Did you know you could use breadcrumbs for more than just making meatballs?
I didn’t. Not until yesterday. Seriously. My best friends are still laughing at me, I’m pretty sure. I was shocked to learn it has other uses.
I am not what one would call a cooking type person. Meaning, I am just now learning how to cook. I have about four recipes that I’ve perfected over the years…three of which are my moms. What I mean is, I have four things I make well. I’m not joking. You may think I am, but I’m really, truly not. BBQ chicken. Spaghetti sauce. Chili. Chicken fajitas. Those are my four things. The rest of the time? We eat out. Or we eat cereal, grilled cheese, chicken quesadillas or breakfast for dinner. I am a big fan of it. The eating out.
Just so you know, my kids aren’t deprived. They eat tons of veggies and fruit. They are healthy, active kids. Their dad was the cook in the house. So…yeah. Moving on.
There is this whole budget thing I’m working on. So I’ve put a kibosh on eating out. Like at all. Which is sad, because I really enjoy eating out. By the way, I’ve failed at the budget this month…I’ll explain more on that another day though.
I’ve taking up cooking this month. It’s gone okay. I’ve made some good things. I’ve made some nasty things. Nights where we ate cereal are becoming a bit farther between though. I’m a work in progress. I have taken to scouring the internet for good, easy, semi-cheap recipies. I ask my best friends for ideas all the time. I send them recipes and ask, do you think I could make this? I’m surprised they are still talking to me.
This is where you all come in. I need help. I need ideas. As someone who has spent, oh my entire life avoiding cooking, this is hard for me. What do you cook? What are some easy recipes that you love? What are your standbys?
Things to know about me… I am eeeked out by raw chicken. The only way I will use it (and I do often) is boneless skinless chicken breasts. That being said, we eat mostly chicken. We do eat some fish. Although, I’m a complete fish brat…because I was raised near an ocean. Ahem. We also eat beef, but I know nothing about it.
I do not like soup.
I am not really a fan of things made in the crock pot. Normally. I do on occasion use it for spaghetti sauce or chili, if I know the evening will be crazy. Mostly it just takes up cupboard space.
I don’t believe I own a food processor anymore. I also do not have the money to buy one right now. If this cooking stuff works out, I’m sure I could ask my mommy for one for Christmas.
I have one kid who won’t eat pizza. One who won’t each chicken nuggets. Neither of the girls will eat Mac N Cheese in any form. The boy however will eat absolutely anything.
Am I a hopeless case?
Because I don’t think any of them require an entire post. Yet somehow I think they might be too long and random for Twitter. Well too long at least.
1. In three weeks exactly, I will be sitting at the airport, ready to board a plane to NYC for BlogHer10. I am super freaking excited. I can’t wait to see and hug all of my friends. To stay up late with my amazing roomies. To make some mischief with Undomestic Diva…or well to watch her and photograph it. To meet new people and to FINALLY see NYC.
2. I ordered two sets of business cards. Because I am that nerdy.
3. I either pulled a muscle in my boob last night, or had an asthma attack in my sleep. Am actually leaning toward the asthma attack theory. To counteract this, I got an extra shot in my coffee this morning. Bouncing will commence in 3…2…1
4. Last night I watched a new show called Covert Affairs. Not sure which night it actually comes on though, I DVR everything. I actually really liked it. I mean it’s not Alias, but nothing is going to match up to Alias.
5. Last night Morgan convinced me I needed this app for the iPad called Fruit Ninja. Basically you slice fruit as is flies past you. It’s so dumb…yet so dang addicting. We all took turns playing it last night. Hi, time wasters.
6. The girls want to see the Sorcerer’s Apprentice this weekend. I am considering getting a sitter for Harrison on Friday night and taking them out to dinner and to a movie. A girls date night of sorts.
Well I think that is all I’ve got. At least in this moment.
Because I’m thinking it’s becoming a need.
No joke. Gmail has barely worked all week. I open it and it says I’m not there. It won’t send my emails. Then sometimes it does work. But only for a bit. It’s like it’s napping 94% of the time. I’ll get emails to my phone that won’t show up in my inbox for hours. I can’t even discuss the Gchat issues, because that make me want to cry. But hai, it stops mid-sentence and kicks me out. Or sometimes the person I’m talking too. For some odd reason, it rarely kicks us both out at once. WTF is that about? It also is randomly sending me emails. Gchat is sending me emails. Why? I don’t know. But it is. Of current conversations that I’M STILL HAVING!! Emails that I have opened six times, but it’s convinced it’s still a new email to be read.
