it’s to show you the fridge. Or the mess he made of the dog food again. Sometimes, he wants you sit somewhere else. Like two spots over on the couch. Or on the other side of his train table. It’s very adorable. We call it, Harrison’s adventures. He’s taking us on an adventure. When he’s done with you, he lets go of your finger, but not until he is done. He’s a very cute little dictator.

-The girls and I have been watching American Idol. Although I’m a mean mom and I make them watch it the next night. I can’t handle watching it live. Commercials and I don’t really get along. I also need to able to fast forward during some of it. The other night, we were watching the second episode from last week. Morgan and I were both covering our face and plugging our ears at the same things. Go past this mom, she kept saying. It’s too painful. This person shouldn’t be on the show. Agreed baby girl. Agreed. Last year, she made me suffer through it all. This year? She’s come over to the dark side. The, I can’t stand to watch people make fools of themselves on TV side. It’s about dang time.

-I have posts that I’ve written. Posts that I’m unsure if I’ll post. Or if I do, I will try to give you guys some other stuff to read as well. I adore you all. But I know, that you worry. That I worry you. I know that I’m depressing to read these days. That honestly may not change for awhile. But I need you to know that I am okay. This space is my outlet. It always has been. I write things here, that I’d only say out loud to my mom, my best friend and my shrink. I promise you all, I am okay. Not great, not even good, but okay. I am taking care of myself and my kids. We are surviving. One day, we will get used to this. We’re not there yet. But we’re all taking the right steps.

-In other news, I’m going to be working on my blogroll for the next few days. It will be on the page marked friends. Right now if you hit the friends button, it just has the post I wrote about 31 unknown bloggers in it.

If you’d like to be on my blogroll let me know and I’ll make sure to add you.

Because 31 is a nice shiny round number.

Also known as the, bloggers who never make the popular lists. Or bloggers who I adore list. Or the best kept secrets of the blogging world list. Take your pick.

Last week Babble put up the most popular mommy blogger list, which ruffled a few feathers. Mostly I think because they ranked people and the more votes you get, the hirer up on the list you go. I read probably 85% of the women on that list and I agree that they should all be on there.

This morning, Mom-101 put up a new list called The top 50 mommybloggers that didn’t make the list. I adore Liz and yet again, I love the list. I read a ton of those bloggers. Some of the others, I will check out today.

However, there are always those of us, who will never make a list. I thought I’d make my own list. 50 awesome bloggers who make my list. The list of people I consider friends, the list of people who I read. Granted, I read a ton of blogs, but remember these are the ones who may not make a list, get awards, get noticed, or get invited to participate in fun things.

There is no real order here, I’m only numbering them, because I like to number things.

1. Liz at Lacking Super Powers is my best friend so I have to add her to my list. Or else she yells at me. No, I’m kidding. Truly. Truth is, when she writes, however irregularly, she is a great writer. She claims to have no super powers, but she really does. Have you seen the girls score on Bejeweled? That is a super power. Trust me.

2. Avasmommy, also know as the lovely Jenna is one of my very favorite people in the world. She is kind and sweet and has an amazing sense of humor. She also is sarcastic and witty and writes whatever the hell she wants, despite what people will say about it. I love her and I’m honored to be her friend.

3. Ben at Babbling Dad doesn’t babble nearly as much as his title would suggest. He writes beautiful, sentimental posts for his wife and kids. The man always makes me cry. I love to give him a hard time. Luckily he lets me and not just because his wife is my best friend.

4. Becky at Life out of Focus is one of my oldest blogging friends. She is a writer, a mom, a cops wife and an absolutely amazing photographer. Somehow even with all of that, she manages to make time for me and my endless rambly emails. Ignore the fuzziness of her husband in all the pictures. He’s undercover as Harry Potter’s bodyguard right now and needs to not be seen on the Internet for awhile.

5. The amazing Renee from But Why Mommy is a great friend of mine. I am lucky enough to say that I met her at BlogHer this summer. She writes about her and her daughter Bunny’s adventures, as well as her adoption process. This next year (hopefully very soon) Renee and her husband will travel to Ethiopia to pick up their son, know now as Lion. This post; her love letter to Lion makes me love her a million times over.

