When you are three and a few months…
You can tell a roomful of family at a birthday dinner that you are allowed to touch your penis in your room only. Not at the table. In your mind, they all needed to know this. They will all laugh.
You will ask for apple sauce, have a tantrum about not wanting apple sauce and then eat the apple sauce all while your mother looks at you still trying to decide what to say.
You think that the red car with the smiling teeth grill is a real car from Cars. You will then proceed to tell everyone you see that you saw the real life Lightening McQueen.
You will teach your baby cousin to “say his name” even though you’ve somehow forgotten that Baby G’s real name isn’t Baby G.
You will Tebow everywhere because your daddy taught you how. Everyone will think it’s funny. Even when done at the grocery store and someone nearly runs you over. You get a pass for being three and cute.
When you are seven and a half…
You will read The Tale of Despereaux and then watch the movie and want to discuss the differences at great length. Your mother will find this amazing and tell all of your grandparents.
You will get grouchy at your mother for not managing to stay awake for this boring beyond boring of all movies on any viewing. But hey, she’ll still gladly discuss the slightly less boring book at great length with you.
You will come home each day with stories of who lost teeth today. You will yet again ask if you are the only person in the world who will forever have baby teeth. The answer of course is yes and then you’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for only adult with all baby teeth.
You make the Harry Potter Knight Bus out of Legos and then take it apart to do it again, at least twice a week.
You claim that every food in the world is inedible. There is rumor that you live off air and jokes. The only food you want at any given meal is either one we are just now out of or possibly one that doesn’t yet exist.
You tell better original jokes than most high paid comedians.
When you are ten…
You yell at your siblings if they even look at your perfectly built Hogwarts Lego creation. You’d never consider taking it apart. It was a one time deal that you plan on enjoying looking at forever.
You take up texting. Or more technically iMessage. You will text both of your parents non-stop. (Or what feels like non-stop to them.) Even when sitting on the couch next to them. It’s cute. In a, sort of getting old, way.
You figure out how to add a signature to your texts, which neither of your parents know how to do. You change it on a day to day basis, depending on your mood. For example, yesterdays signature was: I’d like a kitten. Texts tend to look like this: Hi! I’d like a kitten. What are you doin? I’d like a kitten. Mommy can you change the chanel? I’d like a kitten. Can I watch Idol? I’d like a kitten.
You decide to learn to bake. Muffins are your current favorite.
You will sob when your favorite skier passes away from a head injury. This was the first time a hero of yours has died and it has made you incredibly sad. It’s a first that I wish I could have protected you from. Thankfully it has not made you fear skiing.
You will one day announce that it’s high time Harrison learns to read. The fact that he just turned three and still screams each time someone makes him blow his nose makes no difference. You are going to be the one to teach him. What follows is a lot of entertaining attempts at getting him to look at the letter and word cards that you have made up. He in turn makes them into weird ramps for his cars. This will be a process.
When you are thirty one…
You will want to hug every single person on the entire Internet for their kind words this past week.
You will laugh hysterically at an ill placed hanging fairy during a procedure.
You will tell the nurse when she asks you to tell her if it’s uncomfortable, how about I tell you if it hurts…because we are way past uncomfortable now. I mean see where you are and the entire army of medical instruments up my…yeah. Stopping now. Uncomfortable. She did laugh though.
You will decide to quit coffee cold turkey. Not because you don’t love coffee, because oh you adore coffee, but because in the moment you know it’s the right thing to do. Even after the headache starts you won’t give in…because some things are more important than a cup of coffee.
You buy Girl Scout cookies from the cute six year old girl at the door on general principal. You don’t even like GS cookies, but a few boxes now reside in your cupboard.
You will finally delete the six posts sitting in draft form. If they weren’t worthy then, they surely aren’t now.
You will thank everyone who still comes and reads here 600 posts later.
7 CommentsPlease note that I stole this idea from Jodifur. Hey, at least I ask before I steal post ideas.
It’s come to my attention that the remainder of this year is going to be COMPLETELY INSANE, so I believe it’s time to post and call an end to my posting for 2011. I promise I’ll be back in January. Hopefully with some changes around here. Anyway, before I show you my favorite posts of this year, I thought I’d wish you all a wonderful holiday. Whether that is Chanukah, Christmas, Winter Solstice, Kwansa or just New Years, I hope you enjoy it. Whatever you celebrate, I wish you health and happiness for the remainder of this year.