Facebook isn’t any better. It’s only sending status update emails when it feels like it. Which is very convenient. I’d like to try that. I’ll only feed my children when it’s convenient for me. I’ll only put gas in my car when I feel like it. I’ll only pay my bills every 13th month. It sends me things at odd hours. I got something yesterday that was a note from someone from FOUR DAYS AGO. Um, hi, I’ve already been on FB and replied to that and the person already responded and then I responded again. I’m betting I’ll get those sent to me this weekend.
And Twitter….oh special little Twitter. I have seen the fail whale more times this week, then in the last three months alone. You get on one second and then the next second you aren’t on. It lets you send tweets sometimes and others it’s loading for 5 minutes and somehow your tweet didn’t get posted. I’ve taken to copying every tweet before I hit publish, just because I get tired of re-writing them. It sends DM’s hours later and sometimes four of the same one. It sends them out of order too, so you feel like you’re having a conversation backwards an upside down.
It’s like the Internet is failing. It needs to get it’s shit together. I’m tired of this. And yes, it’s all about me. Ha.
I’m about to purchase these things I think I remember….stamps? I’ll need to buy paper too. Where does one buy paper and stamps? Anyone remember?
Also, are carrier pigeons still around? Know where I can get one of those? Do we have to go back to cans and string? Do you think cans and string would make it to Oregon and California?
But, for serious? My two best friends live in different states. This? Is how I communicate with them. This is how I communicate with all of my friends. The Internet is my lifeline. It needs to step up it’s game. Now.
Just so you all can see that I’m not a complete depressed mess all of the time. I do see the good in the world, in my world. Even though it doesn’t take away the rest of it. The thing is, I’m trying. Every day I get up and get out of bed, even when I don’t want too. My life has sorta sucked lately. Maybe for the past say six-seven months. I can’t change that. I can’t make this process easier for myself. I’d love too, but I just don’t know how. It’s a struggle, because my entire world has changed. Everything I knew is different. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know how to get it, because I haven’t learned to deal with my new life yet. I’m getting there. I think. Some days.
Anyway, here’s my list of things that are good. Things that do make me happy.
1. My tiny boy who learns new words and things every day. At nineteen months old, he is an absolute joy and a complete sponge.
2. Spring. Flowers. Trees in bloom. Flip-flop weather. The smell of sunscreen on my kids at the end of the day. My girls in spring dresses. The smell of fresh cut grass.
3. Today is my mom’s birthday and she’s here, so I get to take her out tonight. Also? For once I managed to buy her a gift that surprised her. One she wouldn’t have thought of buying for herself.
4. My Kindle. Which I’ve named Edison. I luff him.
5. Editing and ordering photos of my friends kids, that I took while in California.
6. Thinking about and planning my next few vacations.
7. That I now have my plane ticket to BlogHer10, so it feels real.
8. Tropical Jelly Belly, jelly beans.
9. My new soft blankie.
10. That I was able to come up with nine things.
It was brought to my attention last night by some amazingly awesome friends, that I will not get kicked of the island if I don’t figure my life out by the time I turn 30 in a month. Shocker, I know. Basically the consensus is I’m worrying about something that is completely mental. That I need to relax about it, because I really, truly have enough to worry about. Also? That I’m not the only one who had no clue what they wanted to do at 30 years old. Which really is good to know, because I’ve been freaking out for days now. This is why one needs great friends. Friends to listen to you whine and cry, who will also tell you to CHILL OUT ALREADY!
My mother asked me yesterday what I wanted for my birthday. Of course in that moment had no idea, however I’ve managed to think of some things. To move the last three posts down a bit (Because holy cow, hai depression. Sorry friends. Today really is a better day. Promise.), I’ve decided to post this magnificent list for you all. Because really, it may be a bit more than my mother can handle. Maybe some of you can help her out? I know you are all just itching to get me birthday presents. Anyway…
1. An island. Preferably a warn, sunny, beautiful, relaxing, great beach island. With cabana boys, drinks in coconuts and a free Starbucks.
