posts about nothing

I haven’t been online in days. Haven’t done so much as open Twitter. Haven’t played Bejeweled. Not read a single blog post in days. I didn’t actually miss it. I may go a few more days. I may not. Who knows? I don’t suppose it matters either way. Right now, I’m feeling sort of burned out.

Two days isn’t really a big deal though, this I do know. However it’s been a long time since I’ve done that. Especially on a weekend, where I don’t have the kids. I’ve gone weeks before. I always come back. I always miss it. Eventually.

Last week was filled with big drama online. Internet trolls doing their thing. Not here luckily, but still, it seemed like they were everywhere. Last week seemed to be the week, where people finally got tired of it and started fighting back. It was interesting, to say the least. Last week, there were some articles written on blogging and mother’s who blog, some trying to make us all look like fools. Trying to make it seem like we all ignore our children for social media. Makes me laugh in some ways, annoys the shit out of me in others. I’d talk more about it, but others have done a much better job then I could even pretend to do. Another article, I believe, actually getting why we all do this. Why we all put ourselves out there for the world to see. Written by someone who seemed to understand the community aspect of it.

Needless to say, the last week was tiring. Keeping up with everything that was going on was tiring. Didn’t help that I’ve been sick for weeks. Today is the first day in three weeks that I haven’t felt like crap. Guess that second round of antibiotics is doing the trick.

I am an over thinker. A worrier. It’s just part of my nature. I’ve been thinking this past week, what I am putting out into this community. Is it too little? Too much? Do I spend too much time on Twitter? I have no real answers. Like I said, it probably doesn’t matter.

On Friday, I spent a few hours going through old posts of other people’s from the previous year. I wanted to submit a few for BlogHer’s Voice’s of the Year. I managed to submit a few, although I could have submitted a ton more, but I tried to only submit posts of people who are attending the conference. (Actually, I should check on that. It was the rule last year, may not be this year.) It sort of made me wonder though, what of importance have I written in the past year. Nothing, was the answer I came up with. Which really is okay. I’m okay with what I’ve written this past year. I’ve needed this space to be like therapy. It has been, you all have supported me in this. I adore each of you for that. I do know that I’ve written nothing meaningful this past year.

It’s funny, I was just wondering if I’d have anything to talk about. If my words even matter, in the sea of better written words. Then I opened my reader (mostly to check out Post Secret) and happened to read my friend Stacey’s post. I doubt it was written with me in mind at all, but it helped me in the moment. It helped me to open up this page and see if I could write at all. It made me remember why I continue to do this. For me, for her, for all of you. If my words matter to one person, maybe that is enough.

Maybe in some way, my words do matter.

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