In January, I made a goal to remember the good in this year. To count my blessings and try not to be such a pessimist. It’s a goal, I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to accomplish over time.
In February, I found out that I have PCOS. It’s changed my life in many ways and I’ll be honest, it’s not all bad. It’s nice to know that certain medical things in my past had reasons. It’s made me less hard on myself. I also love this post about enjoying the small things in my kids lives. Days go so fast and some days, I do wish for a second Sunday.
While writing this post on my step-mom was hard in March, it also led me back to therapy to deal with a few things that I thought I’d let go of. It’s nice to say now, that I have let go of a few issues. It’s helped make this a better year for me. I’ll never forget things that happened when I was a kid, however I don’t have to let it color my world any longer.
April brought my 500th post, which I chose to write for my best friend Liz. I love her even more now than I did then, so I’m glad I gave her that milestone post. April also came with big decisions about the brother I’ll probably never know. I am confident in my decision. Finally, there was the list I made to insure the kids and I had a great summer. I am thrilled to say, I managed to accomplish my goals.
In May, I head great news about Morgan’s future in fifth grade. I have to say, she’s had a phenomenal school year. Her teacher is amazing. We owe her so much. Luckily, because my kids go to a charter school, Morgan will have her next year as well! I also told you all about my lunch date with my dad.
Parenting isn’t always easy, as I realized yet again in June. Making the hard choices is something I am willing to do though. A part of June, I’d rather forget but never will is when the evil clown ate my blog. I’m still thankful to Jenna for fixing it. Also in a funnier post, I shared some text messages I get. Even now, they crack me up.
In July, I got off my anti-depressants after four years. There have been times when I wondered if I could stay off of them. But we’re halfway through December and I can honestly say, I’m doing great right now. On the 18th, my Bailey turned seven. She is one of my very favorite people in this world.
On a random day in August, I wrote about my step-dad for no real reason. Just because I love him. I also went to BH11 and my BFF trip. It was one of the greatest weeks in my year.
September was a harder month for me. I’d rather not re-visit it, except for this one tiny thing. My baby boy turned three. He’s so very three and I adore him for it. Most of the time.
In October I celebrated making it through the first year of divorce. A strange thing to celebrate, yes maybe. However, in my quest to change how I think, I had to look at the bad, to remember the good.
In November, I did quite a few things that scare me. It was a hard month emotionally, but luckily I came out okay on the other side.
December has been very busy. I’m loving ever second of it. For the first time in a long time, I’m truly happy. My baby girl turned ten and had an amazing party. I’m looking forward to everything that we have planned for the next two weeks.
My wish for all of you is a wonderful next few weeks. I’ll see you in 2012.
Love, Issa
At dinner last night, I brought up the subject of Halloween costumes. I tend to wait until the last moment to do this, because certain members of this household change their mind 2222 times. Here’s the current costume ideas:
Morgan: A vampire fairy. A very specific, very expensive (trust me) vampire costume that she must have found at drainmom’sbankaccount dot com. I did however agree to buy it, so just call me sucker. The costume is gorgeous and comes complete with crown (Hence the fairy piece. Don’t ask. The girl is odd.) and two pointy teeth that you somehow glue on. Also purchased by the sucker that is me, is a pair of black boots to go with it. She will look like a model in it, because she always does, even when in PJ’s. The girl just has that gift. She will insist on make-up before school and some insane hair-do and then make me re-do it again before she goes Trick or Treating. If it’s somehow not all perfect? She will make Halloween hell for everyone until the last second before I threaten to not let her go out and then she will be an angel.
Bailey: Has no clue what she wants to be, despite talking about it for six months. Maybe an Angry Bird. Maybe a corncob. Possibly a bloody surgeon. She in no way wants to make a decision until probably Halloween morning, three minutes before we leave for school. Which in all likely hood means, she will wear whatever she can scrounge together in the play room. Which works out well for her every dang year. She will not care or be sad about this at all. In fact, every time someone compliments her choice she will act like she thought of it months ago. Also? FREEEEE! She will be a joy all day. Because she ADORES holidays, no matter what they are. She will compliment every child under five on how cute they are and will tell random teens how beautiful they look while out that night.