2. The winning Power Ball numbers. Because I’d like to be independently wealthy.
3. My own private jet that will fly me wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go.
4. A House Elf.
5. An iPhone. Oh and a Kindle too. While I’m on this subject, a new Mac laptop, one that doesn’t over heat and need a time out after 40 minutes would be nice too.
6. A brand new house, with a huge kitchen and all new furniture.
7. For all my closest friends to live on the same block as me.
8. A Hawaiian vacation. Two weeks would be lovely.
9. A trip to London.
Nine sounds like a nice round number, so I’ll stop there for now. Let me know if you have any questions whatsoever.
I adore this video. The song makes me cry, each time I hear it, but I still adore it. Much thanks to Allyson from The Joy Circus for telling me about the song a month ago.
Mostly? I just needed to move those posts down a bit.
I feel like I should explain a few things after my post yesterday.
Last week, I hit a new stage of my grief. The, holy shit this is real part. Like forever real. This is not a dream I will wake up from one day. It’s not something that is going to change, or get easier over night. This. Is. Real. (Sorry Marinka, sometimes, a sentence just calls for being separated like that.)
It knocked me flat on my ass. It crippled me honestly. I was crippled by the grief and fear of it for four days. I did nothing except think about it and panic. It kind of scared me. I thought the initial grief was worse, that it’d be no worse than that. This was worse.
Then on Sunday, the clouds parted and unicorns shot down from the….
Okay, I’m kidding. About the unicorns at least. Sounded funny in my head. Truth is, after four days of freaking out, I got tired. I got tired of spazzing out. Tired of questioning everything I do and everything I say. Tired of crying. Tired. Just plain, tired.
So I stopped. I stopped letting my grief control me in that moment. I spent Sunday playing with my kids. I haven’t had a panic attack in a few days. Even though I haven’t slept much the past few nights weeks, I can honestly tell you, I’m doing a little better. Have I freaked out a bit, yes. Obviously. Have I had moments of panic, yes. Especially yesterday when I had to let my kids spend the night with their dad for the first time. But I did okay.
Then I heard that one of the women I care about most in this world is undergoing one of the scariest things I can think of. A double mastectomy is major surgery. It would scare me in someone my age. But my 92 year old great-auntie is not my age. It scares me.
In this moment, I am doing a little better. Do I think I’m done with any of the above? Heck no. This is hard people. This is so hard, that some days, I think it will eat me. Then I have days where I think I may just make it to the other side of this. The last couple of days have been a little better. But there always seems to be something else. Always.
I was not raised in any religion. My father is an atheist. His family was once Jewish, but not since they escaped to America from Poland. My father is first generation America. What’s left of that religion, for our family at least, is certain phrases, curse words and the ability to make latkes. My mother was raised Baptist, but didn’t raise us in that religion. However in times of crisis, she goes back to her roots. She has faith. She prays. She does whatever she does, because it gives her peace of mind. But it’s not like she really has a religion. She doesn’t in fact, believe in organized religion. Whatever, my mom…she’s her own oxymoron.
I however was not raised that way. I was raised in Los Angeles. Our version of religion was bagels and the beach on Sundays. My experiences of church and any bit of actual religion were the three weeks we spent with my grandparents each summer.
I do not have faith. I do not have religion. However, I respect everyone who does. Honest.
Yesterday, I was angry. Yesterday, I was freaked out. Yesterday, I’d spent all night fretting, I hadn’t slept and I posted what I did, because I needed to write. This is my space to vent. My space to put my thoughts out into the world. My therapy.
I wasn’t saying that I don’t believe in the power of prayer, or that I see anything wrong with it. If it came across that way, I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. Religion in any form is hard to discuss online. There is always someone who will take offense.
But I won’t lie and tell you that I get it.
What I know is this: I have hope. I have hope that I will start feeling better soon. Hey, I’ve done better this week than last, so that’s something at least. I have hope that my great-auntie is strong enough and stubborn enough to survive. I have hope. Not always, not even often in the past few weeks. I always find it eventually though.
I’ll leave the praying up to the rest of the world. I’ll leave the faith, for those of you who have it. When I say I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best, I promise you, I am. Because that’s all I’ve got.