6. Amazing Greis is someone who I am lucky enough to have met. She’s sweet and funny and doesn’t blog nearly enough. Except for her football picks, which I think she’ll stop doing very soon. Ha. She super loves her dog too. He’s cute but with those big ole ears, I always want to rename him Gizmo.

7. Tania at Chicky Chicky Baby is one of those people I have read for years. For some reason though, I rarely comment over there and she may have no idea who I am. (Although I have a vague memory that we did meet at the Cheeseburger party.) Occasionally I send a funny tweet her way. She’s a great writer, one who I hope comes back to it more this year.

8. Matthew at Childsplayx2 is the reason I blog. (Blame him for my ramblings.) That’s enough reason right there, for him to be on my list. However, he’s a great writer…he puts me to shame. Matthew is my oldest blog friend. I adore him, even though I do tease him all the time. The greatest thing he ever said to me was at BlogHer this summer. He said: You are like the annoying little sister, I always knew, I never wanted. Warmed my heart, truly.

9. Heather at Domestic Extradordinaire is one of those people you wish lived near you. She is sweet, kind and funny. She is a good friend. Also, she is a FABULOUS photographer. Her pictures make me weep some days, they are that amazing.

10. Emmie is another person I wish I had tons of time to spend with. She is awesome. I adore her. She’s a great writer. Really. You should go check her out at Life Behind the Curve. Maybe it will keep her blogging more.

11. Christina at Fairly Odd Mother is not as odd as she thinks she is. I’ve met her, so I feel confidant in my statement. Although she does name her vacuums…but I can’t fault her in that, since I do it as well. Really, Roombas need to be named. She home schools three crazy kids and made chicken nuggets and french fries for Christmas, both of which makes her my hero. She blogs when she wants and how she wants, which I love about her.

12. The lovely Kari at I left my heart at preschool is mis-leading you in her title. Truth is, she leaves part of her heart at kindergarten each day. I swear, some people. Her title should include the words Flappy in it, but I’ll leave her to explain that one to you. LOL. Kari is my friend and she deserves props for that alone. She was my personal bodyguard at BlogHer, which is good because I needed one. She is another person who I wish lived next door too me…although I think I’d miss some appointments because of her. I love her, even though she’s ditching me tomorrow night for some silly family celebration. Can’t understand where the girls priorities are.

13. I don’t know if Insta-mom will be blogging any time soon. She’s a mom to four boys, including a set of toddler twins; a full time high school teacher and basically has no time to write to read anything that isn’t for school right now. But she’s my friend and I adore her, so I’ll keep her site in my reader forever. She is a wonderful writer and if you’ve never been over there, her archives are worth the visit alone.

14. You all know who Anymommy is right? It seems like everyone knows who she is. However, she never manages to make the big lists, despite the fact that she’s one of the best writers I know. It doesn’t matter what Stacey writes about, she has no less than 50 comments per post. Even when I have nothing I have to say to her, I still comment. She can make me laugh and weep in the same post. It’s an honor to read her. Her words are like poetry. I’m going to remind her when she’s a big famous writer, that I knew her when she was a big not yet famous writer.

15. Tracey at Just Another Mommy Blog is a newer find of mine. I met her for the first time at BlogHer and I’m so glad I did. She’s funny, sweet, entertaining and a little bit crazy. Sorry, but I think that about anyone who home schools. I am not that brave. I’d kill Morgan. That’s all their is too it. She has lived to see eight years old, because I send her to school each day.

16. MommyGeekology, also known as Cat is someone I adore. She’s a great friend. She will write about ANYTHING which I love her for. Again, I am not that brave. She has two tiny girls, a husband, a full time job, a crazy family and she designs blogs on the side. However, she never seems to be too busy for me or my very lame, silly, I don’t know, maybe can we add this to my blog, questions. She doesn’t even laugh at my absolute stupidity when it comes to anything code. She’s just plain awesome.