Harrison: He debated for a bit between Buzz Lightyear and Iron Man and then at Children’s Place last weekend saw a skeleton shirt and decided that he’d be a “scawy Skewatin” for Halloween. His costume? That shirt, black pants (which we own) and a bit of face paint. Easy and cheap. He will be a sugar crazed nightmare by noon the day of. He won’t nap because of excitement and he will likely throw six fits. However, he will be the first to thank everyone he sees. He will be the most charming sweet skeleton around.
What are your kids going to be? Anyone else still debating?
It makes it so much more fun.
WARNING: This is a post full of TMI. If you are at all squeamish, please pass and come back on Monday.
This was my night last night. To say I am exhausted, is an understatement. I was already exhausted by an insane work week. But this took it to a whole new level. Has anyone invented the coffee IV drip yet?
Here we go -
8pm: Get all kids in bed. Harrison had puked oh five times throughout the day. (Starting at Daycare at 2ish.) Bailey wasn’t feeling good. Morgan felt GREAT MOM!
8:30pm: Contemplate Lysoling myself. Decide instead to just Lysol all bathrooms, all light fixtures, door handles and ALL the air.
9pm: Decide I should go to bed to, you know, hopefully get some sleep.
10pm: Get up and realize I started my period. Well that explains some things. Also? YAY my body for doing things early for once!
11:12pm – 11:42pm: wake up to a puking screeching Harrison. He apparently freaked himself out puking in bed…although puking doesn’t normally make him scream. Change boy. Change sheets. Put out more towels and bucket. Take his Temp, decide it’s not high enough to give Motrin. Go back to bed.
1:33am: Wake up to a puking Bailey. Thankfully she managed to make it into the bathroom. Sadly puking makes her weepy. Bring her into bed with me.
2:12 – 4am. The girl literally puked every 20 minutes. We at some point stopped going back to the bed. I pulled the rocking chair out of Harrison”s room and we sat in the hallway, right outside the bathroom.
4:10am – Give feverish Bailey Motrin, go to bed.
4:56am – Wake up to feverish Harrison climbing into bed with me. Give more Motrin, pray for no puke.
6:35am – Alarm goes off. Curse at alarm. Both Harrison and Bailey have fevers. No more puke.
7:25am – Morgan swears to me she is perfectly fine and MUST GO TO SCHOOL. Only eats two bites of cereal.
8:10am – Rolling my eyes the entire way, I drive to the school.
8:15am – Morgan starts sobbing about how I can’t leave her because she now doesn’t feel good. I can’t get her to stop sobbing until I try Stacey’s hand holding trick, which works wonders.
9:00am – Decide to write post about puke. Because well this is a parenting blog right?
9:08am – Jump twelve feet in the air when my cell phone rings. Realize that less than 3 hours sleep is going to make this a very, very long day. As it stands now, Morgan is whimpering on the couch. The little two are laying on the other couch. There has been no more puke…but I know it’s coming.
Today’s post brought to you by exhausted me, Despicable Me on Blu-Ray and Motrin. All of which I purchased myself.
My bud,
Today** is your birthday. Today you are three. When I close my eyes, I see you as a tiny nerborny. You were the best newborn. Truly. I see the big ears that made everyone laugh. I see the dark curly hair that eventually fell out and came back blond and straight. I see my roly-poly cuddly boy.
Then I open my eyes and I see you as you are today. Big and strong. Full of words and stories. Opinionated and stubborn as all get out. Sweet and cuddly. The funniest little dude I know.
I like both realities. I love the you from then and I adore the you from now. Each day, you surprise me. Every day I love you more than the last, which I didn’t even think could be possible.
You want to be a baseball player when you grow up. You do not understand why you are not grown up enough to play now. After months of fighting me, you decided being potty trained was cool with you. All it took was a week with grandpa, peeing on trees. We moved out of the Cars phase and straight into the Toy Story phase. Luckily this one isn’t an obsession. You’ve finally learned to sit long enough to realize that you loved books. You love nothing more to help me do something. Anything.