Maybe it’s the same thing, different wording. Maybe I’m just too dam stubborn for my own good. I don’t know. That’s all I know.
Oy, one more thing…
A lot of times you all comment and say, I don’t know what to say. I adore each of you for your comments, support and love. But I want you to know that it’s okay to not know what to say. Most of the time, I don’t know what to say. I’m really bad at returning emails or responding to comments. I start to comment and then delete it before I finish. I flitter in and out of this world right now, depending on my mood. Just know, it’s okay. I won’t tell anyone what to do or not to do, but it’s okay if you don’t know what to say. Promise.
Becky at My Life Out of Focus is one of the handful of people who welcomed me back into this crazy blogging world, after I’d disappeared for a good 18 months. No questions asked, no issues with the fact that I’d left with almost no explanation. Somehow we managed to pick up right where we left off. I’ve never thanked her for that, but lately I’ve really wanted too. There are others who have been so sweet and awesome too me as well. Today however is for Becky.
Becky has two beautiful girls, (whose new blog names are escaping me at the moment) who I’ve loved getting to watch grow up and an adorable husband who is a cop. She is an amazing photographer and is working on starting her side business right now. Truly if you live in Houston, I’d so recommend her to you. She’s on Twitter HERE, which is funny, because she kept telling me, she’d NEVER join. Then she did and she’s on it more that me. Mostly though, she’s a great friend. To me and everyone else she encounters. I’m blessed to call her my friend.
Today Becky is my follow Friday. Please go and tell her I said hi.
Me: Girls if you could do one more thing this week, before school starts, what would it be?
Morgan: I’d like to go back to Disneyland.
Bailey: Um, I think I want to play in the sprinklers.
Yep, there it is. Right there in two sentences, the explanation on how completely opposite my daughters are.I adore them for their differences, but this really does make explaining it a bit easier.
On my last post…well the consensus seems to be that I should just delete/block trolls and ignore what they say to me. Get over it, I suppose. I don’t know what to say about that, except I guess I’ll stop talking about it.
If I don’t start writing, I may just stop altogether. I’ve tried to come up with something to say for nearly a week now. I have nothing.
But this blog and I are good at this. The being inseparable when I have much to say, the separation and nothing-ness when I have nothing. It comes and goes.
I think the best I can do is try for a little bit of randomness. See where that goes.
-The sixth Harry Potter movie is coming out next weekend. In this house we are huge, no make that HUGE Harry Potter fans. We own all of the movies and are currently reading book three to the girls at night. We will be watching a movie a night this week and then I think we will see the new movie at some point on Sunday. We were going to go Friday night, but instead I think we are going to camp with family Friday night and go tubing on Saturday.
-Bailey is going to be five *sob* on Saturday and she really wants to do this tubing thing. She heard some cousins talking about it and she thinks it sounds like a blast. I am just happy I don’t have to deal with Chuck E’ Cheese (Parental Hell), which was her first idea. Tubing on Saturday, Harry Potter 6 and Cold Stone Ice Cream cake Sunday. Sounds like a good birthday to me.
-I managed to get all of the girls school supplies purchased yesterday. Seems awfully early to be doing it, but school starts the 14th of August (squeeeee) and Morgan is very particular about what she gets. Clothes will wait until the last week prior, because I am incapable of not letting them wear them. If I wait and buy them, the week before or a few days before, they won’t ask everyday to wear them. I’ve learned.
-I am emotional, very emotional in fact about Bailey turning five this week. Five seems so old. Kindergarten in a month seems so insane. Where did my tiny baby bruiser go?
-I am sick to death of my husband working 14 hour days all of the time. I am sick of him reminding me that when the girls were little, I did the same thing, while he took care of them. I think it sucks being a single parent, when you are MARRIED.
-I am tired. Tired of arguing with my daughters about which toys can’t be left on the floor. I am in a throw it away mood and I’m likely to start tossing anything the baby gets a hold of, if they keep it up. Tired of coming up with meal ideas. Tired of grocery shopping. Tired of laundry. But mostly, I am just tired.
And that’s all she wrote.
Oh wait, one more thing. If you are going to BlogHer, will you let me know in the comments here. Just wave or something. I am trying to make a mental list of people I want to meet and anyone who visits here is on the top of that list.
Grab My Button!
I’m a joiner