17. The lovely Maggie at, Okay, Fine, Dammit is another blogger that everyone should know about. Her personal site is like reading the best unwritten autobiography ever. She also gives victim’s a chance to find their voice over at Violence UnSilenced. For that she deserves every award I could throw at her. But I have none to give. Just this list.

18. Sarah and the Goon Squad may have been on a list somewhere. Sarah writes at I don’t, 12 different blogs maybe? Just a guess. She is someone who I re-found a few months ago. One of the bloggers who I used to read back in the day. (I love saying that, like four years ago, was so long ago.) She is the mom to five year old boy/girl twins, she is a writer at the amazing MamaPop (if you haven’t read them before, go check out her Top Chef recaps, they are better than the actual show most of the time), she is a football fanatic and I’m pretty sure she could drink me under the table in five minutes flat. She definitely makes my list.

19. & 20. Andrea has two blogs, so she gets two numbers. The first is The Sweet Life, where she writes about her amazing daughters Alison and Blythe. The other is the blog a lot of us wish we could have, the one where we just write the thoughts in our head. The darker things that a lot of us won’t write on our family/personal blogs. It’s called Walking the Tightrope. I love it and I love her.

21. Kirsten…gah, I adore the girl. She blogs at The Norwidians. She’s the mom to seven year old twin girls and a crazy little four year old boy. She hasn’t written much in December (not that I am one to talk) because she did that crazy NOBLOWPOPS thing in November. I could not adore her more if I tried and I get to have dinner with her tomorrow night, which makes me want to squeeeeee, even though she hates when I do that.

22. Undomestic Diva is one of those people you are sure is the life of every party. It’s true…I’ve met her. She’s sarcastic, witty, charming, sometimes crude and an amazingly funny friend. She is the only person I know who goes to Starbucks more than me. Megan blogs about the three wild boys she gave birth too and the one she married; the crazy, Holy Christian Loves Jesus Praise the Lord Preschool (HCLJPLP) that her boys go too; and anything else that strikes her in any given moment. She gives cooking advice, which no one should take. EVER. Less you don’t like your kitchen being in one piece. She is a sweetheart, truly. This is the most amazing video of all time and Megan is responsible for it.

23. Denise at Eat Play Love is one of those people who I can’t believe I still haven’t met. We live like 35 miles from each other. One day, it will happen. Denise blogs about her girls, her traveling husband, cupcakes that I want to eat and her great organic, non plastic crap toy finds.

24. Gray Matter (whose name I know, but am not sure she publishes) is a newer find of mine. She is a mom to one son. She’s awesome. Someone I’d love to meet one day. She writes about anything it seems: sex, her son, television stars who shouldn’t be stars, crazy people at the gym. Anything.

25. Lu at Jaded Perspective is a great writer and a great friend. She is jaded, I’ll give her that, but she’s more normal than anyone else would be given some of the things that have happened in her life. She’s a mom to one tiny cute little dude named Mason. She is also one of my favorite people on Twitter, because she often tweets while drugged. Sounds worse than it is, she’s had major surgery this year. But still, she cracks me up often.

26. Karen Sugarpants probably is on a ton of lists. If she’s not, she should be. But I adore her and her writing, so she’s getting on mine too. She’s amazing, that’s all their is to it. She makes me think, in a way that few bloggers can. She’s real and sweet and dam funny.

27. I adore Cindy at PooBou and I really shouldn’t add her on here, for the simple fact that she is in IRELAND right now and I’m not. But I love her. I love how she writes about her life and her daughter Catie. She makes the cut, despite that Ireland thing.

28. Everyone should follow a Princess. Mine is Princess Jenn. She’s another person who will write about anything, even if it will offend some people. She’s great at dispensing advice, assvise and ass kickings. All things that every Princess should be good at.

29. Sam from Temporarily Me takes more breaks than Rachel and Ross on Friends. However, I love her despite it. Sam talks about motherhood in a way that is raw and very real and I always relate to it. She’s a talented writer and possibly makes some of the other lists as well. Or she would if she blogged more than ONCE a month. Ahem.