You are big. Very big. All boy and no more baby. Just remember that to me? You will always still be a tiny bit of a boy to your mom.
Happy birthday my bud. I love you to the moon and back.
-Mama
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Cuddled in bed…
My bud can’t you just stay two and tiny like this forever?
No mama, I tant.
Why not buddy?
*heavy sigh* I has to get SO MUCH BIGGER mama, so I be a ball pwayer.
Ah yes. I see. Baseball.
Baseball bery bery important mama.
**********************
To pretty much everyone we saw on Saturday:
Today my birfday. Tomorrow my birfday too. I have wots of birfdays.
*******************
I just need sum wuvin mama.
********************
At the park, pointing to the prairie dogs in the field:
Mama, wookit at all those pop dogs.
**Half written yesterday…I just neglected to finish it. Yesterday, Harrison turned three.
The longer I go without writing the easier it gets. At the same time, the longer I go without writing the more I miss it. It’s a weird thing. I don’t want to stop writing. For me, not writing means I’m not talking. That’s never a good thing for me. At the same time, I don’t know what to say.
Confused yet? That’s okay, I am too. Maybe I’ll try and tell you all what’s been going on. We’ll take it from there. I’ll get back to writing in this space soon. I need it. It may just take me a bit to find my sea legs again.
I haven’t been on Twitter in two days. I miss it. At the same time, I’ve gotten a shit load of stuff done this weekend. I’ve been to IKEA (finally) and The Container Store. I organized bathrooms and cleaned my house. I baked a cherry pie and threw out a ton of junk. I’ve read two books and finally managed to watch some of the shows sitting there mocking me on my DVR. All in all I’ve had a decent weekend.
I’ve made a giant decision that will change my life forever. I’m thrilled with it. It may just take me awhile to be willing to share. I will eventually. I promise. I’m just not there yet.
Harrison is fully potty trained. Unfortunately he finds peeing on trees to be way too fun. Last Friday he peed on a tree at daycare. Yeah. He’s such a boy. The funniest thing is that his dad had this HUGE talk with him about not doing that and then took him camping for three days…where he peed on more trees.
My tiny, yet not tiny boy is turning three this month. Something I can’t quite imagine. (Although he’s been telling people he was three since his cousin turned three in July.) How did he get to be three years old already? I am relinquishing control this year and letting his dad throw the party. All I have to do it show up. It’s weird, but it will work out just fine.
The girls started school a few weeks ago. They are both seriously loving their teachers this year. It always makes me laugh when they raise their hands to ask me something.
That’s what I know right now. I hope you are all doing well.
Last night was the final day of summer. It was also the first day of school for Morgan and Bailey. I am now the mother of fifth and second graders. I’m not sure exactly how that happened, but it did anyway.
Last night was one of those magical evenings. The kind that only seem to happen in the summer. 15 random family members and a few random friends all gathered at a Frozen yogurt place at dusk. Where I’d normally have been getting my kids ready for bed, I was letting them choose their own flavors and add toppings. We all sat outside on the curb and ate frozen yogurt and watched lightening in the distance. For and hour and a half, time stopped. For that hour and a half, it was still summer. Bedtimes didn’t matter, crazy toddlers doing break dancing on concrete didn’t matter. There was no homework to do or baths to take. No one was sad about the two going off to college the following morning. We all got lost in that moment. It was magical.
On the way home, the kids and I tried to list all the great things we did this summer. Movies we saw, trips we took, small fun activities that made it fun. It was a long list. They added things I’d forgotten I’d done. Having it given back to me in list form was neat. It made me realize that my goal of doing this summer right, happened. Even though I had to work all summer and the kids were in daycare/camp all summer, we still had a great summer. I made it happen.
We’ve been to the mountains twice. I painted the inside of my house. The kids have been camping in Wyoming and seen half of Chicago. We’ve bought cupcakes and made cupcakes on many occasions. We’ve been to the park late in the evening and been the only ones playing on swings. We’ve had movie dates and movie parties at the house. We’ve gone to cosmic bowling and black light mini golf. We’ve been to amusement parks and museums. I went to BlogHer and to LA for a BFF trip. I’ve cooked on the grill all summer and my house has been full of summer fruit and ice cream for months. For the first time in years, I hosted the 4th of July. We’ve had ice cream for dinner on more than one occasion and made breakfast for dinner a regular occurrence. We’ve played with glow in the dark sidewalk chalk and I’ve perfected cherry pie. This past weekend, we even went to our first Rockies Game.
This has been a great summer. I’ve had a good time and my kids have had an even better time. This may have been the best summer in years. So Fall? Bring it. We’re ready. Summer is in our bones. We’ve enjoyed every second and we’re ready for whatever’s next.
I used to have a few of those Guinness records books when I was a kid. My brother and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. We marveled over the strongest man and the woman with the most children ever. We wondered if tree mans mom had done it with an oak tree somehow and we talked about how weird it would be to be short enough to walk under peoples chairs. The lady with the longest hair always made me cringe. Can you imagine having to brush that?
Hours were spent pouring over this book. Medical marvels. Greatest feats. Scientifically odd. Facts.
I always did like facts.
After a time, I stopped looking in that book. I knew all of it. I never really thought about it again. Until last weekend, when Morgan saw it and wanted it at Barnes & Noble. Of course it’s the newest version. The 2011 version with “thousands” of new facts. Not some weird 1989 copy that I’d had for years. I wasn’t going to buy it for her. It seemed like a waste of money. But then…I remembered sitting with my brother for hours in the backseat of a car, giggling over the weirdness. Who am I to not give that to my children?
Last night as they laughed at the woman with the longest nails and discussed the largest star, I thought, hey this is kinda cool. I am passing on something good. Something besides a love for cooking and design shows. They are learning something and having a good time. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Then Bailey got mad at Harrison and smacked him with the book. But hey, things happen right?
Am I the only one who loved this crazy stuff? I can’t be, right? Not with the amount of shows on TLC and Discovery channel.
ps. I wrote a post over HERE, if you are interested.
I feel like I was better at this the last time. Maybe I was. Maybe my girls were easier to potty training. All I know, is we’ve only been at this for three days and I’m pretty sure I’m failing at it.
Do I care if he goes to kindergarten in diapers? I am really starting to think no.
My reasoning for starting now was simple. Diapers are expensive. I’m tired of buying diapers. It’s finally getting warmer and I’d like to get this done during a non-layer time of year. I also realized that soon I’m going to have to start buying size 6 diapers for my monster baby and that is just sad. Size 6. That’s as high as they go right? Do you know that I never had to buy size 5 before him? My girls are teeny. They were also both potty trained right at 2 years old.
But here’s this boy. My boy. Boy of a thousand words and ideas. He speaks better than some of the 3 year olds at his school. The same boy who tells me that he is a big boy mama, but my too tiny for dat. Dat of course is using the potty. He’s funny. He won’t use the potty or sleep in a big boy bed, yet he will ride a skateboard, jump off all of my furniture and most of the time refuses to use a cup with a lid. He gave up binkies a few months back, with almost no work on my part. But he refuses to sleep in a big boy bed. He’s an enigma.
On Friday I brought out the big guns. Basically I bought bribes. Stickers for peeing; matchbox cars for pooping. I even bought the dreaded Play-doh (big sets of it even) for a reward for a full day spent dry. Man I hate Play-doh. Yet, he loves it and wants it. When he’s completely potty trained? I promised him a Cars Power Wheels. I printed out the photo of it and put it on his bedroom door. Like I said, big guns.
Friday night we talked about it. He was excited about the big boy underwears. Thank you Cars and Toy Story. Saturday morning, he was less sure. No, my stay diaps mama. No bud, no more diapers. I was a bit less sure too, considering we had to go sit through a graduation that morning. Luckily it was at the girls school, so I knew exactly where every bathroom was. I brought extra clothes and I made him try to pee every 45 minutes.
Then we went to a party. We were there all afternoon. Like I said, I’m rusty at this…I forgot about potty training. Mama, I pwee. Oh yeah dude, looks like you did. Oops. No biggie. Change of pants, all was good. Till he did it again, an hour later. Right after he’d been on the dam potty.