30. Bridget writes at The Ivey League. I met her this summer and I adore her. She writes sweet letters to her kids and random other things. She is also a great photographer. I want to steal the photos she puts up. Her kids are adorable and funny. Her youngest has these cheeks that I just want to eat.

31. Marinka NYC. Every list needs Marinka on it. I think it’s law. She is a funny and talented writer. One day, when she’s all famous, I plan on stalking her. I’ll be able too, because I know what she looks like in person. Also, she is  absolutely huggable. She loves hugs. Really.

ps. I’m sure I missed some of you. For that, I’m sorry. I was going to do 50 bloggers and I’m sure I could have…but I got kinda tired. Love you, even if you didn’t make the list. I promise to add you all to my next list.

Drlori Asked: How does one know something tastes like shit? Have they tasted shit? What do you think is the most annoying kid’s show on television?

Issa’s assvice: Interesting. Very interesting. I don’t know why people say that honestly. I’ve said it for years. I’ve also been asked for years, by smart asses such as yourself, how I know what shit tastes like.  LOL. I think it’s more fun to say than, this tastes really bad. Shit, is the worst people can come up with as visual word. Visual people, like using visual words.

TV show? Dora. Hands down. I hate her voice. I banned it from my house, way back when Morgan was a toddler. No joke, Bailey and Harrison will NEVER see it here.

Avasmommy Asked: Why people, when confronted with something that stinks, always wants someone else to smell it too?

Issa’s assvice: They want conformation that they are correct? They are unsure? Sometimes they are being lazy and didn’t really smell it. Sometimes they are being jerks and want to make you gag too. Depends on the person, day and mood. Basically? Human beings are weird.

Sara 3 is enough – Overpopulation – i.e. the show, 18 and Counting on TLC. (She was giving me a suggestion about a post. I’d asked on Twitter.)

Issa’s assvice: Those people are insane. INSANE!!!!! I will say one thing for them though…their kids appear to be healthy and happy. Some people can’t say that about families with two kids. I give them props for that. They have managed to raise their kids, completely without government assistance, which makes them A-Okay in my book. Yes, they have choosen to be on a TV show. However, having 18 kids makes you a spectacle everywhere you go, so you may as well let the world know who you are. Plus, hai, that is them supporting their kids.

My real problem with them, is all the dang J names. I mean, they could have used most of the alphabet by now. After the forth kid, they could have switched to a new letter for four more kids and so on. I don’t care to watch the show, although I have seen it. When I do,  I spend the entire time, renaming their kids. I may have a slight name problem.

Amber asked: What should I get the co-worker whose name I drew for Christmas… $15 min.

Issa’s assvice: a gift card to Starbucks or Jamba Juice. May seem like a cop out, but most people like to pick their own scents in candles or body stuff. Plus, who needs more of that crap? This way, they will be happy and you can buy yourself a drink when you get the card. Congratulate yourself for not going into a mall, or buying a gift that will be re-gifted next year, or thrown our during a move. Trust me. No one needs more sugar cookie scented candles.

Sweet life – Underwear. (For the life of me, I don’t remember what it was about underwear that she wanted to know. Sorry Dre.)

Issa’s assvice: Um…please wear them. If you don’t, please don’t announce it. That is one of those things best left unsaid.

Pamela asked: What should I get my husband? Get laid coupons?

Issa’s assvice: You could. If you are that nice. Personally I recommend a video game. There is a lot less work involved for you. Plus? They always use those coupons in the WORST moments. Like when you are sick, crampy, dying and want to murder them.

Heather asked: I want the #s to the winning lottery ticket. Can you make that happen? you know, BEFORE they draw the #s?

Issa’s assvice:  Sure. Anything for my peeps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 5. What? Those don’t sound like winning numbers to you? Try it, then yell at me.

GreenInOC asked: I need a gender neutral white elephant gift. Budget is $75.00.

Issa’s assvice: I have no idea. I have a white Eeyore from a few years ago. I hate to outsource my brilliance here, but I’m just not quite this good today. Try asking the lovely ladies at Cool Mom Picks. Truly, I’ve known Kristen and Liz over there for years. If it exists, they may have had it on their site. Heck, it was probably even organic or handmade.