Saturday there were three accidents. Harrison – 3. Mommy – 0.
Sunday went okay at first. We ran errands just fine. Then we got home and he peed in my kitchen. Hey, my floor needed to be cleaned anyway.
Sunday: Harrison – 4. Mommy – 0.
This morning he’s already peed his pants once. It’s not looking good.
Sometimes when he tells me he needs to go he doesn’t. Sometimes he does. When I make him go, it’s the same thing. But I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if he really knows when he needs to go, or not. All I know is, I took four pairs of underwear and pants to daycare this morning. They were thrilled that I’d started this. I doubt they will be thrilled to change his pants all day. They at least are better at this than I am.
So tell me Internet, what am I doing wrong? Is my son the only kid going to college in a diaper?
I write these down, because I want to remember. I want to remember a peaceful, easy weekend away with my kids.
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Harrison sitting in the backseat of the car on the way into the mountains. He had a half hour, non-stop animated conversion with the Cinnamon Teddy Grahams he was eating. “No eat me. I eat you. You yummy. No pwease, no eat me. Okay you safe. I keep you safe. Hahaha. Now I eat you. No, no, I no bad guy. Yummy ears. Nom nom nom.”
(If he’s a cannibal later, at least I’ll know when it started.)
**************
Bailey: Mommy, you know what my favorite-ist part of this weekend was?
Me: No love, what was it?
Bailey: Getting to eat all the gummies. (I have an I don’t care attitude about candy/snacks on holidays and road trips.)
Me: Out of the whole weekend, out of everything we did, your favorite part was eating gummy candies the whole car ride up there?
Bailey: Yes.
Me: Well good to know. Next time I want to go on vacation, I’ll just buy you some gummies and call it good.
Bailey: Wait no mommy. I have one more favorite.
Me: Okay then, lemme hear it.
Bailey: Renaming stars with you in the hot tub.
Me: Much better babe. Much better.
Bailey: But the gummies tie.
Me: I’m so glad to know I so rank high next to sour gummy worms. It makes my heart feel all special.
Bailey: It should. They are so good mommy. Can I have more?
Me: No.
**************
Morgan: Mom what is this road called?
Me: I don’t know. It’s a number. I’m sure I should know, but I don’t.
Morgan: I am gonna rename this road.
Me: Oh yeah?
Morgan: Yeps. It’s now called mommy almost hit three deers road.
Me: Dude. I almost hit one deer. Not three.
Morgan: Those other two were in the road too.
Me: Like three football fields away. Doesn’t count. They ran off.
Morgan: Mom? I stand by my decision. You almost hit three innocent deer.
Me: They aren’t innocent. Did you see how they almost hit my poor sweet car?
Morgan: Mom, you are so wrong. The deer are the innocent ones. Your car was driving way too fast, like over the speed limit by 8 whole miles and if it hit one, they’d be toast.
Me: Well technically, they’d be more like deer kabobs.
Morgan: MOTHER!
Me: It’s true. They are a menace to society anyway. Freaking partying in the middle of the road deer.
Morgan: *eye roll* Whatever mom. This road has a new improved, very true name.
Me: I’ll be sure to let highway patrol know that.
Morgan: Okay good. It’s settled.
******************
We flew kites. Or well we attempted to fly kites. Ever try kite flying in 30mph winds? Yeah, I’m not sure I recommend it. They look like they are having a seizure up there.
The girls and I sat in a hot tub and renamed stars late on Saturday night. There is nothing better than sitting in a hot tub on a deck at night, in a mountain neighborhood without street lights. You can see everything.
We ate ice cream on a bench in the sunshine. Harrison ate his on a cone for the first time ever.
We sang all the way home in the car.
On Mother’s day, we went out to breakfast. Best breakfast spot in all of Colorado. Too bad it’s four hour drive from my house.
This weekend, the fighting was pretty much non-existent. This weekend, there was next to no whining. This weekend, there was no housework, no dog barking and no errands to run. It was a good weekend. No, it was a great weekend. One I hope to remember.
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