Kari asked: What is the most important lesson you have learned in your life?

Issa’s assvice: DUDE KARI! Could you not have asked me a harder question? Like how to create world peas? I will give you the smart ass answer and I will beg your forgiveness, because it’d take me weeks to figure out the real one right now. Smart ass answer is: That my TWITTER NAME will not be said in an airport and I should listen for my name, while waiting for a flight. Ahem.

Bridget asked: Why is it so damn hard to find Christmas decorations that I like? A better question might be: Why am I so damn picky?

Issa’s assvice: I think, my lovely friend that you answered your own question. You are too picky. I can tell you what I do though. I find one a year for each of the kids. Generally at Hallmark, or the Lennox ones from Macy’s. Expensive but very awesome. Try for a couple, instead of wanting a ton. It adds up to a nice collection over time. On the why are you so picky? Meh, you are a woman. It’s in our DNA.

Thanks for playing along everyone. Issa’s assvice is officially closed.

There are lots of things I could write about today. My kids have done/said some funny things this week, which I want to document and share at some point. The fact that it seems like my house is going to be the party house at Christmas. Seriously, we keep telling more people they can stay. Where, I don’t know, but I’ll find them all floor space. I could tell you about my fear of today, my fears about marriage counseling, my fear that it is worse than I said, worse than I even know.

However, I can’t stop thinking about Anissa long enough, to tell any of that to you. Which may be a good thing. I went to bed last night thinking about Anissa and I woke up this morning just praying for some good news. It took a few hours, but there has been an update. Each time there is an update, my heart speeds up for a minute or two. My stomach drops. It is scary to click over and see what it is, but I can’t seem to do it fast enough. Anyway, you probably all know this already.

I am not sure how exactly I found Anissa’s blog. I actually found her blog before I friended her on Twitter.  I’m sure it was through AMomTwoBoys or Mamaspohr somehow. It doesn’t really matter. I know I’m been reading over there (first at her old blog and then the new one) for about a year. I *may* have read a ton of her archives, before I ever even bothered to say hi. What? Stalkers can be cool right? Right? It was on Twitter where we started talking. I am a smart ass, she is a funnier smart ass. The woman cracks me up. Almost every single tweet she writes is funny. No joke.

When I was thinking about who I wanted to meet at BlogHer, Anissa was high on that list. She is friendly, funny and super freaking cool. The kind of girl you hope will say hi to you. I wasn’t sure I’d get the chance too, seeing how I knew how many people wanted to meet her. I also knew she was doing more extra things than anyone could have possibly had time for.

I got lucky. The first person I saw when I got to the hotel was her. Heck, I hadn’t even made it in the door of the lobby when I saw her. I was showing up and she was about to leave on some adventure. I knew she’d have no idea who I was if I didn’t say something, so I did. I went and introduced myself and got the biggest bewb hug in return for it. She has no idea of any of this, but in that moment, as I had ridden to the hotel I thought I’d made a huge mistake in going. I wanted to turn around and go home. Hugging Anissa and having her tell me she was thrilled to meet me, made me think, dam I can do this. I will be okay here, I CAN do this. I saw her a few more times, but we only talked for a few minutes here and there. Each time her voice sounded scratchier and hoarser. By the end of the weekend, I told her she sounded like the smoker sisters on The Simpsons.

Every time I log into Gmail, I see her name. On the sidebar, it shows who is online to chat. I don’t think Anissa had logged out, because her name has been there for the last two days. Anissa Mayhew it says. Underneath her name it says, jumping the shark. It shows a orange dot, which is generally the I am not here, but am logged in, color dot. Yesterday it made me sad. I had the fight the urge to click on it and say hi all day. Today it’s comforting. She is there, in my Gmail. Her name is there. She may not be there now, she may not be there for a long time. But she’s there in my heart. That is a sign, at least to me.

Anissa, I miss seeing your tweets. I’d give anything to have you show up, so I can make stupid jokes about it being Eat Moar Kittehs Friday tomorrow. Keep fighting sweetie. We’re all here pulling for you. Praying for you. Loving you.